Hello to anyone that is currently reading this, and welcome to my new wip Among the Fire and Trees. The story takes place during the Vietnam after the Tet Offense. You start off with your relaxing routine only to realize you have been drafted into the war, and will be forced to server in the army or the air force. The story will not include a female story line because I would have to write an entirely new game.
For working in IT for 3 years now it took me 2 hours to figure out how to load an HTML file without the original files
Finish boot camp path
Add specialized guns
Path for air force and army
Add a path to be Vietcong (Not guaranteed)
More will be revealed, but this is the current goal for next chapter
I only did the Vietnam war because it’s the only war that I know the most about, and it also brings out the best and worst of people. Really unfortunate that people don’t make more games based off of this war.
I’m assuming there was a choice missing here? I know very little about ChoiceScript and coding in general so
The sentence should read The IV stand has a bag on it that says “EXPERIMENTAL DRUG, DO NOT TEST”.
Not sure what the first line is trying to say, even with the surname included. Was it supposed to be you or is Young the doctor’s surname that I just completely missed?
This page also feels very… bare? I suggest explaining the process of the medical examination rather than “he does it. all finished.” Nothing too detailed or extensive, just a little bit of flavor!
First line should read healthy enough to serve in the army, other should be others and the last bit of dialogue should read “Yes, Drill Sergeant!”.
The Drill Sergeant isn’t as intimidating as I expected him to be I suggest you use a couple of exclamation marks when he’s talking to really give the impression that he’s barking orders. As it stands his dialogue is very flat and I imagine him to sound very monotonous.
Another coding error I think?
I could be wrong about splitting it up but the second paragraph should read Everyone rushes to form a line with much success. However, there are a few people who are unable to get into a line in an orderly fashion, only to see that the Drill Sergeant is very displeased.
Meatheads is one word, “line” should be in between orderly and what, and you should use exclamation marks where I underlined the periods.
There should be “the” in between in and room.
I bit of dialogue with Mark would be helpful. It’s always better to show, don’t tell. Give the reader some insight into his character that isn’t the MC’s monologue.
What it lacks in features is made up for in it’s eyes.
Also, not sure what the usage of bear implies here. If it’s a reference to us sleeping I suggest using sloth instead. If a reference to our body type(?) then it seems fair to give the player the option to choose. Almost 100% sure it’s the former, though.
I’m no expert on boot camp but doesn’t the Drill Sergeant usually enter the bunks and wait for everyone to get in two lines outside their beds? Seems rather far fetched that we managed to get another 2 hours without the Drill Sergeant noticing.
Stats, Strength, and is there no better term to use than Hippie? Not that it bothers me personally, just seems out of place.
I think you need to work on your dialogue and descriptions a bit, certain scenes felt awkward and stiff.
Also, not sure what the scene with the conscience stuff was about? Was it to do with the drug? I know next to nothing about the Vietnamese War so if American soldiers were drugged and suffered hallucinations then ignore what I’m about to say but if it’s so easy to add a story about cooky mind stuff, what’s so hard about a female storyline? If you simply don’t want to then don’t, but I don’t imagine saying that women were also conscripted would mess everything up.
Also curious about the ROs (unless ROS means something else). If women aren’t in the army we’d be left with primarly men, and given the stance on homosexuality in both that period and in the army in general it’s going to be pretty awkward.
I’d like to see how the story goes, though, especially boot camp. Like I said I have little knowledge of the Vietnam War so I’m prepared to be enlightened
Edit: Italics messed up the formatting for some reason looked fine in the preview
First of all I appreciate your feed back, and corrections to several errors within in the story it means much to me that you are willing to put your time and effort into my story.
The intent was to be confusing, but later on the story it would be further explained upon. I intentionally did it so that you would feel the say way your character feels at the moment. Though it might be replaced with a reoccurring nightmare, so I am using it a placeholder right now.
Women were in the Vietnam war, but they had entirely different roles compared to the men. Women were nurses back then, and didn’t really enter combat, so I was thinking of making some of the nurses ROS.
Adding a female role is hard because it’s an entirely new story line. Females were never able to be drafted in the first place, and because of that I would have to create a new intro, and change the entire boot camp sequence. Also, women were rarely in the heat of the combat because their primary role was nurse, but nothing is set in stone. I will consider adding a female role when I finish the men role because they intertwine very nicely.
Hippies were the people who protested the Vietnam War the most. They prefer peace over war, which why it’s against nationalism. It’s fit because it’s when the movement was prominent.
Damn you got me. I was hoping nobody would notice that, and just roll along. But if someone already found this mistake this early on I have to fix it.
TBH I dislike our involvement in the revolution. I’m sympathetic to the Vietcong because they were being ruled and dictated by a colonial power in the 70’s, which is just a shame. I might add the path after the two main lines are done, so I don’t overkill anything.
You need a PC or just hit the restart button.
Maybe you can help me fixing some factually incorrect details if there are some.
The great thing about vietnam is that it’s like an action movie. WW2 and WW1 were primarily a game of political views and attrition. Vietnam was the only thing stopping communism from spreading in Asia. Well that is what America wants you to believe. The United states intervention is what caused the communists to come abroad. If the US supported the revolutionaries they might have been another western democracy, which can be a result id you play the game wisely. The vietnam war I find has many more variations of endings than the great war. You could either have axis lose or win for the great war. Vietnam could have wars with china, wars with Russia, an uprising of democracy in China. Vietnam war shaped Asia as you see it today.
The most ironic thing about the Americans getting involved in Vietnam is the fact that they supported president diem even though he was a dictator and suppressed budhist monks and was totally corrupt even though they are supposed to champion democracy and all that and also because they got involved to stop the “domino effect” which is basically the Americans thought that if one Asian country fell to communism the rest would follow suit and eventually lead to countries such as India and Australia to be communist- the Vietcong won the Vietnam war and the domino effect never actually happened