Vendetta (WIP) (Chapter 7 + Ash Hangout Updated on 7th March 2024) [356,701K Words Total])

This story is so promising, your writing is really captivating. I felt immersed in this universe, and the scenes with MC’s mother and father oh boy it HURTED, but in a good way. :smiling_face_with_tear:

AAAAAA me too! My favorite trope of romance is a grumpy with a soft spot for MC, so…

Can’t wait to play like a somehow sweet MC who buried all the trauma inside and will break eventually. Or will go feral if someone tries to hurt Ash.


@Empress_Nightmare Glad you found it interesting :smile: and yes! I will develop it further. The Prologue and Chapter 1 are the most basic groundwork to build the rest of the story upon.

I was actually worried that stoic MCs are too stoic in some cases in the flashback, because they were still 10 years old. Stoic MCs will definitely be more composed as an adult later on. Also, one constant thing about every types of MC is that they’ll always love their dad and will always have strong reactions about his death, even in the future. Stoic MCs just might be able to keep it inside better than emotional MCs, but they will still feel the pain, just not showing it outwardly.

@Paradox1 Thank you for your feedback! I’ll leave the poll up for a few more days as more readers come and vote :grin:

@Bahamuht Oh my… for a second, I thought you were referencing to another character named Mad Dog from one of my favorite WIPs, “The Operatives: Fires of Revolution”! :laughing:

Well, Friendly, Timid, and Merciful are all separate personality aspects for MC. So… theoretically, you can play a Friendly or Timid MC that are also ruthless to their enemies :wink:

@Sakura_Higanbana28 I have plans on trying to make them but they are currently not my main concern :sweat_smile: The only artbreeder portrait that I currently have is actually one of Luka, since he’s closely inspired by another MC that I played as in another IF. But, if I were to take some break in the future from writing, I’ll certainly try to make the artbreeder portraits. For now, the readers are free to picture the ROs as they see fit!


I am getting spoiled with all these great WIPs. I was so sad when the Demo ended. Keep it up dude! :heart_eyes:


Im back! One of my favorite scenes is the one in the principal office after you help Ash hold down Ricky Rich, tbh honest I don’t think to far like what would happen after that. But mc surprised me with turning on the “waterworks” so to speak, not intentionally I think she was panicking but it was smart of her! And Dad going full papa bear mode it was so sweet if a bit misguided lol

And I liked how differently Ash reacts depending on how you deal with the bully. After you help him he listens to you when you tell him about the teachers, and after the principal scene is like pretty smug? Like why should he be shamed when you supported him? That means that what he did wasn’t that bad right?

Or when you try to stop him, he doesn’t look like he cared about the bully, he only cared about making Mc scared. Same with the principal scene, was he feeling guilty just because of Mc?

Would it be possible to influence him? Like to make him more calm or just let him go ham on our enemies?

Im just seeing things or did Ash already had a crush on Mc? I wonder how it will show when they’re both grow up?

Right right sorry for the novel, Im just an Ash simp!


I am definitely curious about how this game will turn out. I hope that it takes the best parts of its namesake (the width, the depth, the length, the tone), even though it’s a different genre entirely.

I enjoy the tone of the story, and the backstory of PC. Ash is a nice best friend to have, and I wonder what their arc will be.

High level feedback

I wonder though: what is the significance of PC having more than one power? While I am aware that this is only two chapters (prologue + chapter 1) of story, it feels like PC must choose to develop one of their powers over the other (and therefore I wonder why we don’t get the choice to say we have gravity powers or shadow powers at the school scene) consistently. When I looked into the stats screen and world info, there was also a lot more information for gravity powers than for shadow powers.

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Oh nice, this seems interesting. Our MC has Gravikinesis but will our mastery in that power develop over time to include making mini black holes or even slowing down time? That seems like a dangerous, yet entertaining, power to have. Moreso than telekinesis.


i believe they do! which is so cute to me considering pretty much every 12 year old i’ve ever known would hate the idea of having a crush on a 10 year old. why would they like a child when they’re sooo much older and a pre-teen? :roll_eyes:


Another wip I’m in love with :heart_eyes: It was great read, your writing style… I wouldn’t guess that English is not your first language (tho, maybe I’m not the right person to judge it :thinking:). When I saw synopsis, I was a bit skeptical - superheroes, powers, the death of MC’s parent, revenge - there were a lot of these things in IFs games. Now I’ve learned not to be negative about something I haven’t read yet.

I was surprised how good impression Ash made on me. Usually I don’t really like characters with this kind of personality. But it was quite refreshing that our best friend wasn’t the sweet, cheerful type. Often MC’s best friends are just like that, I don’t know if it’s just me who noticed it :sweat_smile:

@charger The author said on Tumblr yes!


I was very less emotionally expressive even around that age… :joy_cat::joy_cat::joy_cat: and now I’m just emotionally numb, some emotions are like nonexistent for me by now


Oi @jsc can we get a choice yo actually reject their mother when they came back into their life? In description you mentioned that she’ll come knocking on MCs door…

:joy_cat::joy_cat::joy_cat: yeah, so gross… Just kidding. Ash being so protective of MC is cute too even though it’s extreme.

@XaosMinion I’m glad that you enjoy the principal office talk :grin: I think my personal favorite variation of the talk with the principal is if you went down the violent path when dealing with the bully! Since it also shows a bit of another side of the MC’s dad, which brings me to the next point:

I was trying to show that Viktor was not a perfect dad and like all other parents, he was very much biased. He had never personally seen MC be violent and so he wouldn’t entertain the possibility and he would defend MC until the end, even if he had to resort to a more unpleasant method.

I’m glad you like it because I also enjoyed writing those scenes. They were actually not really planned to be that much of variations, but once I got to writing it, they just came out pretty smoothly!
And yes, Ash really cares about what MC thinks of them, so the guilt in their eyes was actually because of MC! He felt guilty for scaring you and dragging you into the principal’s office as well because of their rash actions.

Yes! There will be more chance for MC to influence Ash to be less ruthless in the future. They won’t completely change drastically, in fact, some may consider their change to almost be minuscule, but they’ll actually try to rein in their more aggressive impulses if MC has shown dislike or disapproval of their behaviour.

Yes, they just hadn’t fully realized it yet at that time and it was still in very early stages during the flashback. But, yes, Ash will be the only RO to have a crush for all types of MCs.

@Snowflower I’m planning for the readers to be able to specialize on one power while still keeping the other power on a decent level and let you also choose one of the three skills to specialize in. Don’t worry too much on the stats because the game won’t be too stat heavy. There will be some stat checks here and there, but mostly, the skills percentage I used for flavour texts as to how MC will react to a problem using their highest skill.
Also, the gravikinesis have a longer description in the stat screen because it’s a power that can be used in much more different and creative ways than the umbrakinesis. :sweat_smile:

@TemplarFounder Yes, theoretically MC can make mini black holes and slow down time, but I think with the level that MC is right now, they won’t be able to do that. Yet. Also, using your powers too much and too intensively can cause some pretty devastating side-effects. So that may be another deterrent or barrier for MC to be able to do that. :smile: A decade or two more with rigid practice and MC could probably do that and be one of the most feared powered people in the city!

@charger I’m sorry that you feel that way :pensive: At the time of the flashback, Ash hadn’t fully realized themselves that they were definitely having some sort of ‘puppy love’ for MC. Also, as to why on MC is because I think MC is the only person that they hang out with regularly outside of school, especially since their mother and MC’s father are very close friends as well, so they definitely spent a lot of time with MC. Also, they were not exactly the most sociable kid in their grade and their peers were afraid of trying to be friends with them and they didn’t care to try because they already had MC. I hope you would find the other ROs to be more enjoyable if you’re still interested in reading the story :smiley:

I’m glad you like them so far :grin: And yes, I usually also love the sweet and cheerful type of best friend to lovers type, but I decided to mix it up a bit with Ash. They definitely are also sweet to MC… in their own way :laughing:

@Empress_Nightmare When she comes knocking, MC can certainly have strong reactions and be pretty mean to her. But MC will have to still listen to what she has to say. But in the end, MC can definitely decide not to help her at all and even intentionally lead to her downfall. :wink:

It’ll be a theme with Ash. Every thing they did and will do is what they believe to be the best for MC’s safety. As I have mentioned above, MC can definitely show their disapproval of it and they’ll try their best to change.


Isn’t Ash Uncle’s child ?Or is it a situation like Mikasa and ereh… ?


@Surendra999 Ash is Aunt Cara’s child and not Uncle Luka’s. Cara and Luka are not married :sweat_smile: Viktor, Luka, and Cara were all very close childhood best friends (well, Viktor and Luka were already brothers but they had a really good relationship with each other), kinda like three musketeers :grin:


nooo no need to apologize i love ash and their little crush! i was joking because every 12 year old i’ve seen finds kids younger than them gross, unlike ash who likes MC haha :sob: sorry if it came out wrong.


@charger Oh my… I’m so relieved :sweat_smile: I was actually worried that you were really upset about it :laughing: I’m glad you turn out to love Ash! :heart:


So if i get this right in the game we will have choices for all the stats in one decision and will not be locked on choices with specific skills?

Off topic, but Mikasa and Eren aren’t related and don’t see each other as siblings since they only lived together less than a year after her family was murdered.


Man, your gravikinesis concept is the coolest thing I’ve read in awhile. I can only hope we’ll get the option to do everything you described with it, because that sells me on the game alone, as a superpower nerd.

I didn’t see it mentioned anywhere, but will we get to design a costume for the MC?

For me, it’s just not entirely clear when it’s present time and when it’s a flashback. I think I can figure it out, but it’s not immediately obvious.

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What cool tricks can we do with the shadow powers?

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