I do have some questions for anyone who played through the demo or tried to play through it:
Were there enough choices?
Was it too wordy and does the beginning work okay or should I rework it?
It’s a slow build but does it feel too slow?
Do you feel that you had enough choice as the MC? To be your own person/character?
The prologue is fine except you need a choice-body to break it up a bit in the middle. Even if it is a fake choice it will help keep all your audience engaged. Walls of texts tend to turn some readers off - although if they actually read it, they should enjoy it.
In regards to the prologue specifically. I think its perfectly fine, although like Eiwynn said breaking up the body of it some maybe a good idea.
One thing I’d recommend though, is just combine the prologue and chapter 1 into just being chapter 1. Generally speaking the term prologue (I feel at least) should be reserved for a scene that helps set up the story, but is somewhat separate from where the story is beginning in chapter 1.
In this case since the prologue and chapter 1 are taking place at the same time and location, I’d say just make the whole thing chapter 1, or have what is currently labeled prologue changed to chapter 1, and have when the MC is introduced be chapter 2
I’ll think on what kind of fake choice I can add and combine the prologue and chapter one, then. Perhaps give the player control over the emotions of the stranger at the bar?
Also because I can say this and people may actually know who I’m talking about now, Jayce totally has a dad body. And Wyatt is the one with the nice belly.
Let them decorate the bar - give a couple of choices in place of the pool table and make another choice the ambience of the bar - perhaps its a kereoke(sp) bar, or live music is playing … each of us have an idea of what a villain hang-out is like, so let the reader get involved with making it like they envision it …
Good idea, thank you! I’ll either play with that tomorrow or get started on the second chapter. Or both 
@sammyboy after choosing the what animal it is, the description you get is: " {animal} then it’s actual decription"
Do vampires poop? (more letters)
Thanks I’ll fix that today.
Okay! There’s been a small update. I combined the prologue and chapter one, added a couple choices in the beginning for the player to decorate the bar, and fixed a few typos/coding errors that were pointed out.
Oh, and the word count is up to 22,316.
Glad to see the demo out for this, and super happy you did decide to give the option to be a vampire! I agree with @Eiwynn that the prologue could stand to have some interaction though and for me there are waaaaaay too many guys around 
I love the idea of this though and I really hope there is more interaction with mom because I think there is a lot of potential here for some emotional stuff.
I did just update it a half hour ago so there should be a bit of interaction in the beginning of the chapter now!
And WRT being too many guys around…yeeeah I struggled to make it even cause I’m Really Gay. But I made sure to at least make it even when it came to potential ROs.
The romance-able men being Jayce, Vlad, Wyatt, and Jackson and the romance-able women being Arianna, Faith, Imara, and Victoria. Though two of the characters will only be able to be romanced by a MC of the same gender.
Haven’t 100% decided who those are going to be quite yet considering so many of them make such good gay and lesbian characters. I’d definitely be willing to take some input on that
Also funnily enough Chief didn’t actually start off being written as MC’s mom. But MC needed a mom character for plot reasons and Chief already wasn’t going to be a romance-able character because trying to date your boss is weird and she was more or less a blank slate at that point, anyway. But the more I’ve spent thinking about her character, the more she’s been fleshed out, especially because she’s a really important character central to a large plot point.
lol It’s cool, I just had to tease since I’m guilty of the exact opposite 
I kind of wondered if she would be one, I chose to talk to her outside and loved that she used me hitting on her as a cover story…especially since that was the reason I wanted to talk to her alone 
I’m glad to hear that, personally I will be more invested in her that any character (well except whoever ends up my girlfriend obviously 
)
I’m so glad that people ended up picking that option. Honestly Ari’s scene was probably the most fun to write because it’s the most dynamic compared to the other character scenes. Those still had some fun parts, but Ari’s scene is definitely the most branching with Jayce’s scene being a not-even-close second.
It was also fun because a big reason Imara, kind of the “leader” of their small biker gang, let Ari hang around is because she thought she was cute and she’s weak for a girl with muscles. And of course Ari is the type of person to play on that cause she’s all about having fun and playing the part.
I’ve been really considering the relationship dynamics between the characters and I’m thinking that if MC chooses not to romance either Ari or Imara they’ll probably end up together.
And Chief is good and I love her.
Well I couldn’t pass up a chance to possibly flirt with her, could I? 
One question I do have, and maybe I missed something, is if vampires are born and not turned then is the Chief my biological mom or did she adopt me?
She’s your adoptive mother! That’s the case whether you pick vampire or human as a species. It was mentioned in passing a few times, IIRC.
Just gave this WIP a try and I have to say I really enjoyed it. Playing as a vampire should be very interesting so I’m looking forward to reading more of this.
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!