I concur with AAO you’ll find that the community here is pretty open-minded. I would start a demo that has a good chunk of game , just enough to get the feel of the story across.
I hear ya, but there’s always someone who will misinterpret things and get offended. You can’t solely focus on other peoples sensibilities otherwise it will just wear you out.
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Alrighty, a demo has been posted. I’m not a very good speller or writer so i’m sorry about that.
The “demo” as i see it, is not meant to be played. It’s just to kinda give an idea of what i’m going for if anything.
Things I need to improve is giving you more control over the M.C and my coding cause right now it sucks and my writing.
There is a third class besides hero or villain and its called renegade, I just didn’t write it in, but basically what this class does is that they are like the volturi from twilight. They are task with keeping the peace/balance by any means necessary.
I’m still working on the powers situation.
Also um I can’t remember who posted something about a dystopian world or what not, but i certainly like the idea of making this story a bit of a dystopian world were you are the cause it, rather then you being born into it.
Final thing i have to say is that if anything Nazi disturbs you or makes you feel uncomfortable please don’t read this, just skip it. I am not trying to step of anyones toes. And just to be sure the story is rated 18+
lol did i mention that the demo sucks hahaha
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Thanks for the Christmas present,mate.
Yay. People who stick to the forum rules from the getgo 
You sir/madam/other title of choice just made my day a lot better 
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I really like what you have so far I especially liked the villain path but the only error I saw was that the game backtracked to the beginning after the attack
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I love history and IF that has history themes so i love this and if u need reference/inspiration i suggest the book : The Man In The High Castle or the tv series based on this goodluck!
The scene opens with you sitting in a class room desk. Outside gray clouds were thundering slightly and the rain was coming down pretty hard. You took a look around the class room. It was big and a few years ago there were so many students.
This scene doesn’t have anything to do with anything. It’s not part of the flashback, and neither is it part of the current storyline. It could quite easily be cut completely, and just begin with you discovering the illicit trade.
you didn’t feel the biggest roach on earth crawl on top of your hand.
Where is the option to keep it as a pet? 
(Or, you know, just flick it off quietly? Not everyone hates insects.)
A few hours later on school grounds, I came across a very illegal transaction between a geek and the captain of the football team. The geek was selling the captain a very distinguishable white powder.
I’m not certain why he has to be cutting class if this is on school grounds… But, anyway, this is pretty much pointless, since you give the same scene (in much greater detail) on the next page. It would probably be a good idea not to just call them “the jock” and “the nerd”, especially if the jock is the captain of the football team; wouldn’t the MC know his name?
I get what you’re trying to do with the question marks, but would it make sense to give us some clue what’s behind them? Obviously, you would leave it vague, like “I think of justice”, and not give any other clues.
Camille, Vanessa, Sophie… Doesn’t my MC have any male friends? (Preferably cute ones.)
“Fuck you MC, I’ll chew however I want hoe.”
Okay. Why am I this girl’s friend? (Also, isn’t the slur female-specific?)
your ex best friend Lucas.
Here we are. Even though he’s obviously on the other side, I already like him more than the interchangeable Camille and Sophie and the obnoxious Vanessa (and not just because of his gender). In a few lines, it’s obvious that he actually cares for the MC, something I have yet to see from the girls.
It would probably be easier to describe the masks than to show images. On the choice screen, there’s no indication that the masks are any different from one another (And, for that matter, are they purely superficial?)
Your clothes were wet so you decided to change into an Armani suit.
Just like that? Is that one of our powers, too? And why specifically Armani?
You rejected the hug with a smack of your hand to their faces.
Well, I don’t exactly want to hug them, but do I have to slap them? Isn’t there a nicer way to push them off?
Looking at your code, I can see a few problems. Firstly, you’ve got all four routes in your scene list. This means that once one is ended (with *finish), the next will automatically begin, which (I’m assuming) isn’t what you want. Secondly, the “Villain” choices go to routes labelled “hero” and the (male) “Hero” choice goes to a route labelled “villain”; admittedly, this may be intentional, from what I read of the story (heroic “villain” versus villainous “hero”). I suggest that you might want to focus on only one path though, if this is your first project. For one thing, unless the two paths converge at some point, you’re basically writing two different stories, and it would probably be easier to concentrate on one. On a similar note, I couldn’t see any difference between the male and female paths. It would be much easier to set it as a variable at the start and just change minor things (e.g. pronouns) as and when needed.
I note that most of the choices are purely superficial: they change a few lines of text and then return. While that’s fine in part, there should probably be some choices that actually have an effect. Introducing stats could be a way to do this (although I’d also caution you against going too far in the other direction, and creating a game dominated by stats), or you could use subpaths (i.e. smaller paths within a main path), or something similar.
Anyway, it’s certainly an interesting concept, and, while it does need quite a bit of polishing (including hunting for typos, of which there seemed to be quite a few), I could see it doing very well. Good luck. 
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Wouldn’t the m.c know his name? The m.c could probably know, but then again he doesn’t have that big of a social life. Well at least at the start.
I was thinking about that when i was writing towards the end. I definitely was putting a lot of female characters without noticing. I think it was because in real life i feel more comfortable having female friends than males. But anyways, in the future I’ll change it a bit and add more male characters, especially male friends .
Yes just like that lol, I don’t know how am I gonna explained that, but it sure makes it easier since the m.c hero or villain or renegade, doesn’t have a set “costume”. Armani? It just came to me out of nowhere.
Hahaha maybe there is? but it was just a playful smack
Assuming I understood it correctly then yes it is meant to be like that. In this story you are evil by playing a hero and a hero by playing a villain.
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Must say I didn’t expected nazis. XD
Though I’m interested, I’m curious where this story is going.
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Fair enough.
Well, maybe we could convince Lucas to join us at some point. He doesn’t seem completely villainous.
Well, maybe say “shifted” or something similar, rather than “changed”, which implies by hand. Also, Armani was founded in the 70s, so it’s far too late for this alternate reality; maybe you could come up with your own brand (perhaps a German-sounding one)?
Okay, that was what I’d assumed.
Joan de Arc? What the heck?!
You must have had fun writing that, because i didn’t understand anything… How did nuclear bombs result in spiritual powers and possession?[quote=“SheaMcD, post:34, topic:21865, full:true”]
I dunno if you still want powers, but how about one that negates all other powers, sorta like touma from a certain magical index (if you’ve ever watched that)
[/quote]
Dazai-san? (I hope someone here gets the reference)[quote=“Notsofunny, post:39, topic:21865”]
Ps: For the people that gave me powers, I thank you! I will put them to good use.
[/quote]
If you’re still open to suggestions, i have some…
-Super Speed (Sorry, watching too much Flash)
-Teleportation (Something like Jumper, not the usual Nocturn nerfed teleport)
-Super Force (YOU DON’T SAY? But really, it’s so boring and overused that no one ever wastes time thinking about that… Unless we’re adding a hulkish power set there)
-Dark tendrils… (I just choose it at any game it’s available, it’s sort of the default bad ass power)
-Time Manipulation (Ok, maybe nerf it a lot, like you can only stop time for five-ten seconds? Or accelerate it enough for your character to obtain super speed? Also, with enough mastery, you could be able to turn people old… Unlimited potential there!)
-Nulify other powers/Steal them (This one would work on a strenght/control basis. By that i mean if the power of someone overcomes your nulify power, it won’t work. Or something like absorb said power only if your body is resilient enough to maintain it, you should take a look at an anime called Charlotte to understand what i’m thinking about the latter)
Like it, very useful for shopping, as my “wise use of time” mc would be all too happy to confirm. 
Joan de Arc
Hahaha what don’t you like her?
Well the bombs caused gene mutations and since the M.C belongs to a long line of spiritual beings(family), the mutations cause his/her abilities to go to the next level, plus in the future you will train and develop them further with leads to possession.
That power is actually tied to an ending and even if I Nerf it, the consequences of time manipulation are really serious. (The renegade council is always watching and you could be executed for that)
Its going to be there. You will definitely need it.
Also, some of the powers in the story are not unique. You will definitely encounter people with the same power but it varies on how they use it.
I love the demo great work
pretty sure you meant Archangel not Archangle
The idea is very interesting. 
I will read the demo and give some feedback in a while. Just a tip though, saying that it sucks will hardly motivate people to read the demo.
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Please don’t post on a WIP that’s been idle for more than 2 weeks unless you’re the author.
Just a friendly reminder that it’s against the rules.
Oh my apologies. Shall I delete my post?
Nah, it’s okay mistakes happen and I am sure our mods would let it slide just once…(?)