[WIP] Weaver: The Turing Test (working title)

Hi, my name is Charlotte and this is my first project. I have been on this forum for some time now, but I am mostly a lurker. In fact, I made my account only a few days ago. Basically this is a story inspired mostly by Neuromancer (and some other sci-fi stories such as The Expanse and Minority Report).

Well, onto the main point, here is the overview:

Summary

You play as one of the unfortunates born on Callisto, one of the most backwater planets in the solar system.

Your life has been simple, because there is only one all-consuming goal: to stay alive.
Everything is fine so far, until you accidentally helped kill a local gang leader. Then everything starts to go downhill from here. With vengeful gang members trailing behind, you run away and somehow get dragged into the bloodiest corporate feud in the century (not that you have seen many feuds, but it is definitely one of the most horrible). In the meantime, the delicate power balance among three sectors in solar system seems to be at the tipping point.

Will you thrive in chaos, or will you go down like the rest?

Potential Companions
  1. Professor Jan Tyrell-Wang
    The professor once taught in the University of Khaville before the place was destroyed by the Raiders (a group of people who are unhappy with the rule of The Alliance). He/She is knowledgeable in weaving – a way for people to manipulate the codes in the Net. The professor seems to know a lot about the Net as well, but he/she is reluctant to talk about more.

  2. Doctor Aidan Braxton
    A doctor who used to work in Dorodze-Kinnear Medical Corporation - the largest medical service provider in the system. He was quit after seeing the hospital blatantly violates the Hippocratic Oath for profit. Now, he lives in Callisto and provides affordable medical help to those in need.

  3. Captain Zane Carthen
    He is not really a captain – after all, what is a captain without a ship? Born in a space habitat, he learnt to pilot one at a very young age. It turns out he is good at it, too. A smuggler group operating there took notice and made him a member. Unfortunately, in one of those smuggling operations for the Raiders, his ship was hit by a photon beam. He managed to escape before the ship crashed and landed on Callisto. He hid there while doing odd jobs, hoping to earn enough money to get himself another ship.

  4. Mu
    They are a representative of CyTech which is a newly emerged technology firm specializing in data services. Their main job is to ensure that their corporate’s investment will not go down the drain. At first glance, they are quiet and unassuming, but soon you know this is all but a guise: they seem to have a solution to every problem you have.

  5. Lady Emilia Kingston
    She is the most powerful person in the entire Solar System, because she owns NeuraNet -an organization that monopolizes majority of the trade. She is also the proud graduate from Khaville university, but other than this, her personal life is little known to the public.

  6. Sam
    Your dearest friend and companion from the beginning - she is kind, energetic and very loyal. Her mother adopted you when your father passed away and your mother went missing.

Errors I am looking for

I am actually not a native English speaker, so I might make some errors. I would appreciate if you can point out any of the following:

  1. Grammer
  2. Expressions/Choice of words
  3. How I word my sentence

And if you spot any other problems, you are welcome to tell me! I also wish to know if there are any suggestions regarding to the plot, the romance, and the stats.

Current progress: Prologue done. (6k)

Update schedule: Uncertain yet, because I am in a university trying to get a degree… Optimally it would be every two weeks, I think.

To play the demo, go here: WIP

65 Likes

Are all the potential companions ROs?

3 Likes

I plan to make them all ROs, but I am not quite sure if the readers will like it. I will definitely implement the romance paths for the professor, the doctor and Sam. As for the rest I am not sure yet, because their paths will be a bit unconventional.

6 Likes

One quick note: if you add *hide_reuse in front of a choice, it will stop it from being chosen again. That would make conversations more fluid. Otherwise, your English is good and the story is compelling so far (very similar to Player One, no?) Great job so far!

1 Like

When selecting the shopkeeper’s gender as male the line that’s selected still indicates that he is female instead of male.

The highlighted line should be either:
“But … I don’t, I didn’t get one!” Or
“But … I don’t! I never got one!”

(I may be wrong, unless someone can assist with gramma.)

The highlighted sentence should be:
“I … touched the console, then I was I a white room.”

The highlighted sentence should be:
“The root node!? But how? You aren’t a weaver, are you?”

(As I stated be for I may be wrong unless someone can assist with gramma.)

Other than that this is all the help I can give. But everything else is good so far.

2 Likes

Wow!!! This is something new from what I have played these many months…
Kudos to you!??

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@Jackpot1776 Thank you! I have implemented that. And yeah, in that sense the settings are pretty similiar :smiley:

@Bulk_Biceps Thank you for your suggestion! I’ve corrected the errors you mentioned.

@Ananthajith_Krishnan Thank you for kudos haha <3

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“I touched the console, then I was in a white room”

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Might i suggest saying “take them out” instead of.

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@Jackpot1776 Right, fixed! Thanks!

@AMER1CANN1NJA09 Thank you :smiley: I’ve changed the wordings.

PS: I added a chapter selection page. This is to help debugging and for those who don’t want to go through the same chapters again. I would probably make a character customisation page too, mainly for those who skip prologue and still want to customise their MC.

Update: ok, quick character customisation is up. It is not detailed though.

2 Likes

Ahhhh crap a typo… This is what you get when you type too quickly. Thanks @Jackpot1776 :+1: .

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Haha the same thing happens to me. Especially if your prime writing time is 1 AM to 4 AM, typos are a way of life. You’re doing great though! Keep going!

3 Likes

Found some more typos.


I think you meant Sam instead of same.


I suggest saying “your fingers intertwine” instead of “you twos”


May I suggest saying “neither did I”


Do you mean “a wanted woman”?

This next one has two typos.


Try “but catch yourself” instead of “but catches yourself”
Then for the next one try “and turn away” instead of “and turns away”

2 Likes

Thank you! They should be fixed now. :smiley:

This seems really interesting! I’m looking forward to where it goes next :slight_smile:

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