A Witch's Curse (W.I.P) (Updated 3/2/2019)

low-fantasy
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
#41

@rosemary_and_sage I tried to portrait the “Mother” with the “hand-eye” thing :DD so glad you like it ! I tried my best, because I was in love with the story from the first letter ! (◍•ᴗ•◍):heart:

2 Likes
#42

Poked around in the code because I like seeing how other people do things.

Hope you don’t mind. The dreaming section with your BFF is pretty messy. I recommend cleaning it up with some goto's or gosub's to keep things more vertical.

More importantly: the whole flirting sequence is actually repeated twice (it’s an option in the first set of choices, and then copied and pasted later on if you miss it the first time, I gather).

Instead you could have the flirting take place in a subroutine.

An Example
*choice
  # Don't flirt.
    You stand there staring gormlessly at the sun for a hot minute. Drool drips down your chin.
    Your friend looks a bit bored.
    *choice
      # What's a little harmless flirting between friends?
        *gosub flirt
        "What took you so long?" ${BFF_heshe} says.
        *goto next
      # I SAID DON'T FLIRT
        *goto next
  # What's a little harmless flirting between friends?
    *gosub flirt
    "I thought you'd never ask," ${BFF_heshe} says.
    *goto next

*label flirt
"LET ME TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF" you shriek, scaring away the local wildlife.
It works. You're a bonafide modern day Casanova.
*set romance +9000

*return

*label next
...

Something to that effect! You want to avoid needlessly repeating code.

3 Likes
#43

your work so cool love hand eye

1 Like
#44

So so glad you do ! :>

2 Likes
#45

Ok so a very dumb question but what year does the game take place? Like does it start at 1800s and skips to 2000s?

1 Like
#46

Not a dumb question at all, I’ve actually been toying with putting dates in to just help clarify things a bit. If I’m being honest though, my own ideas of the dates are kinda vague… The prologue takes place in the late 1700s/early 1800s and the story proper takes place in the late 80’s/early 90s. (Before cell phones are really a thing and back when being a sleuthing young adult was kinda in fashion a la Nancy Drew.)

EDIT: Went ahead and added dates to help clarify time period.

3 Likes
#47

First of all, I really like your writing style and the story so far definitely has me hooked, really good job! Just wanted to point out a small error in writing:

Small writing error

No biggie but easily missed. Anyway, looking forward to where this goes!

1 Like
#48

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that I’m back from vacation and that the update should be up in a few days!

EDIT: Update up! Now, just a warning since I didn’t have my laptop over the trip, I was using my phone to write. I tried to go back and fix everything today, but please let me know if you run into problems or typos or weird repeat walls of text!

16 Likes
#49

Omg Landon/Lorelie is turned into a pet!!! I love it, love this idea lol.

#50

Ran into this

Also @Hoang_Dieu you’re gonna wanna blur that. I got spoiled as soon as I clicked on this thread lol

#51

@Hoang_Dieu yes, please blur that out if you can. I don’t want anyone else to get spoiled for the the first chapter already! [ spoiler]text [/spoiler] if you take out the space i put in front of spoiler you can use that as a template to hide it :slight_smile:

@pandaboi Should be fixed now!

#52

@pandaboi @rosemary_and_sage
I got it. Sorry for spoiling :smile:

2 Likes
#53

Swap problem and solve


In 5 what? Minutes I hope


That is probably supposed to be a variable


Not witches?

1 Like
#54

@Noah I dont mean this the wrong way, so I hope it’s not taken as such, but I’m curious where you’re from?

I’m just wondering because where I’m from (and English is my native language) it’s a perfectly normal way of speaking if someone says, for example, “my job is to problem solve” or “i’m a problem solver” and same with if someone says “I’ll be there in 5” it’s said often and the meaning is clear (although let’s be real, no one actually gets anywhere in 5 minutes, I’m usually left waiting 15 to 30 min :laughing:)

Also I think “hexes” is correct cause it’s talking about types of magic, but there should be a comma after it

3 Likes
#55

So it is a slang?

I am not a native speaker and I mostly know the formal way of talking

1 Like
#56

@Noah Ah! Yep. I can see where the confusion comes from, so it might be better to change it anyway for the sake of people who speak English as a second (or other) language and don’t know some of our more… odd ways of speaking

I guess that decision will be left up to the author though haha

1 Like
#57
Typos, etc (warning because of the screenshots it is rather long)

Double typo


Next typo


Maria is female in my case


“Is isn’t” is a typo


Empty space requested


I am not sure if that is correct


One a too much


Two words

1 Like
#58

@Noah and @pandaboi thank y’all so much! I’ll get to fixing those typos right away! Like I said, I wrote most of this update on my phone, so I was sure there were lots of typos I missed. Also, I’ll go back and simplify some things for the sake of people who aren’t native speakers. If it isn’t clear from how often I use the word y’all, I’m from Texas, and so sometimes slang and common southern phrases slip into my writing without me noticing or even thinking about it. I’ll be more careful in the future though!

EDIT: Fixed those typos :slight_smile:

2 Likes
#59

GAAAAH! I love this, I have so many questions but all of them are super spoilery. And oh god, poor L, that scene from their point of view was infuriating and heart wrenching, (My poor mc is probably already going to have a meltdown if she recovers her memories, nevermind finding out all the shit Landon’s been through) please tell me we get to kick mother dearest’s vile, manipulating, neighbor murdering ass if we play our cards right.

On the bright side, kudos! As much as I absolutely freaking despise her, it’s for all the right reasons, she’s a very well done villain and a compelling character. :grin:

Questions!
How long ago was the mc memory wiped at the start of the game? And has the MC ever come close to remembering/escaping?

4 Likes
#60

@ApplePi Aw, I’m glad you hate her! There will definitely be a choice of revenge but whether or not it’s satisfying I want to depend on your choices. As for L, yeah they’ve been through some stuff. I’m glad people are liking the update though, I was worried I might be showing my cards too soon with the bit from L’s perspective.

Answers!
MC was captured in 1791 and the story proper starts in 1987 so it’s been about 200 years with the witch periodically wiping MC’s memory (about every 20 years or so) so they don’t get too suspicious. And I’d love to answer that last question, but spoilers!

7 Likes