Advice on writing Femmcs

Game Development Writing and Content
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Short of writing a completely different game within my game, what are some tips on writing female mcs that you guys can give, spoke to one of my female beta testers and she said that the game felt male centric and there isn’t any avoiding that. But I am looking for some tips on how to make it feel less male centric and give the female mc a little more impact.

Currently, I planned some differences between the male and female mc, but they are more so planned concepts like how they interact with certain ROs, NPCs and other stuff. But short of rewriting the game to include a whole different path for female mcs, I am lost on more ways to improve it.

Edit: My female beta tester has recommended that I drop the femmc route, and focus on writing the male character as she doesn’t see many women reading my slop. So uh, thanks for the advice but it’s not likely to be used.

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In what way did the game feel male-centric? Did it have to do with the subject matter, the character’s thought processes, the character’s relationships, or something else entirely?

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They didn’t mention anything on it felt male-centric, but if I had to guess then I would say that it was the subject matter in a sense. The game puts the mc as the captain of their high school’s football team and their quarterback (American football, football is the one where you kick to score.)

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Does the football team have other women on it? I think you should add a bit about how the team made adjustments to become coed. Acknowledging that football isn’t typically a sport women are allowed to participate in could help. Also maybe add in some details that depict the struggle of being a girl playing a traditionally male sport. That’s all I can think of.

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the player is the only female on the team, high school football is apparently coed in nature but females just don’t play that often apparently.

I already acknowledged the fact that isn’t a women sport in general with the player, coach and how some character’s view the female mc. Both positively and negatively.

In a sense I can’t depict the struggle as the mc, whether male or female is a generational talent and that factor is important to the story. If you mean more on the themes of how they are treated, then I can only show that in how opposing teams treat them as their team treat them the same no matter the gender. (they do however mention how good the fem mc is and how weird they are for playing football.)

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I think Diane is right. If MC is the only female football player it would feel very alienating playing a femmc, but it could be something like your FMC is the first girl on the team since it went coed, so there would be a reason as to why she’s the only one, rather than “girls just don’t like to play football as much as boys”. It would probably be viewed as either brave, reckless, or stupid by other students and her teammates.

This could also be part of the problem, as I cannot imagine a girl getting sportsman spanks from her male teammates for a touchdown or a good job as being seen as a positive thing (as an example). There would probably have to be more concessions towards a FMC being different within the team as well otherwise MC will likely read as male-coded.

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when I said girls just don’t play that often, I do mean that because American football in real life is actually co-ed.

The team being supportive and accepting of the mc is a very important part of the story, I can’t just remove that.

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Well, I am also American, so it’s ok. Typically if a high school football team in the US is co-ed, it is dependent upon the school in particular, usually going the route of “girl tries out for boy’s team because there is no girl team” rather than teams being advertised as co-ed. There are schools that ban co-ed teams (my hometown being an example). I mean, people freaked out when there was a female referee during an NFL game (do you not remember people screaming about Sarah Thomas reffing a Super Bowl game??), could you imagine what it would be like to be a female player in that kind of hostile environment? It starts in high school.

I never said to make the team unsupportive, I said you should look into how they treat a FMC in regards to things like touching/how they celebrate/or heck, even how they’ll have to protect her from the people who will not approve. I mean it wouldn’t be ridiculous for some teammates to regard her as brave/crazy for willingly trying out for a team where she’s going to catch a lot of flak from outsiders, and men mansplaining football to her. Unless this is fantasy football and women on the team is considered normal, then you should just add more women to the team to match.

Consider: If you were the only man on a volleyball team because your school didn’t have a boy’s team would you expect to be treated as “one of the girls”?

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I see, imma see what I can implement ig.

And thanks for the help.

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Also just want to point out, in some school districts where football is “co-ed” female students are only allowed to be kickers. Which was true where I grew up and we did have a girl on the team. Just wantes to point that out as I feel that could impact what it feels like to be female football player.

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well the player is the quarterback, they have the vice principal of the school, the coach and the former team captain backing their position. if it isn’t realistic, I am writing fiction anyways.

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I am American. High school tackle football is not “coed in nature.” It is overwhelmingly a male sport. There are about a million high school football players in this country, and only about 2500 of them are girls. Most girls who play football are the only girl on the team. Most boys who play football have never had a female teammate or opponent. Legally, government-funded schools have to provide equal opportunities for female athletes, so it’s hard to outright forbid a girl to try out for the team, but she does so knowing that she’s walking into as male-dominated an environment as exists. She knows it’s likely that every teammate, opponent, coach, and referee she’ll meet if she makes the team will be male, and most of them won’t want her there. Some of them may be concerned about her safety engaged in such a rough physical activity against people who are statistically likely to be both larger and more muscular, but some just think of football as a boys’ club; a place where men can be men, high on the heady scent of sweat and testosterone and crushed grass and a little blood; where weakness is shameful - what are you, some kind of pussy?

The best way to know what your beta reader meant by “male-centric,” and what she would have liked to see instead, is to ask her. But if I had to guess, I’d say that your story didn’t ring true for her, that your writing the only girl on the football team as “just one of the guys” left her feeling that you didn’t really have a girl in mind as the main character of this story, that the character she was playing was basically just a dude with boobs pasted on.

I can see only three ways this story can work, and no matter what, something’s got to give.

  • You create a world in which football is actually a coed sport. At least two or three of the PC’s teammates are female. There are at least three or four girls on every team they play against. No one is surprised to see a girl playing football, and the PC’s teammates and opponents treat her exactly as they would any other player. As you say, you’re writing fiction, so it doesn’t have to be realistic, and this is a totally valid choice.
  • You commit to telling a story that realistically represents the experience of a girl on the football team in the world we actually live in. Nearly everybody is surprised she plays football. Some of her teammates avoid her, some make lewd comments, and some keep helpfully explaining what a field goal is. Some people assume she’s sleeping with the whole team. Some people assume she’s, ahem, playing for the other team, if you know what I mean. You don’t necessarily have to do a deep dive into all the challenges she faces, but they should definitely be felt to some extent, especially in dialogue and flavoring text.
  • You make your PC a guy. You’re not under contract with CoG, so there’s no requirement that your PC be gender-selectable. Personally, I would rather play a game with a well-crafted male protagonist than one where I can play a woman who feels like an afterthought. There definitely are people who won’t even give your game a try if they can’t choose the PC’s gender, but those people won’t like your game anyway if the gender choice feels shoehorned in.
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The world of football (and many sports in general) is male-dominated, so your world might naturally feel male-centric. If the MC was written as male, then making a female MC an option without adjusting the world can feel like an afterthought, something that many female players might notice.

Even if your setting allows coed sports, that needs to be reflected in the world itself. Your intentions won’t natter if it’s not shown throughout your story. A simple way I could think of is by including at least one relevant female figure in football. She doesn’t have to be a teammate, maybe a coach or a reference of a female from a rival team, but she should exist in a way that shows that women do have a place in the sport.

You don’t need a completely different story for the female MC, but some small tweaks, like different social dynamics with teammates, different public perception, or gossips about her role can help. The key is making her presence as a female matter in the world, rather than feeling like just a gender-flipped version of the male MC.

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I will try to respond to your reply to the best of my ability, I see your points and to a certain extent I did plan to implement some of them.

She knows it’s likely that every teammate, opponent, coach, and referee she’ll meet if she makes the team will be male, and most of them won’t want her there. Some of them may be concerned about her safety engaged in such a rough physical activity against people who are statistically likely to be both larger and more muscular, but some just think of football as a boys’ club; a place where men can be men, high on the heady scent of sweat and testosterone and crushed grass and a little blood; where weakness is shameful - what are you, some kind of pussy?

For one, due to the teams of the story and some other factors, the team is supportive of the player and the player character is inherently a power fantasy character due to reasons in the story and how the story was created. So they are talented and excel in the sport, the coach supports them also and on the female route. The player has the female vice principal pushing them and supporting them in the sport.

But if I had to guess, I’d say that your story didn’t ring true for her, that your writing the only girl on the football team as “just one of the guys” left her feeling that you didn’t really have a girl in mind as the main character of this story, that the character she was playing was basically just a dude with boobs pasted on.

I did ask her about it, and she said some bits feel a bit off but didn’t feel like she was playing a male character with boobs. I am not that shit of a writer, plus it has been through a lot of rewrites to give the female players some meat.

  • You create a world in which football is actually a coed sport. At least two or three of the PC’s teammates are female. There are at least three or four girls on every team they play against. No one is surprised to see a girl playing football, and the PC’s teammates and opponents treat her exactly as they would any other player. As you say, you’re writing fiction, so it doesn’t have to be realistic, and this is a totally valid choice.

The player will more than likely be the only or one of two female players on the team, the football and the team as a whole is both important and necessary to the story but also something in the background if that makes sense.

  • You make your PC a guy. You’re not under contract with CoG, so there’s no requirement that your PC be gender-selectable. Personally, I would rather play a game with a well-crafted male protagonist than one where I can play a woman who feels like an afterthought. There definitely are people who won’t even give your game a try if they can’t choose the PC’s gender, but those people won’t like your game anyway if the gender choice feels shoehorned in.

originally the game was going to be gender locked to save time, on writing and coding but some of my beta testers requested a female mc. So they were added and I am taking steps to write them to the best of my ability, so I won’t be dropping the female mc.

  • You commit to telling a story that realistically represents the experience of a girl on the football team in the world we actually live in. Nearly everybody is surprised she plays football. Some of her teammates avoid her, some make lewd comments, and some keep helpfully explaining what a field goal is. Some people assume she’s sleeping with the whole team. Some people assume she’s, ahem, playing for the other team, if you know what I mean. You don’t necessarily have to do a deep dive into all the challenges she faces, but they should definitely be felt to some extent, especially in dialogue and flavoring text.

I can’t really do this to an extent, because of how I set up things in the background for the female player. She is the team captain and was elected to that position by the team and was under the tutelage of the former captain. So her teammates will support her and include her in stuff but won’t include her in everything due to gender differences but she will be a part of the locker room talks and other stuff.

They will be jokes however about the player being gay, if the player is female then the player’s parents made a bet about her being into girls and how that plays out is up to player choice, people in the school and town accept her because she turned the team into a winning team and they will never take that from her. The only people that would taunt her and mess with her is the opposing teams and I did say above that I would commit to that idea.

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@Habbie I somewhat I agree with what you are saying, but the player being a female isn’t an afterthought but it isn’t the main focus of the story if the player is a female. They are the second coming of tom brady no matter the gender lol.

Coed is allowed in the school and even encouraged because the vice principal is pushing it, so for the main focus of the story with the town and the school. It makes sense as to why things are the way they are.

They are small differences in the story between the female and male player, as I was already coding and including that but I wanted to see what else I could do that is short of doing some drastic changes.

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MC’s talent is the main focus, I get that, and it made sense to the generational talent MC you’re going for.

My point was not that your female is an afterthought, it’s just your world doesn’t reflect coed participation naturally, and that subtle worldbuilding cues can help ensure the game doesn’t feel male by default.

Since the school is already coed and supportive, showing that through small details, like as I’ve suggested a simple reference to a relevant female figure in the football world or something similar you can think of, could help the female MC’s presence feel more natural without drastic changes.

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I find this part mildly concerning. Do you mean to have her share a locker room with a group of men in a public school setting? Like, give her a little curtain divider or something? :sob:

It might be a better idea to just change the setting to the parking lot after a game instead, since a lot of team members like to loiter after games and practices and such.

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I find this part mildly concerning. Do you mean to have her share a locker room with a group of men in a public school setting? Like, give her a little curtain divider or something? :sob:

:sob: the keyword there was talk, the female player has a separate shower and changing room away from the other players. What I mean by locker room talks were random conversations that boys have.

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Oh man, I was worried because your phrasing made it sound like it took place in the locker room. :joy:

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… You know, my main takeaway from the conversation is that I’d like to play this game a lot.

As an aside, I do feel lik the OP created a strange dichotomy of “can’t explore the challenges of being a lone woman in a male-dominated sport, because this is a power fantasy about a super talented player”. I mean, a power fantasy is usually all about taking those challenges head-on, and overcoming them with flying colours.

I get not having the time to write the game in an entirely different way depending on the gender, that’s completely valid, though. But I do believe that if that’s the case, you’d better gender-lock the story.

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