To keep Mendez alive you must have a rifle or a grenade if I’m not mistaken, I had a rifle and I shot to kill.
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This update was full of symbolisms. Executed with impunity…even the achievements.
The fast pace of the new events was fine when we had to go through the slow grind to find Shōnin. The altered pace did not prove to be immersion breaking.
The hotel room scene was…adequate. perhaps it lacked a bit of more gusto in the fight scene bit thats a very miscellaneous nitpick.
As for the rest, it was perfect.
And the anomaly scene, it could use some more primal “fear of the unknown” that the anomaly is supposed to be potraying, that eerie feeling when the readers see it’s perspective. For now, it seemed to come off as more of a lapdog obeying it’s master’s will pov. Something that would fit a loyal Uranov goon. I understand it’s doing it to have Uranov grant it it’s wishes, but still.
Finally, U was winning. But filthy handholding with Castle in the ambulance ? Damn ye, gunvor. It’s going to be a tough fight between the two.
Tucked it into
Keep up the good work🍻
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Hello again, after… half a year I think. Life’s been busy, I FINNALY HAD TIME TO READ THIS AND I’M… DAZED.
First I’d like to say that this reminds me of ITFO, not just because it’s yours but this story too is about traumas and - hell - traumas are my weak spots. I don’t think I should say it’s entertaining to read, but it is. Driver, Castle, Ulysses, and all the side characters are interesting to live with, and their POVs - although a bit strange to read first - are amazing, make the world feels more real and more chaotic.
Oh yeah, speaking about CHAOTIC.
Can I use this word to define the WIP? Hell yeah. Everything happens faster than my poor gray-mass called brain can keep track of. You are on the police precint, than in Castle’s appartment, then you’re smacking a laptop on someone’s head, and meeting a business man who loves history and calls you Hadrian, the builder, and gifting you an ancient weapon - we know, Bacon, Shonin did this on purpose, didn’t he? You’re onto something here, Bacon. Some strange, very interesting plotline I would die to know all about.
Driver is so sweet and - sort of - smooth, and the group interactions always makes me smile, even when Castle is drugged as hell and Driver’s been cut to shit. Aaaaaand now that Mendes is with us I know I’ll laugh even more - she shouldn’t have tried to slap my second MC, he’s a bit hatefull. I didn’t try to flirt with Castle yet, but as a “colleague” she seems good and professional.
And Ulysses? That’s another character I love. I know he’s fucked in the head (thanks Darin), BUUUUT! Ulysses is our past love after all. He craves the MC and of couse - as any of us who are here for the drama - my MC will crave him too. I want to do a run where MC hates Ulysses, but it’s not as satifying for me, so I’ll do it after exploring all the other options first.
Sorry for the big chunck of text, but, shit, I’ve just finished reading and I am in love - just like happened with ITFO. There’s so much I’m sure I forgot to mention, but as I said, my brain is still processing the plot and all the anomaly and Uvarov thing, and the full Pholyphemus Arc-ship probably being destroyed to bring THOUSANDS of things.
Question: does the “ritual” to bring anomalies to this world requires life sacrifice and explosion? Or was Ekker trying to eliminate It, and killed himself because Uvarov would chase and kill him if he run away?
I’m overreacting. Shit.
Damn fine work, soldier. Keep it up please or I’ll die of starvation.
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Good to hear! I was pretty excited about that scene myself.
He just wanted to get his job done, not get trapped in a gunfight.
Either use the grenade, or shoot to kill with a rifle. If you have no rifle and no grenade, you’re SOL.
I’d rather not say
I wanted to get back on track fast after the slow burn of the previous part.
Interestingly enough, I had an IRL tester tell me it was one of his favorites. Different tastes, I suppose. I feel as if the highlight of the chapter is the ambulance chase, regardless.
I think I might alter it to make it seem as if the anomaly might be the one using Uvarov, rather than the other way around. I’ve got its motivation pretty solidly planned, but I think I didn’t communicate it properly in those earlier chapters.
I hope not literally, of course.
I’ll certainly take that lol
I swear, every story idea I come up with starts with “a scarred war veteran does XYZ” or “someone chased by the ghosts of their past”. I can’t help it.
Who knows…
I think Uly is a reasonable amount of fucked in the head. I’ve tried to strike a balance with that character.
Closer to the latter, but not exactly.
That’s the plan.
31 Likes
Having a blast with this WIP. I actually prefer my protagonists predefined and Whiskey is a likable one. I really like that he already has decades of experience under his belt, has seen enough shit that much of this is routine by now, and he has the scars to prove it. Always nice to play a hardened veteran instead of a fish out of water.
The laptop scene was definitely the standout, one of the best mood whiplashes I’ve ever encountered in these games. The cognitohazard is a brilliant concept, I absolutely love it. But I have to agree with others that after its introduction its own POV scenes hadn’t been very overwhelming or otherworldly, I’m not sure the cosmic horror really comes across.
Timeskip incoming?
Have to agree with your tester, it was also one of my favorite action scenes so far. Imho up there with the hotel room ambush. I enjoy a good chase as much as anyone, but this was a pure Deus Ex moment at its finest. Plan, execute, loot, chill, scram. The perfect loop.
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I noticed a minor inconsistency where the assistant’s hair color changes from brown (in the security cam footage you recovered) to black (in Castle’s screenshots she shows you after you meet up with Driver and receive submachineguns)
Nitpicky, but I needed to point it out after noticing it
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Is it just me or are U like Jun in the Samurai of Hyuga series? hmmmm
Theory Theory
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Oh man I hope not, otherwise I’ll have to have my Whiskey fight them for trying to murder Castle.
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As is tradition with my work, I guess.
I’ll have to revisit those scenes, but I’m struggling to think of a way I can maintain the whole “fear of the unknown” vibe while also giving the reader enough info to understand the plot. I think I’d rather have narratively important scenes than just scary scenes. I’ll have to strike a balance.
You’ll see.
Good catch. I definitely wouldn’t have caught it.
There are some definitely similarities. Both are an old ex, both were relationships from childhood. But I’m trying to making Uly less… possessive and more generally angry. I think I said it earlier, but I have no intention to write a full on anime “yandere”, as I don’t think it’d fit tonally with the rest of this story.
Any and all murder attempts from Uly are based on principal and desperation, rather than jealousy.
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I already tried, I shot her the first time we saw them again, or shot them again technically.
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I love this WIP! To me, it feels like a bit of 40k ( hive city like setting, authoritarian government, cosmic dangers lurking behind the corner) and john wick. I love how the characters are fleshed out and have agency beyond being merely ROs.
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AHHH I LOVE THE NEW UPDATE SO MUCH- I’m torn between replaying to keep the shotgun so I can save Nora without having to use my grenade (which I assume will require a more physically togh character; currently I’m with the mid-point option) and replaying to make my MC more physically agile because Shonin is the only fling (Other than Uly, but that’s because their previous connection makes it a lot more interesting; Shonin interests me the most in terms of pure character, sdhfneirujnfds. I’d like to get to know more about him) that i’ve been genuinely relatively interested in. Getting with. (Driver and Castle are nicer platonically for my MC right now sjdfnherfds). ALSO MENDEZ DIES??? IM SO SAD RIGHT NOW WHAT. I REALLY LIKED HER… 
aughf. ANYWAYS UH GREAT UPDATE
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Although ITFO was a good piece, I feel that the author has outdone himself in narrative matters in what Whiskey Four refers to.
Not only is the atmosphere not as stuffy, but both the character interactions and the flow of the plot don’t become tiresome, and are interesting and engaging.
The characters are 3D and are quite attention-grabbing, adapting very well to the setting of the story.
Overall I think it’s a story with great potential, and that I’m definitely going to buy it when it comes out.
I am head over heels in love with Ulysses. If he’s not an RO or something happens to him, I’m going to cook Bacon strips.
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What a threat 
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I’m a desesperate woman xD
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Between this and ITFO I’m not certain Bacon’s home isn’t just an elaborate series of traps and weaponry to fight off everything from a horde of rebellious peasants to off the book corp sec kill teams.
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Again, I’m sure they appreciated it.
Two of my biggest inspirations for this story were John Wick and Die Hard. I definitely see the parallels with 40k, too.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Potentially.
Good to hear! Always want to be improving rather than getting worse lol.
Take that back…
For reasons related to boring things such as “the law” and “human decency”, I have been advised to not respond to this comment.
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Potentially.
Oh that’s mean I can save her, time to replay the game
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Damnit shonin is so attractive and he’s a Dilf. Dilf. Dilf. Dilf. Dilf. Dilf. Dilf. Avert your eyes Ulysses.
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I shall not, Vile fiend!
I will let you know we have the bacon community held hostage!
And we are preparing our frying pans and the butter!
THERE WILL BE NO MERCY IF OUR DEMMANDS ARE NOT MET!!!
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