Great start although the first bit bothered me:
“He feared what he could not control, and he could not control magic”
you could instead :
He feared what he could not control, magic.
this way you don’t have to repeat it 2x 
Do we get to romance the wolf when he becomes human?
Well if I read correctly in the last posts, the wolf is what older than the MC, but if I’m wrong can someone correct me please.
It says there is a 404 error when trying to open the link
Couldn’t open the link.
Same as the two above me.
Hi everyone! I somehow survived my finals, and went on two very long holidays and I won’t lie, I forgot about this for a pretty long time. But I’m back!
Reading back on what I’ve written, I decided to scrap a lot of it and almost restart. I made a skeleton for the plot, so it won’t be too dissimilar, but my descriptions are a lot more lengthly, and I like it a lot more now, and I hope you all do too!
It’s shorter now since I’m rewriting pretty much everything, but I changed much of the jar scene to make the MC sound younger. (thanks @Jesse haha)
@FalconXCII Thank you! And I hope your finals went well!
@moonwalkerdragon and @FireFlyy thank you both! 
sorry for leaving for so long, I hope you like what I’ve done to it now you’re the best
@Knightstrike oh wow, haha I’ve never heard of that manga before, but it sounds really cute 
I’m very into fairytale themes, so I drew some inspiration from Little Red Riding Hood too, ad evidentally so did they. I may have to check it out, thanks!
@Jesse (and @HuntedSnake) I’ve just fixed that! And that’s a good point - I only added the options for getting the jar down because I wanted to develop skill points in different types of magic, and I also wanted to let the player interact with the game early on - otherwise there aren’t many places I can put choices.
@Sammysam Sorry, that was actually the placeholder name for the main character 
I’ve fixed it now! I called the MC Mira (fun fact: after my favourite female character from the telltale GoT, she’s a boss 
) while I was drafting and I must have let it slip in. One of the name choices you can pick for girls is “Meera”, so you can see where I got that from
@FaerieDragon thank you for all of your comments! I’ve expanded on the history of the magic ban (maybe a bit too much), so I hope that answers your questions.
17 Likes
good to have you back buddy 
1 Like
welcome back; I look forward to your updates.
1 Like
Over all I truly enjoyed what you have so far.
As for any criticisms I have, the story of how magic was banned seemed a bit rushed.
My thoughts are, maybe expand on who the queen was. Maybe even have it where the queen was kind and honest to the people, was a lover of the mystic arts, and would always try to show the king the beauty magic could create.
You could even have it where the king started to agree with his wife; but of course all good prologues usually end in tragedy. This is where the battle with Aronia comes into play. Have the mage assassin be someone who the the queen was always kind to, and who the king started to have friendship with. This gives the King’s reason for the execution of all magic users a more solid base.
You could aslo say there where whispers that Aronia was behind the plot, but the King in his rage would dimiss the rumors and maybe even execute some of the people spreading those stories accusing them of supporting “the demons” that took away the kingdoms beloved queen.
2 Likes
I had an error 404 appear to me like magic…
Eyyyy,this project has risen from the grave.That’s nice to hear.
So far,the story seems pretty interesting.I like how this particular fantasy world is unique in the fact that magic isnt common since it’s banned from the land.Most fantasy worlds just have magic as a common aspect of life,so it’s pretty intriguing to see a setting that goes a complete 180 and do something like this.
Also,the stat screen doesn’t work.Just thought I’d tell you.
Overall,this seems like a pretty interesting story,and i’ll be watching it with interest.
1 Like
@moonwalkerdragon oh no! Can you give details about the error? In my update, I got rid of one bug, so it might be fixed now. Thanks for telling me!
@Megus thanks for your feedback! I brisked over a lot of the details and kept it pretty vague, mainly because I didn’t want to drag it out too long - it’s already almost thrice the length of the original prologue, so I didn’t want to lose people to boredom hahaha, but thanks, I will flesh it out in time
@AAO thank you! BBCs Merlin is actually what first gave me the idea of forbidden magic. It’s such an interesting concept, I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I watched it, and I came up with this
Also, I know the stat screen doesn’t work, that’s because I haven’t actually made one yet 
1 Like
I like it it just had a error and I was like noo I was enjoying it
Heya, I’m really sorry about that! Do you have details, so I can take a look?
Its really improved since the last time I read it, Well done!!!
@halcyon
1 Like
This really improved since the last time I’ve read this.
As for the error, I’m assuming it happens only cause you only have one chapter up?
You also have an error in the stats page.
Other than that, I loved it. I’m excited for more!
2 Likes
How far does this build go? I can only get up to one page past the old woman leaving our home.