[WIP] Invaders [Updated 09/17]

Julian.Hansen 2017-09-10 17:17:49 UTC #1

Hi everyone,

I’ve been a lurker in this forum for about 2 years now and I’ve finally decided to take a shot at writing a story of my own, so I’ve been working on this project for the last couple of days.

Since it’s the first time I do anything like this, I’m sure there could be some issues; if you happen to find any error - be it gramatical or coding - please let me know so I can fix it.

Invaders

Summary:
Aliens are real and they have not come in peace.
The Invaders, as we call them, first showed themselves on our planet two years ago, in 2023. Their arrival was marked by the complete destruction of every form of government and organized armed force.
For the first time in recent history, mankind isn’t fighting for glory or money, but instead, for the survival of our race.

You play as a member of the WRO, an organization that came together after the alien’s attack; outnumbered and outgunned, you’ll have to use everything at your disposal to stay alive.

Don’t expect this to be an easy feat: the Invaders are much more advanced than us. Our guns don’t come close to even scratching their armor. They are stronger, faster and better equipped than us. Can you survive? Will you face the alien mastermind behind the invasion? Or you will you perish along the way?

NEW LINK :https://dashingdon.com/play/julian-hansen/invaders/mygame/index.php?cb=17266

Prologue: Done
1st chapter: 60% done

Again, any feedback will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!

UPDATE 09/17

Stats Screen: Mostly done, I still have to add all of the possible relationships;
Prologue: Done
Chapter 1: Done

Minor grammar corrections in chapter 1

Alexandra 2017-09-10 18:26:11 UTC #2

Nice start! – and a good balance so far between narrative and choices, imo. The cliffhanger flashback is well done, and I like the variety between the four different backgrounds (and the opportunity to read the descriptions before I made a final choice).

A couple notes:

‘beenfriends’ is all one word (right after you select a male or female best friend)
Semicolons on the end of options isn’t standard from what I’ve seen (punctuating each choice as if the others don’t exist seems to be the norm), but personally I don’t mind
I generally prefer to choose one of the author’s suggested names over typing my own (especially on mobile, where typing can be tedious)

I’ll be watching for more updates

DUNGEON_MASTER 2017-09-10 19:04:23 UTC #3

Modern history I think as mankind has fought for its survival when we were early men. And haven’t we fought for our survival against Spanish flu, malaria, cancer and so on. Don’t we all fight for our survival everyday but that would be individual survival and not applicable here but thought It’s worth mentioning.

Natman1025 2017-09-10 19:09:51 UTC #4

First time historically documented, unless you count cave paintings. And there was all ways someone who was gonna survive those diseases and the rest killed too quickly and spread too slowley example being the beubonoc plague

DUNGEON_MASTER 2017-09-10 19:13:49 UTC #5

Why yes I do. on the serious note many people do consider the early men’s struggle as survival of race so it’s safe to go with modern history or any other term or even " since the early men’s era "

lokidemon007 2017-09-10 19:36:34 UTC #6

Has some potential. Will be watching!

IronRaptor 2017-09-10 19:44:18 UTC #7

I salute a fellow sci fi writer. Please, proceed with your tale.

N1GHTMAR3 2017-09-10 19:56:21 UTC #8

Not truly interested in sci-fi but this WiP seems nice. Most of the stuff I appreciate in games is the lore. This certainly has a good one. It reminds me of XCOM, though that just might be me. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Best of luck!

Poetica 2017-09-11 03:25:25 UTC #9

Loads of potential, will be keeping an eye on it.
I hope to have useful feedback soon!

Sabrinadiza_Balya 2017-09-11 05:52:24 UTC #10

@Julian.Hansen

what I found

the duo was able to refit an energy rifle. These two engineering feats have greatky improved the Agents’ rate of survival.

greatly

the Rule of Squad: "Each squad is to be composed of 2 to five 5.

I don’t think five is necessary considering there already 5

I like this so far, my question is are mc best friend also in WRO? or at least survive?

Julian.Hansen 2017-09-13 00:03:58 UTC #11

Hello again everyone.

Sory it took me this long to post anything, I didn’t want to bump this thread without having any new updates.

First of all, let me thank all of you who have shown me your support and your feedback!
I’ve tried to correct everything that was listed in here, plus whatever I found on my own, but I’m bound to let stuff slip past me every now and then, so I apologize in advance for any errors/mistakes.

So, here’s where we stand right now:

Stats Screen: 90% done. I still have to add some minor info, byt the background story is all there now.
Prologue: 100% done
Chapter 1 85% done.

I don’t know if the word count should include the coding, but so far I have just above 11.5k written down.

One thing that I’ve noticed is that whenever I upload the game to DashingDon, the statscreen gets all messed up, I’ll have to look into it later.

@Alexandra
Thanks! I’m trying to make your choices as relevant as possible, so whenever I can I sneak something that is unique to your job, etc.
I’ve fixed the things you wrote about!

@Sabrinadiza_Balya
Answering your question, it all depends on you. There will be a scene where your best friend is going to die, but you can save him. If he stays alive he will be part of your Squad. Thanks for feedback, btw! =D

And last but not least, thanks a bunch @DUNGEON_MASTER for helping me out with the Stats Screen and in general! You’ve been a great help!

I guess that’s all for now.
Hopefully I’ll be able to start Chapter 2 by the time the next update rolls in.

Alexandra 2017-09-13 00:22:30 UTC #12

Found a bug, and with a quick look at your code, found the source! (I actually made the exact same mistake in my game, so it was an easy guess).
“female” can’t be capitalized here (you set it lowercase earlier), otherwise the code skips the name option for female characters, and your friend just calls “UNKNOWN!”

*if(gender="Female")
  *choice
    #Triss.
      *set given_name "Triss"
      *goto naming_done
    #Sophia.
      *set given_name "Sophia"
      *goto naming_done
    #Liza.
      *set given_name "Liza"
      *goto naming_done
    #Carol.
      *set given_name "Carol"
      *goto naming_done
    #I want to write my own name.
      *label setting_name
      And what is your name?
      *input_text given_name
      So, your name is $!{given_name}, right?
      *choice
        #Yes, that's my name.
          *set given_name "$!{given_name}"
          *goto naming_done
        #No, that's not my name.
          *goto setting_name

VioletHikari 2017-09-13 00:28:03 UTC #13

This is pretty good so far, but there were a couple of things that I noticed that might need to be fixed;

Screenshot_2017-09-12-20-14-01-1

This is the first one I noticed. As you can see, it looks like the sentence is cut off a bit.

Julian.Hansen 2017-09-13 10:35:32 UTC #14

Alright, just letting you guys know that thanks to @DUNGEON_MASTER (seriously, they have been a huge help ever since I began this project) I was able to fix the Stat Screen problem and, since I was already working on it, I’ve fixed the issues @VioletHikari and @Alexandra have pointed out.

The new link is in the first post.
Thanks a lot everyone!

VioletHikari 2017-09-13 12:19:50 UTC #15

This just popped up

Martin_Brody 2017-09-13 12:31:28 UTC #16

Now there’s a debilitating bug at the end of the prologue that won’t let you play at all. “Increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 2.”

Julian.Hansen 2017-09-13 22:16:41 UTC #17

Ok, I feel like I owe you all an apology

I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow my entire file got an increase in indentation.
I’m sorry it took me this long to fix it, but with work and everything, my free time is not that plentiful.

Anyway, it should be working fine now.
Thanks!

cottoncandy 2017-09-15 02:03:14 UTC #18

Looks promising! I like all the information in the stats, it helps build backstory and it’s interesting. Especially the types of aliens!

AnthonyGiovannini 2017-09-15 04:08:06 UTC #19

Extremely excited to see where this goes. Your writing style is drawing a pretty nice picture. Keep up the good work!

Julian.Hansen 2017-09-17 01:29:15 UTC #20

Hi everyone!

I’ve got a major update for you today. I’ve finally finished the second chapter!
Now, there are some things I’d like to clear up:

It is possible for you to die. I like to think I’ve made the death situations pretty self-explanatory, so you’d understand why you ended up dead.

And second, it is possible either to save your bf or to let them die. This is the first major choice you make in the game, and it will end up affecting the whole story later on, together with other choices.

So, I guess that’s that for now. Any thoughts, impressions, suggestions? I’d greatly appreciate any and every kind of feedback you might offer.

@cottoncandy Thanks! I really wanted the reader to understand exactly what is going on in the story!

@AnthonyGiovannini Thanks, really! I often wonder if my writing style is good enough, since this is the first real story I write, so it’s a relief to hear that.

Thanks everyone!