Bad Penmanship (WIP) Updated 7/18/19

At the scene of a crime, most investigators are told to look for knives, bullets, and drugs. Your jackpot is eraser shavings and a pencil.

Always in the back of your mind, all somebody has to do is find your true name, and remove it. Erase it with a pencil. Scrape it off the walls. Scrub with a sponge, and that’s it. You’re croaked, done for, kicked the bucket…whatever the kids are saying these days.

Plot (continuation)

As a rookie inspector currently being mentored by the higher-ups of Pasdence’s Foul Play Investigation Unit, most normal citizens of Heaviside’s largest city might think your job is thrilling, exciting, or maybe even a little spooky. But not when you and your fellow apprentices are constantly benched, stuck dealing with unreasonable, inconsequential requests from civilians and the most daunting dangers you have to face are papercuts.

But finally, out of the blue, your ragtag team of detectives are finally thrown a real job!..kind of. At last, you all have a chance to prove yourselves and start getting assigned to the major cases! Yet, what your seniors thought was a sad excuse for a gig might actually be part of a grander scheme, and you’re unknowingly caught in the deadly crossfire.

First update! No new chapter, just added/removed a couple things and fixed LOTS of errors. A more in depth rundown over here…
(also wow I’m not dead who woulda thought. I’m too tired to do Keys stuff rn)

Patch Notes

-Fixed tons of grammar/wording errors, reworded things, etc
-Added a few more choices
-Fixed Meldy’s pronouns when first meeting them
-Added a save system (at last!)
-More quality of life improvements

If you have any world related questions, because yes, there are a lot of things that aren’t mentioned but I do have them planned out in my head, let me know : D

If you’re interested in my other WIP, click here ~

Play the demo here! (10K WORDS)
https://dashingdon.com/play/katandgale/bad-penmanship/mygame/

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Seems interesting, and I thoroughly enjoyed the silly slang, and strong personality of the writing. :blush:
Looking forward to seeing where the plot takes us.

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Like it so far… It is a different twist with the dective them.

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I really like it so far! Will there be a save system? Because I can see myself, making a lot of mistakes in the future.

Summary

image
I chose Meldy as a my MC’s male best friend. The pronoun is wrong.

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Ooh thank you, I didn’t spot that one! Fixed and will be implemented in the next update : )
And yes, there is supposed to be a save system, the code is there, but I suppose dashingdon decided it is not so. I’ll check it lol!
Thanks so much!

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this is amazing! i can’t wait to see more C:

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@katandgale aaaaa Kat you’re back and with a new Wip too :blush: and I gotta say that I really like the premise :blush:.
And here are some probably useless rant/opinion :
The world the story takes place seems to be fun though I found the dialogue and some of the words in the WIP weird? :thinking: and I think that some of them can be dealt a bit more better.
I don’t know if it was a typo but is Dorrinell sometimes called as “doorbell” and are they non binary :thinking: ??
I also spotted something weird in you demo I chose meldy as a dude but in the demo he flipped into a girl during the choice when we’re about to choose our height
The characters here are really fun :grin: especially the “motley crew” :grin:

The letter we received seemed really intresting is it a possibility that it’s linked into the murder in the earlier part of the game :thinking: and I also feel that it was a bit unprofessional of the agency to just give them a job when EVEN the sender’s name is unavailable.

I also have a few questions about the game.
1.What would happen if you refuse the offer??
2. Is there any romance in this game??
3. What inspired the game and is it based on a certain era or is it all just fictional?? :thinking:
Overall, I love premise and enjoy the demo :blush:

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Hello!!! Glad to see you back Jess!!! Your questions about Keys always helped me immensely in world building, and here they really help out too : D

Questions

I suppose the words used in this world are supposed to set it apart and make it clear that it’s not Earth, though I can understand your confusion. I’ll try and make it more consistent or clear!

Nope, not a typo. Since Dorrinell is pretty annoying, Kitty was the first one to come up with the nickname “Doorbell” when they’re not around. And yes, they are non binary : )

And oops, yes this happened sometimes with Kioko too, the genderflipping. Sometimes my mind blanks and I forget to put the code to set Meldy as either a guy or a gal. I’ll fix it up straight away!

Spoiler, but the letter isn’t linked to the murder earlier. Though, possibly it could be later… :smirk:

Of course, the Unit, Dorrinell in particular, is a little bit unforgiving with the rookies, but they wouldn’t give the letter to them without identifying the sender. Since handwriting is so important in this society, the Unit was able to easily track whoever wrote the letter.

It’s at the end of the WIP. If you chose to refuse the offer, Dorrinell says that the client is actually loaded due to rich parents, and the Unit needs the money to expand, so you’d be forced to take the job anyways. Well, I had to move the story along…

Yes! I can’t possibly make a game without romance!! : D I just didn’t have time for much of it in this very short preview. Keys’ first chapter is nearly twice as long!

I was thinking the era is sort of futuristic, but since this is a completely different world, I wouldn’t be able to tell you a time period. But I’ll tell you there aren’t many rural areas, so if you’re in the biggest city in your big chunk of the world, it’s quite crowded and very large. I had in mind NYC while writing about Pasdence.

I was inspired by just a big love of mystery and an idea I came up while just lounging around at home one day. Literally, I don’t know, one thought leads to another.

…No I wasn’t inspired by death note. I swear, if anybody tells me that…

Thank you so much for asking all these questions! They always make me think harder about the world. I really appreciate it : D

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What a fun wip! The writing’s very unique and enjoyed it

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Don’t worry Kat I didn’t think Death Note was your inspiration it doesn’t seem like it and yaaaaay for the romance :smiley:
So penmanship was pretty important in their society huh… :thinking:
Anyways who are the ROs in the game??? Cause we can’t have romance if we don’t know who to romance would we :grin:
And wow… I didn’t think you love mystery (it’s not an insult I swear since I somewhat love mystery too if you were wondering)
And woo look at this intresting tidbit

[quote=“katandgale, post:8, topic:50407, full:true”
Spoiler, but the letter isn’t linked to the murder earlier. Though, possibly it could be later… :smirk:
[/details]
[/quote]

And Kat thanks for welcoming me with open arms (even with the annoying questions and theories :sweat_smile:)

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No problem at all! It helps more than you know :slight_smile:

Summary

Romantic options are Kitty, Meldy, Uma, and Zade. I plan to make a dead-end option for Dorrinell and Stig, just to pull at your heart strings ; )
Put it in a spoiler since, yknow, a little bit of a spoiler.
Yes, I adore mystery! I’ve actually loved it for a very long time. The professor Layton series of games originally got me interested, and then I began to read tons of mystery books. Since I’m too much of a wuss and a weakling to be a PI or an actual officer, why not write about it?
Keys is sort of mystery too, what with the hybrid murder conspiracy.

Thank you again!!!

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I love mystery too :blush::grinning: and I can relate to you with being a PI. Looks interesting but I don’t think I have the skills for the job :sweat_smile: anyways I have another question is the lady we’re going to protect a RO and will we have other ROs added or are our crew the only ROs available :thinking:

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Ah, yes, the excitement of solving a case, but also, the horrible image of seeing those bodies in person. I wouldn’t be able to do it!

And currently, the only ROs are Kitty, Meldy, Uma, and Zade, though more could be introduced later? But for now I don’t have any plans to.

Thanks :slight_smile:

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Per Author Request

This looks like a cool little story so far :ok_hand:t5:

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I do also like that there’s kinda a unique slang with the characters, adds a bit of flavor to the game

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This seems great! is it supposed to end on a permanent loading screen after the assignment is given, though?

No matter - the narration is delightful. There is a very obvious and distinct voice to this game - you bring a flavor that not many authors are able to do without coming off as condescending.

My only piece of advice would be to, perhaps, make it a tad clearer, earlier in the game, what it means to have one’s name erased. I’m still not 100% certain. Does one’s real name stay hidden on one’s person?

Gameplay wise, I’m curious if you plan to add variable consequences to choices. I anticipated more “good” options (like wanting to save people) would affect morality, and sort of making fun of Kitty would affect your relationship with her.

I look forward to seeing more of this, though! I’m already enamored with Meldy, lmao

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Hi,

Thank you very very much!! :smiley:
No, it was not supposed to be perpetually loading…I blame dashingdon lol. Sorry about that one!
Thank you so much for that! I really wanted to go for a unique vibe with this one. I was inspired by certain fictional characters with very bold personalities that I wanted to capture in MC, while still giving them the ability to shape their own personality as well.

I certainly will do that! I’ve been having a hard time figuring out how to subtly explain, what in this world is very common sense, to the reader. Your first name is called an Alias because it is only something people call you; your true name is known by you and only you unless you decide to tell it to somebody (which is very highly advised against since it’s very easy to kill someone with their true name.) It’s a string of letters and numbers basically, many people try to forget them but simply can’t. (I swear I’ll come up with something better than that…)

Yes, I do plan to add more consequences and influential choices, simply not in this first chapter (for now.) I can say for a fact one of my weaker points when writing CS games is deciding where I should add said choices and what stats they should influence. I will work on that for sure!

I really really appreciate the feedback, thank you so much for reading <3 I’m glad you enjoyed it and I always hope to improve!

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Are you still working on keys?