Just finished reading the AU demo. So far I like it better than the OG version as I feel it has a bit more motion, a bit more drama, and angst. There’s a bit more to hold our attention.
As for roleplaying though, it’s still very linear, and choices still mean very little.
To be honest, one of the worst aspects (of both demos) is being forced into feeling strongly toward Asher - it’s quite off-putting. Notice I said “being forced” - having feelings is not bad, being forced to is. Basically MC having such strong feelings, even residual, needs to be something the players is compelled to feel organically. I know Asher is meant to be MC’s ex, but the player knows nothing about the MC’s relationship with Asher besides the most basic facts we’re told but never shown (and showing is the absolute MOST important thing).
It doesn’t allow us to form any sort of organic attachment or free opinion based off of the experience we’ve had with Asher because we HAVE no experience with Asher.
As a result the player loses their agency, and it breaks our connection to our MC.
Now, I’ve obviously got no idea about your plans in this regard, but I do have a suggestion on how to remedy this in the best place and way you possibly could: Make the prologue longer - quite a lot longer.
Get us feeling something for these characters from the first word.
In this new prologue, take your time with the Demonhall tournament. Start earlier on and follow the coven’s progress as they face challenges leading to the climax where everything goes to hell. SHOW more of the challenges of the tournament, allow the player to choose how their MC reacts to these challenges (what actions they take or how they direct the coven) and in doing so flesh out their personality.
And give them interaction with a LOT more of the coven.
Whatever coven mates are important to the story should have extended interaction with the MC, such as working together to pass the many trials, especially tough ones. How about showing them dealing with those traps? Or let MC face one of those harpies that they were thinking about hiding from? Showcase the bond between them all - this thing that is meant to make them ‘the best’. The ones to beat.
Doing so will add action, suspense and early immersion. It will show MC’s ability and the abilities of their coven-mates, and already begin to flesh out their personalities. It will showcase how well MC works in a team and gives the chance to show if MC works better alone, in a pair, or as part of a group. It can also show the dynamic between different coven-mates, maybe hint at their personal relationships and beefs.
And importantly, this is also where you can have a nice big scene with MC’s boyfriend/girlfriend Asher, allowing the players to see what MC’s lover is about. To see what makes this relationship so damn special that Asher can’t forget it and that MC can’t quite either. This is where you really have to show why this is important and why the player should care about this relationship going in to the beginning of the story.
It will also allow the MC to dictate aspects of their relationship that can then carry over, or be lost, after they split from the coven and later return in chapter 1. It gives them some history, some drama, some flavor that you’ve allowed the player to create all on their own.
You can also show more of the friendship with Orion here, and you might even give the chance for a bit of jealousy or rivalry between Orion & Asher over MC. Like if MC is a little too friendly with Orion while Asher is about, or when put in a spot where MC needs to choose to trust ONE of them to help, but both of them (perhaps not-so-secretly) want to be picked.
Depending on choices the player makes, of course.
All of this would be a fantastic lead-up into the beginning of the story. Already the player will have some vital information about important characters, will have some emotional investment in the storyline, will have an idea for the direction they’d like to take their MC, and have started to develop an empathetic connection toward certain characters (hint: ASHER).
But that’s just a suggestion - do with it what you will! 
Anyway, here are a few issues I came across in the game:
"You’ve all been pent up inside the school and the Silver Lake cottage for the past few weeks, gearing up for all types of finals.
Well… except for you, of course, and that super brief stint in the Montreal catacombs. But you don’t have the time to think about that right now, do you? "
Two things. First, ‘Pent up’ is the wrong terminology (means to be emotionally or bodily stifled or restricted). Being physically held back (by work, duty etc), and particularly stuck inside, would make it ‘cooped up’.
Second, the “Well… except for you, of course” line is awkward because (I assume) it’s implying that the MC was also cooped up, but managed to sneak out/get out to visit the catacombs, but it’s wording puts it slightly at odds with the original implication of ‘all of you’ (including MC) by then saying ‘except for you’ (not including MC).
So instead you might try something like, “You and your coven-mates [or such] were cooped up at school and the Silver Lake cottage for [number] gruelling weeks, gearing up for your various finals. The only respite from the grind had come when you’d had a super brief… ‘stint’ in the Montreal catacombs.
…But right now you can do without the distraction of thinking about that particular incident.”
“The level of magic, wit, and athleticism that your coven regularly performed at was without match. In fact, you and your
You and your boyfriend Asher were courted by a dozen or more professional teams during your final year at school.”
Well, you can see the problem.
You groan and roll your eyes extra hard, just to annoy him. “You know you’re my only hope, Hellyr. I suppose I could go around to mumsies crypt and see what’s bumping in the night, but I’d really rather not.” “You know I’m only joking. Of course you’re always welcome to stay here. I really hope you know that, Rey,” he says, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth, a telltale sign he wants to say more. For someone with his life experiences, you’d expect him to have a better grip on his tells.
New line when Orion speaks.
“After so much time spent running and fighting and deflecting, you thought you thought you would’ve gotten used to being alone.”
‘You thought’ repeats.