To echo what others have said, I think that this premise is one of the very few truly novel ideas I’ve seen in quite some time. However, the optics of having the story discuss grammar so heavily with grammar which is currently quite poor… the optics are less than fantastic.
The second page had me legit laughing out loud, especially the adult category stuff.
No, but these are some of the most compelling features i’ve seen in a while lol Great work author! The demo is hilarious and have a very unique concept
Thanks a bunch for pointing out these errors (and the others). The funny thing is that I was quite proud of myself after I fixed all the issues that Grammarly pointed out. Alas, I should put less faith in machines and more in humans next time!
I’ve certainly seen these types of comments on steam before, but they are not word for word.
I disagree, I don’t think this is truly a novel… it’s more of a game… Badum ts*.
I 100% agree about the grammar comment, I should have been more careful before posting this. The core focus will not be poking fun at less than stellar grammar in the full game, but it was needed for opening the MCs character arc and setting up a few scenes in the future where minor typos have disastrous consequences in the game world.
It’s this one. You’ll need to be in the adult group tho.
I forgot to add this in the first post, but the MC will have the possibility of remaining a brick or evolving through the story.
It’s a decision I’ll have to live with, the story does not work with an MC that does not start out like this. As the player progresses through the story, they will have the possibility to shape the MC, but the starting point needs to be as it is.
I think I’ve been careful with this so far. I haven’t singled out a specific user and the MC is so over-the-top doofus that I don’t think anyone unironically identifies with them. That’s one of the reasons I made him a native English speaker. Making fun o a non-native with poor grammar felt kind of cheap.
I appreciate all of the feedback that I’ve received so far, I didn’t expect this to get the attention that it did. I might even consider swapping this to my main WIP. I’ve also updated the demo with the fixed grammar errors.
Well if nothing else, the MC is talented for shoehorning Greek myth into a game about getting a harem of snails.
I thought the ROB being Zeus at the end was because I chose the medieval superhero game and that different choices would generate a different ROB.
Like say with fallout with vampires I was expecting Not Dracula from Castlevania or Not Kain.
This is hilarious.
If you can manage to keep this delightful level of absurdity while weaving a coherent plot at the same time, then this game will be an absolute gem
As for myself, I’m pretty sure I’m already blessed with the gift of Opposite Stupidity. And I’m dang proud of the fact!
”Mental abuse, mental abuse, trauma, trauma, furry porn, trauma, alternative furry porn.”
I like this game. It’s my favorite kind of humor
… I feel like you’re a few paragraphs away from adding cameos to this. That’d be hilarious. Lol
I’m also shocked no one has thought/tried this premise before. It’s brilliant.
Great premise! Why is this so relatable! MC seems like a fun protag and I will definitely tag along for the ride.
And this Zeus, man. . . .
Wrong indentation, expect 12, found 11 just had me cackling. Funny and painful at the same time, and I’m excited to see what other monstrous bugs will literal pop up.
If there’s the classic Pronoun error, are we gonna see people shifting genders while we talk to them? If that is a possible bug, that would be so hella cool! Branch skipping sounds like another massive bug, I can’t wait to see what pops up.
Is the MC the only one who got sucked into their creation? Or will people on the forum. . . also be at risk of getting whisked in?
(Im not in danger of being swallowed by a WIP anytime soon, right?)
I fully expect to find a “Xad” somewhere in that cursed broken-WIP universe sooner rather than later. lol
I wouldn’t be super surprised if MC’s real life friend somehow found themselves in here — and be like:
“This is that interactive fiction thing you told us about right? So how do we. . . Get out of here?”
“Simple. You just win.”
“Okay, how do we do that?”
“If I know, I probably won’t be here.”
“You don’t got a WALKTHROUGH for your game? Not even a TUTORIAL?”
“Nope, but on the bright side — We only need to live out 10,000 words!”
I like what you have so far. I really like the non curse, over very interesting story so far. Liked the concept very much.
This story has gotten a lot more traction than I expected, and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside that so many people took the time to express their opinions about my WIP. Thank you, everyone!
I’m going to put my other game on pause and focus all of my creative energy on finishing this one.
As @Anathema pointed out, I will eventually have to create a plot for the game. Throughout my life, I’ve written short stories that I’ve shared with my friends. Some were regarded as hilarious, and some fell completely flat. Over time, I’ve learned how to better gauge what’s funny and what isn’t, but it’s still mostly a gamble and a guessing game. So, before I commit to going in a certain direction and becoming emotionally attached to an idea, I’m going to present it here and see what the vibe is. If it’s meh, I’ll throw it away, no hard feelings. And if it’s well received, I’ll stick to it. Without further ado, here is the first candidate for the plot:
The rise and fall of an egalitarian medieval empire
When the MC wrote their story, they were fed up with all of the medieval fantasy games where misogyny is justified for the sake of realism. The problem is that MC has a very surface-level understanding of gender issues, so the best they could do to solve this issue was to allow women to go to war and have the men wear scantly clad armor, like women in most popular MMORPG’s have. The main opposing faction of the protagonist’s Empire is a sex-positive, progressive horde of barbarians who pillage and rampage with a strict code of etiquette. They don’t commit sex crimes, and everyone is tortured and maimed equally, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or social class. The barbarians even take the time to assign work appropriate to the disabilities of the slaves they take.
Independent of MC’s writing, three fairly fleshed-out female characters emerge in the story, who will help shape the fate of the Empire. Each of them will have a different political opinion on how to best turn the Empire around and avoid collapse.
Woman A - will have a more modern social-democratic approach to the situation. She will want policies that address women’s problems at the time. For example, a thing she may propose is to have the royal hemomancers assist women at childbirth so they don’t bleed to death or having a parental leave program so the mother can take care of the child in the first two years while the father is away at war, and after that the father takes care of the child so the mother can go to war.
Woman B - will have a more libertarian, laissez-faire approach to the world and will want policies that merely assure that women have the same rights as men, without any other social programs.
Woman C - will have a more conservative approach to gender roles. Her policies will revolve around a “traditional” family where the woman takes care of the household and children while the men go to war.
These three women, along with the MC and their waifu/husbando will be immortal in the game world so you will oversee a feminist Roman Empire from Antiquity to its fall. All policy choices will have interesting consequences, and I won’t railroad the player into creating a communist utopia. Depending on how many policies the player chooses from each faction, the empire will fall for different reasons. For example, picking mostly libertarian policies will create a wedge between the rich and the poor, and riots will erupt in the empire while progressive barbarians are knocking at the gates. Or, choosing mostly progressive policies will plunge the Empire into a “paralysis by analysis" scenario, where no decisions are being made, and fringe factions bicker while barbarians are knocking at the gates.
Ultimately, the fall of the empire will serve as a character-building device for the MC (and the player), because now they have to decide whether to let the world go on its natural path or to intervene and save it.
What do you think? Yay or nay? Any thoughts are appreciated.
So does choice we make about what kind of story it is have an impact?
Yes, it will add a sidequest with the option you choose. I will update the story to reflect that the MC changes their mind at the last second and shoe horns the player’s choice into the story somewhere.
Interesting story you have here keep it up buddy.
Your insanity is a thing of beauty. Never stop.
You are a genius! I’m excited to read more of this!