This is a character-locked story about Helen of Troy. You can play as other people at a couple of points, but there is barely any of that so far.
I’ve given including romance in a game my best shot. More because it’s important to a story about Helen of Troy than anything else.
There isn’t much yet (about 45,000 words, and I write these things wide, not long), and I’ll do more if people like this. Otherwise I’ll find something less romancy to write.
(I worked out how to use the demo site this time!)
I broke the no-AI box, so I’ll simply write that I didn’t use any. Which I didn’t.
Please bear in mind that I am drawing from the Greek myths here. I will try to handle all of the topics that brings up respectfully, but you should expect it to get dark.
I just like the classics, honestly. I started it before I heard about Nolan doing a version of the Odyssey, but maybe I was reading something mythological at the time.
Is this a hobby work or something you would actually like to develop into a full on story for Cog or Hosted?
Also was there any other IF you wanted to work on before this IF or was this the IF you wanted to work on?
Omg, a Helen of Troy story?? Yesss! I love to see the myths made into IF’s and already we’re seeing the real trouble unfold. I really enjoyed playing what you have so far and went with the Warrior King route (unless that’s the only one? I’m not sure) because I do love a stoic character with a soft side for their loved ones, and I found the moments he softened with Helen as very sweet.
However, I did notice that everything moved almost detrimentally quickly right from the beginning between the couple so there was no real buildup between them or any passion. It left me confused as to why she would want to take up the agreement with O to help her marry for love (as was my characters choice) since the King felt like a stranger. The whole time I was sitting there watching their romance and wondering: What made the most beautiful woman in the world love this man over the others in a few days? Why did she pick him? What moments did they share together? Did he ever go out of his way to woo her as a suitor? If not, how did he even gain her attention and how did he keep it? What makes him want her? Why did he fall in love? How did he show that love beyond a few soft looks? And most importantly: Where did it all fall apart?
These are all questions that went unanswered, and because of that it never felt like the romance held a hint of believable emotion for Helen to be devastated to lose over the years, and by the time she was kidnapped, I didn’t even believe he would care enough to go looking for her—hell, I’d be surprised if he even knew her middle name!
Maybe if we have the chance to see Helen interact more with him and expand on their time together during the choosing and their marriage with a few key scenes to show the highs before the lows, it would make a massive difference in showing their complex dynamic and make their crumbling marriage and the upcoming war all the more devastating.
Sorry if this comes across as super critical, I really do like this story! But I also think that it could be even better if we can truly connect with the people you’ve brought to life within it. And I’m really looking forward to seeing how it unfolds from that cliffhanger!
Not too critical at all! I am new to writing romance, so this sort of thing is very helpful. I can also probably sort it out with a flashback.
And yes, there are multiple routes, including within each of the ROs’ paths. For instance, it sounds like you got a pretty negative one with Diomedes. Both choices in the moment and your character’s personality can affect it.
Thank you for taking the time to comment, especially in detail.
With the idea that it might have been a low relationship that made me see their relationship in that light I went back and chose carefully, and while he was a lot less cold towards Helen they still had a lot of distance between them and I still can’t see how they fall in love. No matter though, maybe I’ll see it in the next update, and until then I want to try a route where she falls for the other Ro’s!
Lmao intentional or not, anything that reminds me of the Emperor’s New Groove gets an automatic two thumbs up from me. Deadass tho I’m laughing my ass off at this choice
Hey. Would you do me a favour and replay the bits you read? I am trying to work out this writing romance thing, and I’ve made a few changes, but I still feel like something is missing. I’d welcome your perspective.
Of course! I gave it a play through on the warrior kings route, and it was nice to see his time with Helen expanded on during the first meeting and watching him allow her to get the chance to move closer to him where others can’t. I think if you keep up little moments like that through all the routes to show the tenderness between the characters, it’ll bring a lot more life to their interactions and makes the rage towards the kidnapping very believable.
Reading the Iliad rn (or attempting to) so I can have a canon compliant run. Looking forward to Clytemnestra’s later crash out, and how a married Diomedes diverges as well!
Helen: loading metaphorical shotgun Oh Aphrodite and Paris, you both are going to get it today.
I can not wait for Paris to be traumatized by the fury of a Spartan woman (who may or may not be a mother). Busters gonna wish he didn’t crown Aphrodite
