I’d like to provide an interim update for everyone: this month will be spent revising the game to be in compliance with the updated standards for use of AI, and for refining and polishing the text. Readers shouldn’t notice much change. The biggest one is the removal of the chapter-start images. In their place, I will have more detailed physical descriptions so that readers can imagine how they look.
Next month should be the release of chapter 5, which is a plot twist and does not have an end-of-month fight. This is a one-time exception; chapter 6 and onwards will have the regular end-of-month fights again.
Progress update: I’ve written a new scene for Danny and for Chloe, and almost finished a new scene for Katie. Still need to write one more Chloe scene and the chapter 5 text. A September release is most likely. Taking it easy this month!
Ok, I have kind of a basic question: is “Chloe” too obscure of a name? Like, is it unintuitive, unfamiliar, stumbling, relatively hard to pronounce? It’s fairly popular in Hong Kong, but I think I rarely see it elsewhere. I’ll change it to a more common name if it’s caught anyone out.
It’s a *very* common name anywhere in the west I’m pretty sure. I would be incredibly surprised if that threw anyone off.
I loved the demo btw. The approach to the stakes and motivation is obviously a nice change of pace from the usual fare but, I also really appreciated the restrained approach to stats/choices. They always felt relevant, and it just kept the whole thing very cohesive and immersive.
Also the whole ‘entering a street fighter esque thing as just a regular person’ idea is actually really fun.
Thank you! I appreciate your highlighting of the specific things you liked. They were intentional choices, like you guessed, and it’s a gamble. One that I hope pays off!
I quite like what’s in the demo so far. The choice options at many points like before a fight or just observing your opponents afterwards remind me a bit of some of the more abstract Disco Elysium skill dialogue like Shivers or Inland Empire. I watch a lot of combat sports and IMO this game really does tap into the more abstract side of fighting. It’s a nice change of pace to see something with this subject matter that isn’t just a straightforward power fantasy (not that I don’t enjoy those from time to time).
This is such an engaging demo. I love the use of visible stats within the narration when it will be useful for the reader. I’m really impressed by how accessible the fight scenes are so we understand and can be intentional about the choices that we’re making while boxing (whether or not we are successful in the fight).
Your action scenes are really solid and you do a great job of introducing us to the upcoming opponents. I’m also really enjoying the glimpses of the city as a reflection of the protagonist and the small details of the repetitious office job in contrast to the world of the underground fight circuit.
Thank you for your kind words Jay3! I like that your comment was specific, it really helps me to know which parts are connecting well. I’m continuing to write the story and hope to have the next chapter ready near the end of the month
On the walk, you can choose a companion to walk with you, or walk alone.
Romance content finally!
Katie’s subplot has an additional scene.
Danny’s subplot has an additional scene.
Chloe’s subplot has two additional scene.
Significant improvements to the prose for the introduction, chapter 1, Eric’s subplot scenes 2 and 3, and Katie’s subplot scene 2.
Play it at the link in the first post in this thread. As always, I very much appreciate comments. This update I’ve focussed more on each character showing more depth.
Chloe’s subplot is also completely new, and the new Danny subplot scene is also different in tone from the others. I’m very eager to receive your comments on Chloe, Danny, and Katie’s subplot development. No Eric subplot development this time — that will need to wait until the next chapter.
Feedback requested:
What do you think of the chapter 5 walk? I’m experimenting with a slightly different structure. My hope is that the walk feels very different in vibe depending on who you walk with, but I’m unsure if this is achieved.
What do you think of Chloe’s character? I worry that she’s a bit too “stock” or “tropey.”
Interviewers ask Steve Parker (my version) to rank his opponents by likeability.
#1) My debut opponent - Eric “Blazefist” Jiang - had offered me shared training at his dojo to polish my fighting skills. I made a commitment to show up for his training, whenever such opportunity arises.
#2) Despite her high class origin, Chloe “Wildcat” Lee’s dedication to fighting is admirable in my eyes. Plus we share a mentality “Fight to win”.
#3) When it comes to interaction, Katie “Pressure Point” Reynolds’s rejection complex is understandable enough for me. It’d take time (and some patience on my part) to get herself comfortable around people. Nevertheless, her medical experiments would come in handy (whenever I’m not preoccupied with other things).
#4) Danny “Dragon” Chan isn’t talkative type. His trademark of making himself look good despite losing is certainly unique. Some of his techniques and insight might be useful. But in the end, all I care about is victory.
Thanks BlackNick! Hope you’re ok with no fight this update. Been thinking of future opponents. Next one might be a friendly kid who fights with a wooden stick. Not sure yet.
Wow, I had a lot of fun playing this. It definitely feels more like a game and less like a story, but i think in this format it works. It doesnt feel like there is much of a story going on yet, minus a couple foreshadowing lines. But whole months pass and the characters world doesnt change a ton. But if you are going for a more gamey experience, it works!
I am a huge fan of tangible character progression, so the evolving move list is a huge bonus for me. I love how you can increase skill in individual moves too.
Overall, great work so far! Excited to see what happens next
I think you changed the fighting system quite a bit since the last time I played. That said, there are a couple of moves I didn’t know about at first, and even the stat screen isn’t too clear when you’re supposed to use each move. You might want to have a tutorial battle in the game, a low stakes way to give a practical lesson on how to use these moves.
Works for me. Good descriptions, some light hearted banter, no serious romance yet. I could only ask Chloe out on Chap 5, I think, so I don’t know how it is for the others.
Girl from super-rich family who decides to pick up a not so glamorous hobby? It’s a fairly common trope, but that’s fine. Common tropes can be entertaining if well-executed. Chloe doesn’t stand out to me in any way yet though, a likeable character but not a very deep one at this point in time. Maybe some more exploration of her controlling fighting style and how it weaves into her personality or backstory.
“Imagine being stuck in hell and a big bowl of paper noodles pops up on your table. What would you do?”
I think the correct term is rice paper noodles.
Even then, it’ll more likely be referred to as horfun (Cantonese) or guotiao (mandarin), if memory serves. I don’t think the locals will refer to it as rice paper noodles, even when speaking in English.
The first time I read it, I had a very scary image of someone cutting hell notes into strips and serving it in a bowl.
Thanks @ChanceOfFire
Yeah, I’ve changed the fighting system to be more reactive, but now that it’s a bit more complicated, it needs a better tutorial. I’m spending the next few weeks on polish and revision, so I’ll include this too.
The paper noodles are supposed to be literally paper, like they burned a joss paper of a bowl of noodles, and it arrives in hell as the same noodles made of the same paper. I added a clarification
Chloe grins suddenly, the twitching kind you've seen before. You take a deep breath.
"Imagine being stuck in hell and a big bowl of paper noodles pops up on your table. What would you do?"
You picture it. Joss paper, run through a paper shredder. Unappetising.
