This is my first project of the sort and am hoping to improve in due time. Let me know any mistakes and choices you would like to see!
Blurb
Destined to a world of darkness, you will stop at nothing to free yourself from the past.
You have learned life wasn’t kind at a young age. Bitten by your cursed father in a fit of rage, you have spent the year running from the past. Never one to sit idle, you have dedicated your life to learning all there is to know about the occult and scientific medicine that could cure yourself.
It is a dangerous game, for powerful forces continue stalking you. Time is no longer your ally. You must use your wits and newfound skills if there is any hope of staving off the curse slowly growing within and the creatures chasing you.
that was a nice very nice read. there were times were the pov changed into third person when referring to your character. also, i think this is just for me honestly but the choices where you deny the turning is kinda confusing so i ended up having to restart when i realized it but honestly probably just a me problem. the whole dad biting my neck threw me off lmao. first time im actively trying to not to embrace the turning of a cursed blood just to spit my dad lmao
Personally, I like having a list of names to choose from, and not just the option to input one’s own. I know many people play self inserts, but my usual modus operandi is making up a character as I go along, adapting them to a setting, and a list of names at the beginning that would fit up in the setting can prevent, say, naming the MC Guinevere only to find out that her brother’s name is Jayden and her parents are Sarah and Brad.
Some of the rules MC lives by seemed kind of clumsily worded to me, here are my slight edits to do with as you please:
Number One: Never get separated from others around evening time except for when you’re inside your own home with bolted windows and doors.
Number Three: Don’t stay out late, particularly with a date. (Cool rhyme though! I like how it pairs with the relative silliness of eating garlic, even if the purpose stays the same).
Also, Number Six: always keep your phone on you, fully charged.
“Is that an appropriate way for a child to address its father?” sounds kind of dehumanising, so unless that was your aim, I’d change it to “for a child to address their father”, or “for a daughter/son to address her/his father”, since this is after the gender selection.
Other than that, it was a fun game, if somewhat confusing in its terminology - there’s so much vampire-related fiction with vastly oscillating lore that its hard to keep track at times. I’ll be looking forward to any updates!
Judging by the frequent descriptions of hunger pangs the MC is going through, I’m fairly certain there isn’t a choice in whether they would have to consume blood–it may well be unavoidable. I’d certainly snap back about the allium being the only reason why MC has yet to take a bite out of anyone.
Sunlight
Not entirely sure why the MC’s acquaintances are so bothered by them wanting to face the sun; on one hand, I do get being pro-life where possible, and according to the plot there’s going to be lots of chances to do good by others when they need help. On the other hand, if the MC gets dusted then that’s one less ravenous monster those acquaintances will have to keep on a leash.
It’s true enough that my MC is having quite the self-pity party, but he’s entitled to a lot of unhappiness for literal years of precaution, and effort being completely wasted by tripping right there at the finish line.
