That was such a fun read. I really enjoyed every path, and you can really tell the difference with each of them. I wonder if we can have our own spirit as well
2 Likes
Thank you so much, Iâm glad you liked it 
I was wondering about the priest having a spirit guardian in the beginning, but then I discarded the idea. So, sadly, no spirit bodyguard, sorry 
But Zaia will be there in the story of course, and Narmer also has a permanent spirit guardian called Ebo. Heâll be there more in the game too.
3 Likes
NEW UPDATE
CHAPTER 1 IS OFFICIALLY FINISHED!
Whoooo! I canât believe I can finally say this 
Damn, this was a big job. Of course, it will probably have a ton of bugs and errors, and this is only a first draft, so scenes are always up to change later.
Whatâs new:
- Around 11k words added to the demo and the whole first chapter is finished.
- The files have been merged into one, so I can finally give you a word count without code as well. The new word count with code is 216 000. Without code, itâs 198 000 words.
- THE LINK HAS CHANGED! Dashingdon couldnât handle the new chapter 1 file, so I had to move the whole game to a new hosting site. The old dashingdon link is not going to get updated in the future! PLEASE ALWAYS USE THE MOST CURRENT LINK!
There will probably be a ton of errors in the text because of the file merge. So if you see anything out of context, or suddenly the text doesnât make sense, please tell me. That needs to be fixed.
23 Likes
Pihu pls⌠youâve taken everything I had to live for⌠my day off, my apples, and now my job. I feel like I somehow managed to maximize the number of times I had to run an hour across town. Poor captain was definitely channeling this meme lol.
Very amused that Zaia liked when I ignored her and slammed my head on the table lol.
Wait, is this part a pyramid scheme joke? 'Cause if itâs not it definitely should be!
Quote
âIs this one of those things where I sign off my soul, and then go to hustle on a pyramid construction for the rest of my life in exchange for the honor of having my name included on the list of workers?â
Zaia bursts out laughing. She actually laughs, like a normal person, and not the creepy little shit that she is.
You donât think youâve ever made a spirit laugh before. Not that it was your intention or anything. You were completely serious.
âI have to tell Qenna to pull that crap on someone next time,â she cackles.
âSo itâs not a pyramid construction?â you narrow your eyes at her.
Congrats on finishing chapter 1!
Typos/Feedback
âIt was the strangest experiences ever.â
experience
#Well, you generally find most women pleasant to look at but this one you wouldnât even touch with a ten feet pole. [you are attracted to women]
#Well, you generally find most people pleasant to look at but this one you wouldnât even touch with a ten feet pole. [you are attracted to all genders]
ten-foot pole
âIf either of that happens, even if just for a few months, youâll have to sell the house.â
any (since you listed 3 possibilities)
"Maybe you are. On a not-physical level. Maybe you just like to sleep around. There is nothing wrong with that, you are a grown adult, doing adult things with other adults.
Obviously, you arenât gonna marry either of them. Most of the time, you can barely work up enough curiosity to learn their names. You are a bit doubtful that anyone will catch your interest more than that, but itâs not impossible."
Iâm not sure who this is referring to? Just our flings in general? Should be âany of themâ in that case.
âYouâve always taken good care of your short, silver hair. Your Auntie always told you that it reminded her of starlight, which always makes you feel gorgeous, even though you sometimes feel too old, looking into the mirror. You arenât old enough to have a full-white head yet, are you? Or maybe you are. Or maybe youâre just an early-grayer.â
I wasnât imagining my captain as the kind of man to describe himself as gorgeous. Maybe âdistinguishedâ or âstrikingâ as more gender-neutral descriptors?
âOr maybe he does, he just doesnât remember your face from that faithful day.â
fateful
âAh, heâs here in incognito?â
just incognito
The sequence after Qenna asks what I did with the necklace was confusing considering I retrieved it from the thief and gave it to Zaia to return to evidence (I know, I know Iâm historyâs greatest monster).
ââWhat Iâm about to disclose is highly sensitive, and a matter of utmost importance,â Narmer says on such a serious tone that you automatically straighten in your seat, as if standing on ceremony.â
in
"They donât confirm your point but their face is telling enough. "
faces are
ââWell, ya see, Narmer is here in incognito, yeah?â he shakes his head, as if this was obvious, then he vaguely waves at you.â
incognito
3 Likes
IT IS! haha Iâm so glad someone noticed it
Thanks for the feedback, Iâm working on the typos 
3 Likes
NEW UPDATE
For now, those who play without romance will have to skip the last scene because I havenât had time to add in the friends-only options. For those who are saving their mc for Ahmose, just choose someone at the end of the training and ignore the flirty banter or quit the game before you have to choose who comes to your heroic rescue. Friendly options will be added later.
Whatâs new:
- 20k words added to Chapter 2.
- The training scenes are here, along with a sweet RO moment at the end of it. And some bad injuries for your mc! Yay!
- I fixed lots of typo/grammar mistakes in the captain route, but there might be more.
- A few choices are still greyed out or completely missing in the new scenes. Please excuse those for now.
There are tons of variations in these new scenes and lots of paths have merged at this point. I probably didnât count for everything. So if you feel like a sentence/scene/choice is out of character for the mc you are playing, please tell me! Same goes for weird context changes, broken scenes, broken sentences or just stuff that doesnât make sense in the text.
29 Likes
Loved the update! This story is so much fun, I am looking forward to more!
1 Like
Wow there is so much to check here until converging point since we have so many background.
I guess this going to be the theme going forward?
Edit:
I found a typo when choosing " Lovely pet, yours? "
âYes, itâs my guardian. Terribly useful beasts, these spirits are. They practically de everything you tell them.â
2 Likes
Donât mind me. Just trying to keep my little thief from burying himself alive after being carried by Narmer like a bride. 
Loving the update. Iâve done noble(archer)/Qenna, thief(daggers)/Narmer so far and itâs all so cute. Now to enjoy some guard/Zaia.
5 Likes
I think Noble can go stealth as secondary pick considering Noble MC often sneak out of the Palace, although this will put MC like Qenna I think itâs good fit.
Thief can go combat since obviously Thief MC need to be able to defend themselves in open confrontation.
Priest MC can go Archer as secondary pick, Priest tend to be observant and being proficient in magic probably already comfortable enough as ranged combatant.
About the guard itâs magic pick as secondary, useful and some knowledge about it probably good as front line combatant, know how to counter magic seem useful.
2 Likes
If you mean me being overwhelmed and freak out by the amount of variations I put in the game and all of you having to spot when I missed something, then yes. Thatâs the plan
Thanks for the typo!
Oh, you play a tiny guy! Narmer only carries a male mc bride-style if they are short
My advice would be in general to not spread your skills all over the place. Choose one and stick with it, thatâs how youâll get the best results.
10 Likes
My noble was feeling quite the same way when Narmer carried her.
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At least your noble is still nobility. My thief is certain the gods shall strike him down just for thinking attracted thoughts for Narmer. Lol 
Yep. My thief is stunted. Malnutrition growing up helped with that. But it serves him well as a thief. I usually like a small height difference, so my Seneb is a bit out of my usual comfort zone being so much shorter then Narmer. But I actually like it for this pair. (Heâs not tiny, but heâs short.)
Actual scene of Narmer training my thiefâŚ
Summary
On another note, love that the guard is treated properly as having experience with combat (specially a war vet).
As for skills, each MC is sticking to their specialty for me.
10 Likes
Omg, I love that customization can impact the story like that 
. Thank you!
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Oh man my royal girl is so sheltered and instantly attracted to Qenna cause he was nice to her and cared. He seemed uncomfortable with my MC flirting with him though. Maybe he doesnt like me? 
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How old is your MC?
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It wasnât because of the age just yet, but @Ashantiberry1 is right that Qenna will lock you out of the romance later if your mc is younger than 20.
But even if your mc is older than 20, Qenna will be a bit cagey with romantic gestures until⌠a certain point in the story. Itâs not because he doesnât like you, so just keep flirting with him, youâll get there eventually, itâs just that the Qenna romance is gonna be a⌠complicated one.
11 Likes
This is why I wonât touch the teen age option. Hate getting age-gated. lol
I figure Qenna is so jumpy about romance because of hisâŚsecret. Probably makes it hard for him.
6 Likes
Goddd, MC embarrassing themself in front of Narmer 
My noble is also worried he made Qenna uncomfortable with his comment⌠and my captain is starting to think his attractive companions will be more of a danger to his health than anything they will encounter on this quest!
Typos/etc
And to see that they can count on you or not. Damn.
if
Itâs complemented with bronze chest plates, and she wears the golden symbol of the medjay â the eye of Horus with a ruby for pupil â wrapped around both of her biceps.
for the pupil
Yeah, sure, if she wants to be technical, although you have no idea how thatâs helping you⌠until a sudden thought pops up in your mind. âOh! I used to shoot at birds with him. When we were smaller. With arrows.â
âŚ
You look over the weapons on display. There are definitely a lot to choose from. To start with, you go over to the rack that holds the training arrows. When you were younger, you and your brother sometimes went out to shoot at random stuff for fun. You think you still remember something of that.
these two passages seem a bit repetitive being so close to each other
He lets you go surprisingly quickly and turns away from you so fast the it leaves you reeling.
that
âŚWhat the fuck did just happen?
just happened
âItâs okay, you are fine,â he talks to you in calm voice.
in a calm
chapter2 line 2602: It is illegal to fall out of a *choice statement; you must *goto or *finish before the end of the indented block
Unfortunately, he was also a lot more handsome than you expected. Why is the king handsome? Isnât that completely unfair? Heâs already the king, he doesnât need even more going for him!
Should veteran MC also say remembered instead of expected here?
2 Likes
Oh yeah my MC is younger than 20. Well guess my noble gotta take that L. Can I still romance someone else when I get rejected?
1 Like