A Net of Magic (WIP)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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Hey there! So, I’m working on a game with an idea that’s been sitting in my head for… oh let’s say a decade. I just finished the first chapter and figured it’d be a good place to toss it out here. I’ll try and release a new chapter every 1-2 months. In the end, it’ll probably be 10 to 15 chapters.

Blurb:
Life was complicated enough when you were just trying to manage work or college. But, when magic, strange illness and frustrating, yet attractive individuals enter the picture, complicated becomes something of an understatement.

This is a urban fantasy story where the lines between magic and science are blurred. Where magic has been kept secret from most of the world, but technology and science are threatening that status quo. Where your community is not a particularly well to do one and thus easily threatened by the whims (or apathy) of the powerful. Where that leaves you, only you can decide.

Planned Features:

  • A dynamic family, with two complicated older brothers and a mother just trying to keep afloat.
  • Mysteries to solve, lore to discover.
  • A number of different groups/organizations which you can join, fight against or ignore.
  • Five different potential love interests. One of whom is nonbinary, one of whom is trans. All but the nonbinary one come with the option of being a man or a woman.
  • Each potential love interest has their own goals and hang-ups. Some of them will conflict with your goals, but you don’t always have to agree to get along.
  • Play as cis or trans. As a man, a woman or a nonbinary person.
  • Solve your problems in a variety of ways, from being the toughest in the room, to being clever or charming, to having a broad base of knowledge. Be warned, however, that every skill set has its short comings.

You can play the demo here: https://dashingdon.com/go/1646

Feedback is very much appreciated. While I have a pretty solid outline of where each of the story branches will go, I’m open to any and all feedback. I’d especially love feedback on how the game plays, as this is my first time writing a game.

Update Status:

Here’s where I’ll be keeping more detailed track of my progress. The game is currently slated to have 3-4 major story arcs, each 3-5 chapters long.

Minor revisions (typos, spelling, grammar sorts of things) will be done as soon as I find one/someone catches one I haven’t found.

First pass major revisions (edits to mechanics, plot, incorporating feedback and the like) will be done at the end each part.

Second pass major revisions will be done once the game is complete.

Chapter 1 - First pass rough draft done. ~6K
Chapter 2 - Detailed outline done. In the process of being written. (~6K/~15K)
Further chapters - Loosely outlined.

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Pretty solid so far! You’re writing has good quality and I was immediately gripped by the story. Keep up the good work! I’m looking forward to seeing this progress!

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As pleased as I am with your gender diversity, and given that usually I don’t have a problem with gender-switching characters, I think the trans man and trans woman experiences are different enough that if that’s a part of the character you want to delve in to very deeply, you might want to lock their gender. That said, I think a lot of people also appreciate rep that doesn’t make that big of a fuss of it, in which case their gender doesn’t necessarily matter–it depends on how you’re going to use the character.

The demo was good, I think–there isn’t a ton to go on yet. I did feel like I occasionally had a hard time telling what stats choices would affect, and–this might change as the story goes on–as of now the MC is assumed to have a good relationship with their family, which you might want to adjust for RP’s sake–some people might want MCs with a more strained relationship or end up feeling like the character they designed would clash more with the family members that are written. I especially noticed this when choosing a major for college–for one thing, you might want to add in more options unless it’s something that’s going to come up more often? But it also felt off that the descriptions for half the options centered around the MC’s brothers more than themselves. The vibe it gave off was sort of that the MC had their sibling in mind while making the decision, as opposed to the MC having their own motivations and interests in the subject.

I also think I’m seeing an issue with the “skeptical” stat–which so far seems to be raised by disbelieving in magic? Which makes sense earlier on, but if the character is going to end up surrounded by magic then having an MC who’s constantly denying that magic could be the cause of the events around them could get pretty silly. It’s a good stat concept, but based on what you’ve explained about the plot I’m not sure it suits the story you’re building.

I really like your concept, and so far I’ve thoroughly enjoyed what’s been written, even if all this reads a little critically. I’m definitely intrigued, and your opening very quickly sets a good, solid tone for a supernatural mystery story, so definitely looking forward to more!

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That was fun! I like how our stats affected our options, but didn’t lock us out of too much.

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Just a quick thing, a suggestion. When you want to present a gender as just male or female (born that way) then just say “born and identified as male/female”. Cis is not used commonly enough for people to understand what the definition is. I had to look up the word just to know what the hell it before I could pick female (autocorrect doesn’t even know what it is :confused:

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@HomingPidgeon
Thank you so much for the in depth review!

For the trans man/trans woman character, I’m not currently planning to have much of a fuss being made about them being trans. There may be a few optional conversations about them being trans, but as those aren’t going to be plot-critical, the two gender options could/would have notably different versions of the conversation.

I’ll definitely keep the stats choices thing in mind. I’ll see what I can do to make that more clear. I’ll also see about options to define the MC’s motivations. For familial stuff, I have a few plans in that regard; the next chapter is meant to have more chances to clash. But, I’ll see if I can include more opportunities in the first chapter.

As for the college majors/jobs those are somewhat relevant. I currently have plans for them to come up, but if they become less important than I anticipate them being, I’ll definitely include more options. (Or make the options vaguer such as ‘I’m doing something related to liberal arts,’ ‘I’m doing something related to the sciences,’ etc. )

The skeptical stat is only about magic until the MC learns that magic is in fact real. My plans for the skeptical stat is more of a ‘skeptical MCs will not accept things at face value and are difficult to lie to, but struggle with accepting new ideas and may be too suspicious at times.’

But, again, thank you so much! You’ve given me a lot to think about and I really appreciate the feedback.

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Ah! Thank you for the comment. I’ll include an option to make that more clear.

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So will the MC be able to use magic, or is it a scenario where he/she have to get through against beings with magic without having any his/herself?

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Noticed a couple of typos:

A look at James’ tells you that he’s suspecting it’s the later option.

No apostrophe for James; also, while it’s spelled “latter”, there are three options, so it should actually be “final”.

You find yourself peaking through a number of offices.

Should be “peeking”.

Otherwise, it looks good, and I can’t wait to see where it goes. :smile: Good luck with the game!

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A little bit of both!

You begin the game without being able to use magic. Whether or not that will change is up to which choices you make.

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Thank you so much for catching those!

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Okay, I just finished the demo. I am really intrigued! Thumbs up!

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It’s sounds interesting can’t wait

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Hello! Interesting concept so far, altho the first chapter isnt much to go by heh. Excited to see more!

Picked out some typos, will dm you :slight_smile:

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