Ngkay, I read through it I like the world you have going here. I found Solitaire really appealing as a character… she had a distinct voice, and I thought you did really well with exploring her luck ability.
I’m playing a guy named Jasper. Not a whole lot to say about him yet; high empathy, low strength, friendly person.
I did notice that the MC is not entirely a blank state in the prologue, since they know English and are able to recognize height-age correspondence, so this is interesting…
Edit-y stuff under this (glad I finally figured out I can do this):
“prancing around some pretty young lady, or man”
I’m not sure about this comma. It’s only a two item list, so you don’t need it.
“And, after breaking a few door,”
“With out consciously thinking,”
When you run the name check, should you also check against names of prominent superheroes like Solitaire and Jupiter?
The hair length descriptions “long,” “medium,” and “short” are ambiguous since they could mean different things to different people. I would prefer if you use designations like “shoulder length.”
Personally I feel like an acknowledgement of the option would be a nice thing to have. Could depend on what you do with it, I suppose.
If it gets taken away, let’s you and me pull a fast one on them by swapping our intended spouses on the officials at the last moment. They’ll never notice
Cute guys aren’t everything. Just the best thing
If she brings them all with her I might have to pack my bags
I don’t want to live in a complete gay guy desert
I’m not entirely sure what it is that draws me to certain characters… I don’t know, someone who seems like he has passions or just really cares about the MC… humor is nice too, I mean that was one of the main appeals of you-know-who. I don’t know, I’ll have more to say when I see what sorts of people there are kicking around. Awkwardness can be pretty adorable too. I d’no. It’s a tricky question
If we’re just talking fashion aesthetics, I might buck the trend in that leather’s not really my thing I tend to like either well-dressed or flaunting ear piercings can be cute.
Princeliness can be appealing, but oh well
That would explain why she was suggesting moving to the UK to bug him…