A Player in the Crowd (My First IF Fan Fiction LitRPG Game RFC)

gender-choice

#1

Hello All,

My name is Bill and I invite you to read my work in progress, A Player in the Crowd. It’s url is https://dashingdon.com/play/wtaylorjr2001/a-player-in-the-crowd/mygame/index.php?cb=57714
and it is in the universe of 100 Luck and the Dragon Tamer’s Skill by Cristian Madalin Dragomir. I
am adding to it every day, though I just started four days ago. This is also an RFC, a request for
comments. Please help me improve this.

Thanks all of you for helping me to find errors in this work. Please continue to let me know where
these errors are and improvements can be. Thanks :slight_smile:


#2

This was a very interesting read. I didn’t finish because I’m still at work but it’s fun to read


#3

Thank you. I am adding to it every day.


#4

I think that this is a continuity problem.

Summary

How to find other humans? According to the writeup on your stats screen on [Dance Poem] at this level of the skill, you can cause anything that could conceivably happen to happen. You just need to describe how it is done. At this level you can write using any physical medium. But how can you find human beings with this skill? You have no idea. You also have no quills or paper. They call paper vellum here. It is time to make a trip to the scribe’s store.

You swing a fist at the noble’s face. He started this. You don’t like to fight, but if necessary you can end one. He seems stronger than you so you should stand back and don’t let him grab you. You throw a flurry of blows that he is able to block only some ot them. You are definitely faster than him. You connected a few times and he is bleeding in an eye. The vendor rushes outside. The noble goes on the offensive and tries to throw a flurry of blows of his own, but he is too slow.

You wait as the noble screams at the downed vendor and waves his hands like a madman. This tirade continues for several minutes before the noble huffs and stops, looking at you looking at him. “What are you looking at cur?” He asks. “Nothing,” you say. The noble turns to the vendor one last time. “You have until tomorrow to give me some good news. I will be back then,” and with that the noble leaves.


#5

Thank you for showing me this. I will get it fixed asap


#6

What is this can you put a bit discretion


#7

Hi. Thanks for the response. Do you mean description? I will add a better one later today. Tell me if you meant something different please.


#8

That’s what I ment sorry I have dyisledxi


#9

It has potential. I would think about adding in choices of what you want your MC to look like and maybe even a choice of what skill you want.


#10

Thanks for your reply. I am still learning choicescript and I am not sure how to handle several powers yet. That’s why I made it two, Hero and Dance Poem. I added a way to describe how you look.


#11

I worked on the continuity and expanded chapter four. I hope you like it. :slight_smile: The revised story is up now.


#12

Not a guy :unamused:


#13

I changed the title of the thread a little bit to make it more clear what the WIP is called. Hope you don’t mind that.


#14

On it, I will have it fixed this iteration.I just uploaded the fix. If you find others let me know.


#15

Thanks for letting me know. And thanks for making it more clear.


#16

I am behind today, studying litrpg forms. Going to add quests and experience tomorrow or the day after latest. Will also finish chapter 5. This will be my update “thread” I updated the story/game with some minor fixes. More to come tomorrow.


#17

Sorry about the holdup on the posts, still purculating.


#18

I’m still here, please be patient and forgive this holdup. I am learning choicescript programming techniques.


#19

@William_H_Taylor

what I found
  • Your classes go buy and you find yourself gradually flowing into an average day.

I think what you mean is by


  • “Don’t look at me, I didn’t say a word. I heard someone though. I heard them saying something about a warmongering species and qthe destruction of our civilization.” You say.

I don’t think the q part supposed to be there


  • It is a world. It is a water world, and by the looks of it it is more of a water world than the earth is. This hologram, or whatever it is is huge.

This is may just me, but I found it hard to understand because the double it and is :sweat_smile: I recommend to at least put comma between it it and is is. This just suggestion of course.


  • There are about ten million of you hear? Oh my God that’s a lot. He says you will some become heroes and others become villains, and you suppose you will do battle with others in this arena.

I think it’s supposed to be here


  • You think that you are not ready for this. You are 17 years old and some ot these people you see are 25 to 30.

of


  • The 1 Sill point? You look through the list, most of them you have no idea what they do.

Skill?


  • Only water for as far as the eye can see.

eyes, it’s just one eye that see if there no s.


  • The vendor turns to look at you and begins “hello, ma"am, how can I help you?” The noble’s face turned red and he backhanded the vendor.

ma’am


This is interesting so far :slightly_smiling_face: my question is, can we meet Susan, Jason, and mc parents again? Also, are mc going to be blind?


#20

Thank you very much for your feedback, and it is very possible that Jason and Susan will be met again. One storyline the mc is quite blind, it depends on his or her choices. :slight_smile: