I’m just starting the demo but let me say I already love Simarg 
this asshole gets me.
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Glad to see you back, @niisan! I played through the merchant path – I said before I was looking forward to meeting Lady Lech and Nikolaj, and it was fun seeing how they and this path are so calm compared to the carpenter’s scenes. I also liked how you revealed more of the village’s customs through the orphans, both indirectly through the mention of the orphanage’s existence and directly by pointing out the laws involved for stealing.
Typos
I am interested in what makes lady Lech so special.
“lady” should be capitalized.
“So, where does she live?” You ask.
“You” should be lowercase.
Just because I know how it looks like, doesn’t mean I also know its exact location."
“how” should be “what”.
“And they tell me, I am childish.”
Remove the comma.
“The loser that is the person who makes the least nose flickers in the pre-agreed amount of time gets to deal with Lady Leach.”
“Leach” should be “Lech”.
“Now that we established you are both funny, we could back on track? Maybe?” You suggest.
“You” should be lowercase.
Yesterday’s rain has made the grassy underfoot soft and yielding, staining your shoes with dirt, when you move.
Perhaps remove the comma after dirt.
Better take a good look now, because there ain’t going to be time for enjoying the sighs later."
“sighs” should be “sights”.
“Why yes, it is.” A woman’s voice replies softly.
The period after “is” should be a comma, and “A” should be lowercase.
“Is this glass?” You whisper.
“You” should be lowercase.
That and the carefully applied light shade on her eyelids that is.
Add a comma after “that” and a comma after “eyelids”.
Harder for the words to get stuck unnecessary."
Perhaps “unnecessary” should be “unnecessarily”.
“Then again,” the lady continues, accepting the mug from Nikolaj.
Perhaps change the period after “Nikolaj” into a comma so it reads like one sentence.
Lady Leach laughs.
“Leach” should be “Lech”.
“It is alright Nikolaj,” Leach says, “Let the boy speak.”
Here I’d change the comma into a period.
It is when your mark grows lighter, you know Zaria is also in agreement.
I’m not sure what this sentence means.
“What do you want?” A large man barks out, an axe in his hand.
“A” should be lowercase.
The moment Ana stole from them, she has waived her freedom away.
“has” should be “had”.
And until her deed is repaid, her life belongs to those she wronged.
“deed” should be “debt”.
“Why should we care?” You interject.
“You” should be lowercase.
Looking forward to meeting the priest and the village chief. 
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Like what you have so far little early for me to have any suggestions rn also Zaria is just great
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Thank you very much for this demo! I’m a russian so I’m very glad to finally see good representation of Slavic mythology in game. It’s truly a rare gem. Wish you luck and inspiration 
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Can I just say how awesome it is to be back? Thanks guys 
I know the demo is short, so I really appreaciate every 
and comment~
Hi @Sleepwalker! Glad you like the fights, because man fighting scenes are hard! I try not to write: he hit, she stabbed, you ducked every time there is a fight going on, haha. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to make the lore easier to swallow
Seems we are in agreement, @demontears. Simarg is an ass, but he is (or should be) a reasonable ass.
Thank god for the eagle eye of @expectedoperator! I went ahead and fixed most of the typos, thank you!
Eh, a failed attempt at showing, not telling. Basically what happens, is: the master has transferred his command over the MC to Zaria.This means Zaria gets to decide how much magic MC can use at a given moment. And because she approves of saving Ana, she has eased the restriction on MC magic, which would allow MC to help out. I will definitely fix this later!
You should be able to meet the chief in this update 
@Yalung thanks for the compliment & I agree! Zaria is an absolute 
I hope to do her justice in the game.
@jalapenopeppers thank you very much for the comment! I’m just discovering just how rich the Slavic lore is. Such an untapped potential. If you know of an interesting legend, I am all ears!
I hope to see more of it in future games, movies and choice of games
Random tidbit: I have first heard of kudlaks and kersniks in Atlus’ game Devil Survivor. Crazy, huh?
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Oh, if you’re interested in adding some creepy content, then I can recommend you check information about Jerdyai - a Slavic evil spirit, a monster wandering at night, peering into the windows, warming hands in a pipe and frightening people. And also you can read about Cat Bayun (Kot Bayun) — a gigantic black cat who can charm people by telling them stories and lull them to sleep… and then eat them. According to one of the legends, he lives with Baba Yaga in her hut.
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Asshole outside, softie inside 
He is romanceable, right? Don’t make me cry a river.
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@jalapenopeppers I most definitely am! I’ve not heard of Jedyai and Kot Bayun before, but they are exactly the typoe of creatures I’d like to add to the story. Especially the human eating cat. Great suggestions, thank you!
@demontears dry those tears away, Sim (and Zaria) are both ROs!
I should probably add the ROs to the story description. Hm.
Anyway, in the next chapter I’m expecting to introduce the third RO.
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Okay, so I have happily skipped over writing the priest part and moved right into making a Tumblr account for the game. You should be able to read more about the game (updates, asks, characters) there.
I have also added a very, very short scene (round 1k words) to the demo featuring a new character because I apparently can’t wait for the next chapter.
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I just tried the chief path, and I can see why you have Zaria warn the MC multiple times that she is dangerous! At first I went with Zaria for the break-in, but then I tried having the MC go in alone and then setting a trap – now I want to know who that person is inside her house. 
How did the chief gain her title and all that magic?
I also liked the scene with the heir. It says in the lore section that kersniks began working as an organization with the rise of the inquisition. Does that mean the heir is an inquisitor?
By the way, I know it’s based on medieval Slavic mythology, but what kingdom or principality is Macia in? What other villages are nearby?
I noticed some issues with the "think about potential targets" option when you are choosing a target.
When the initial target choice appears, if you first choose to reject the idea of visiting the chief and then talk about two of the other targets, the option for “think about potential targets” pops up – yet because the player hasn’t spoken about the last target, the narrative shows information that Zaria and Simarg hasn’t told them yet.
And if you do choose to go through the regular targets first and then pick the “think about potential targets” option, because it jumps to choosing between the carpenter, Lady Lech, and the priest the option to even consider the chief is skipped entirely.
Perhaps have the “think about potential targets” option always return to the initial target question. You may also want to give the player another chance to consider the chief when making the final decision between the targets.
Typos
“Pulling a one on the village chief won’t be easy, you know?”
Remove the “a”.
I keep imagining, what I could do with all that coins.
Remove the comma.
One you need to excel at, because your Master would expects no less.
“expects” should be “expect”.
Waist-high picket fence is more for decoration than protection and the double-winged door also seem quite over the top.
Perhaps add “Yet”/“However”, etc. to the beginning of this sentence, as it is contrasting with the previous sentence in the paragraph.
Zaria, who has steadily grown tenser, the closer you got to the house, shakes her head with a small smile.
Remove the comma after “tenser”.
Excepted that it must have been pricey.
“Excepted” should be “Except”.
Then again, you are clueless to what Zaria is seeing. "Simarg is not. “Wards,” he says. “Blast it.”
It seems like there’s both a sentence and a space between the paragraphs missing here.
Unless you want to experience, how it feels to be burnt to crisps, I would advise against it.
Remove the comma after “experience”.
“Rich people and their fancy tricks.” Simarg spats out. “How much would working these wards take you, starwitch?”
Add space between this paragraph and the previous one.
Your mutterings don’t escape Simarg’s sensitive ears. "Oh, they are.
“they” should be “there”.
“Close the damn thing” he barks out.
Add punctuation after “thing”.
Behind him you catch a glimpse of a someone —
Remove the “a” after “catch”.
The pebble is digging into your left knee.
It seems like there’s a time skip here, but there was no space between the previous paragraph and this one or any transition to mark the passing of time.
"White Death you must be tired from all the excitement.
Add a comma after “Death”.
“Welcome back lord Svetomir.”
“lord” should be capitalized.
“I finished the mission earlier than expected.” Svetomir says.
Change the period to a comma.
“Lucky me, eh?” The other person continues cheerfully. “Now I get to play with you.”
Is this scene supposed to jump into meeting their heir?
“There is only one problem,” Zaria says. “The guards are not here.”
There’s a sudden time skip after this too, where guards are helping Zaria without any explanation of where they came from.
“Now, we have one two many.”
“two” should be “too”.
In the stats page, both Zaria and Sim have “RP: 50” in their descriptions.
Looking forward to more scenes with the heir!
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I also noticed that when the masters heir shows up for the first time. I picked to make them a girl and it said lord instead of lady
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So, I have a question for all:
Currently I am using English versions of titles in the game. I am kind of interested in using old Slavic titles, but don’t want the story to end up too confusing because of uncommon phrases, less familiar lore, too much new information …
Example of titles in use:
village chief = župan or pan
master = gospodar
warlord = vojvoda
elder = starosta
prince = knez
king’s legal representative (sort of like duke, but not quite) = ban
@expectedoperator - thanks for the thoughtful comment! I will return with a proper reply later 
Rod praise the heir!
@AMER1CANN1NJA09 - yeah, I was playing with the idea of having only a “lord” title, because I thought Edelgard from Fire Emblem: Three Houses is also called a lord, but apparently I misremembered, haha.
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If you want to use the Slavic term, i would suggest when you first use them to put the english terms in (sample)
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Hey there !! I can’t believe there is a slavic WIP here and I didn’t know about it !!!
I’m incredibly excited about it and I can’t wait for more. I’ll put this under something so it won’t get too long.
Slavic mythology
As for Slavic mythology, I’m afraid no one knows much about it. If you have any questions I’ll try to help you but it won’t be very specific. What I know was passed down from my grandmother, and most of it is seen as tales to make children afraid of direspecting their parents wishes, at least where I’m from.
Which brings me to my next point, Slavs expend in almost half europe, so North Slavs (Russian, Ukrainian…) won’t have the same lore as East and South Slavs or their names will change (like Morana/Morena/Marzanna)… I’m from the south (ex-Yugoslavia) and here a lot was lost from the Ottoman Empire and the lack of written resources. Most of the lore is passed down from generation to generation. And each family adds it’s own thing, especially in matters of magic and gods. But North and East Souths religions and lore and deeply connected and therefore they have more specific stories about them.
Oh yes just an advice, if you don’t already I’ll suggest looking into Rodnovery. It’s the native Slavic faith and a lot of people are trying to revive it today so they’ll give you a lot of information about the gods, Slavic witchcraft and traditions.
My favorite stories
Obviously, my stories will refer to south Slavs lore and culture. As I said earlier, the stories of of monsters and gods are few here but the gods are very present in everyday life even if most people don’t realize it.
One of my favorite stories is that in Macedonia and the south of Balkan in general, they believed that meteors were dragons going on land to impregnate women and therefore they believed that sorcerers and witches (vještice i zduhaći) were the descendant of those dragons.
Also, Veles was often seen in his wolf form, or “vuk”. Which is why many families have a family name with “vuk” (Vukic, Vukovic…) because it was believed it would protect them from vampires and witches.
People from Balkan who still pratice paganism or are attached to tradition will tell you that spirits of water are very important because they help catch thief, retrieve stolen or lost goods…
Anyway this is a long post and I’m sure there’s a lot of mistakes as i’m typing this on my phone without looking back, but i’m just so excited about this WIP!!!
Good luck and I can’t wait for the next update !
/ps: I just saw your last post, I’ll say that you can use it but put it in the lore tab, just be mindful to use the same Slavic language all the time to not confuse (and anger) some people…(Imagine the disaster if you use the Serbian word for something when the rest is in Croatian… might lead to a war in the comments xD)
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These are the same languages tho
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I liked this!! I wish I new more slavic mythology…and more mythology in general lol but I can tell that this will be great 
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Wow! Definitely going to wait for this, never thought I’ll see game based on mythology of my ethnicity!
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I liked it, cant wait for more.
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if any pretty monster free on friday night hmu 
the demo is interesting. do u plan adding more customization for mc? also maybe relationship bar for ro and major characters?
maybe add line break before this
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fun game! i like that characters a lot 
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