An actual comment on the story - I usually try to find something positive to say, so I will say that the author does seem to have been genuinely passionate about their work. The artwork is convincingly made, and the art style compelling.
I will not comment on the word count as it is not very relevant and others have.
The actual work though, seems to have been (and was advertised) as a comedy, but I found myself laughing not because the book was funny, but laughing as in “these jokes are really bad, it’s so absurd I’m laughing because WTF?”
I also felt like I’d been dropped in a weird setting without much explanation, and wasn’t sure why I was searching some…high school bleachers for a helmet??
I’m not sure their choice to have such a closed beta was a good idea either - doesn’t seem to have gone through much rigorous testing.
If it had, someone might have given some advice on the paragraphing/spacing.
As it is, even the Stats Screen variables are not capitalized. The coding end and fake_choices are also not well done.
Frankly, it felt like I was reading a book made by a thirteen year old, and not in a flattering way.
Edit: One of the screens seems to have been taken from Choice of The Dragon and the animal names just edited and the wording loosely paraphased. This is intensely lazy.
True. I have an innate dislike of most comedies, but obviously that is not very fair to the author. Still, the writing is poorly paced, and I am surprised there were no lines about “breasted boobily” in there - that was the level of humor.
For the taking of 75% of revenue to publish with Hosted Games, for purposes that include marketing and the such, I expect this to be an issue that should be taken seriously and not attributed to “the chaos of the holiday season” when this also happened to Sword of Rhivenia. Being that the only marketing it received was an email to the email subscribers…
I have to agree with this review. One thing I absolutely can’t stand in a book ( and this might be a personal pet peeve) is a snarky narrator. The narrator who just wants to have a one-sided conversation with you, the reader, and rub their superiority in your face.
I couldn’t get past it long enough to finish this book. However, I read enough to realize that it’s the kind of comedy where the wit is supposed to make up for the lack of story-telling and worldbuilding. The story exists as a setup for the author’s jokes and that’s why there is Kung-Fu in Camelot.
Oh dear. Now I am a bit afraid - my own book definitely has a snarky narrator, but I definitely don’t rub things in your face - at least I try not to! I only really rub if you’ve managed to fail a stat check so badly you deserve it (by obviously picking wrong things)
Start a tumblr, discord if it gains traction, and be active on all of those so you can get beta feedback. Put yourself out there!!!
I hope the author of Arthur: A Retelling sees this and does the same for their next work! Dont be discouraged mate, you can make another game and learn from this as you further polish your skills!
There are some readers that really enjoy a snarky narrator.
If you still have concerns read back over the feedback you have gotten so far on your open demo to see how readers are liking the narrator.
If the majority of the readers are enjoying the snarky narrator then just leave it as is
Or you can create a poll and ask them how the feel about the narrator
If I’m not mistaken, the turning into animals thing was originally in TH White’s The Once and Future King, which the Disney animation is based on. It (Arthur: A Retelling) does start with a more humorous/whimsical style instead of a straightforward take, though it gets more serious and fantastical in later chapters fwiw.
(Also I thought the kung fu thing was a reference to King Arthur Legend of the Sword. Anyone remember Kung Fu George? )
A note about the gender options: if you play as female or enby Arthur, your name will still be Arthur. You will at times be called son of Uther and “Arthur himself” at one point by Rience.
While I believe the work is in public domain, the art in this CoG is by Aubrey Beardsley, drawn for Le Morte d’Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory, not by this author.
I wasn’t going to reply but mans has been called out twice so okay. When I said 30,000 words was impressive, I was referring more to the effort and commitment than the actual word count. I have started and left countless projects that far exceed ones that I have seen to fruition. Now sure, not everyone is as blasé as me but the success of an author who has seen and completed a project to completion should be commended, it’s hard to convince myself to get up in the morning sometimes, let alone publish a piece of work.
i… just read the whole book and thread discussion. playthrough took me a little over an hour. honestly the thread is pretty hectic but the book itself was fine.it has flaws like the much mentioned pacing but i still liked it.
it’s not for everyone so i can see why some people don’t like the humour but tbh you shouldn’t take it too seriously.i liked the angle the book was aiming for and i don’t think it was meant to be a guinevere or whatever merit people put on arthurian games, rather something jokey and short like @Havenstone mentioned.
i would say give it a try if you’re up for a fun and light read. it has a very nice price too.
Just finished a play through. There is definitely some grammatical errors, misspellings etc
Pacing needs to be polished up more.
Would recommend that the author consider doing a closed beta for their next work to help iron out the rough spots.
I did enjoy the snarky-ness of the author.
This story isn’t meant to be taken seriously so if you approach it with the mindset that it’s meant to be a jokey/tongue in cheek light read then you may enjoy it.
This is their first work and as with anything the more you continue to do something the better you will get at it.
So I do hope the author decides to continue to write Interactive Fiction as they have really good potential.
I look forward to seeing them get better and better at this.
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