First a minor correction. When de Firiiac says this:
"sister... I grieve for your arm, but not half so much
The name/title (Sister/Brother) should be capitalized.
And with the following, I know I mentioned it as a possibility before, but I gave a little more thought on it. Of course, it is only a suggestion, and I won't mention it again.
As you know, if you decided to fight the Phalangites, Zvad obviously runs off (unless you are a Charismatic Eclect)
And if you choose Elery to be your new second, you roughly wrote how she stares at you with hatred in her eyes, and she damns you and Zvad.
If you successfully beat the Phalangites, you might add a few lines where she might begrudgingly admit to the MC they were right. Sort of on the page where you have:
The celebration lasts two nights -- a short time for such a monumental and unlikely triumph.
I could see a line or two making it. I understand you can't do that for every NPC, but since she has some special dialogue expressing her hate of the idea...I think some rejoinder might be nice for people who notice it in the writing.
Anyways, just a minor thought, and may not be worth the effort