me, a Guaran MC : you guys are getting secondary skin customisation options ?
As a Tomei, my MC doesn’t get skin customization, but fur instead. And mane instead of hair, though that one is a bit rough right now.
But one of the Tomei NPCs has fur patterning, and we’re discussing about adding the possibility for the MC too, instead of just plain colors.
Really nice, haven’t played lots of good sci-fi COG and this demo is 
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The main reason I mentioned the Akhal-teke is because I wanted to let the author know that natural “metalic” fur colors aren’t completely impossible. My main goal there was to help it be included as an option. 
Even mild iridescence is within the realm of possibility. 
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Okay! Everything I broke should be fixed now lol
Guaran players should now get the option to choose what their plates look like (thank you, @clementine for pointing that out), and tomei can now have patterns! Thank you very much @Konoi and @LadyUmbreon89 for your suggestions 
Please let me know what you all think of the options. Also; the akhal-teke horse is the prettiest horse I have ever seen- but, unfortunately, it isn’t really a pattern. It will have to be left up to reader interpretation. I did add iridescent fur, though!
I’ve also added a Player Description bit onto the stats screen; once you’re done at the mirror, it should become visible. Please let me know how it works, I haven’t really tested it much lol
The headscarf thing should also be working now! I had a few bits of code out of order.
That is up to player interpretation They’re not explicitly related to any religion, but I am writing it with that in mind. I’ve left it open-ended to accommodate for all the different cultures and species in the story. Like Ytwith; he wears a hood/mask combo when he’s out in public, so tomei players should have a similar option.
Thank you! And yeah, it seems like fantasy is the more popular genre here lol. If you haven’t played it already, you should try Event Horizon! It’s sci-fi as well and it’s awesome
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Okay then! Here to report!
Very cool! The groupings you did with pattern types are cool since it allows players to visualize the variety of specific patterns within a specific category.
If you have time, maybe you could add speckled too? I didn’t think of it before, but it’s nice, and different enough from spotted to have it’s own category?
I also like the suspension of disbelief you did with the use of the translation explanation that justifies the fact the patterns are described in a way akin to Earth-native animal equivalents.
The mane options are much clearer now, though there was a small typo in one of the options:
“I have achin-length mane”
The space between “a” and “chin” has been eaten 
It doesn’t? Haha, let me explain!
I had that error once I’ve tried to access the stat screen after that point:
“choicescript_stats line 112: Non-existent variable ‘skincolor’”
It’s probably because Tomei don’t have a skin color value, but fur instead.
Maybe a little bit of rephrasing would make it seem less automatically religious oriented? The MC is like REALLY relieved the nurse managed to find a new scarf for them, implying it’s something that’s absolutely needed.
If it was changed to something like “at least you managed to get your hands on a replacement scarf”, that would leave it more ambiguous. Could be religious just as much as mean the character really likes wearing a scarf.
That’s a relatively minor thing though, and in the end I’ve decided to just go without scarf, but well, that’s still a suggestion I can make 
I think that’s all I have for now, since there isn’t new content per se.
Ah but I forgot to mention in my previous comments! I absolutely love the “mini-chapter” from Val’s POV! Such a nice touch. Especially how the stat screen goes crazy then. I love it when the stat screen changes with the ongoing events, and not nearly enough games do so!
favourite line so far
The anxiety can’t get to you if you’re a moving target, right?
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after you (me) customize a Guaran you can no longer access the stats. I’m not sure if this is the same for other races.
Should be working now, thank you! I just used the wrong variable 
The other stuff will have to wait until morning lol
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for your morning task, sorry
in the stats there isn’t a break between Weapon and Description
my lovely MC for example ~
As the previous commenter said, breaks are missing. But also, mane lenght, for a Tomei:
Weapon: Ring-Staff Description: You are a tomei. You have rosette-covered silver fur, and a grey mane that is Your eyes are fiery orange.
Thank you that should be fixed now. Also; I changed my mind. Coding is clearly my weakest area lol
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Yup, works now!
I had sort of mixed feelings on this update…It’s hard to explain, because I feel like the quality of the writing is still great and I liked all of the scenes that happened individually, but I didn’t feel like they…fit together well?
I feel like the flashback sequences are really messing with the pacing of the story. I think part of it is kind of what I indicated before – the scenes are really cool, but they also feel arbitrary, not really motivated by anything that’s happening in the present. But also now, with two fairly lengthy flashbacks so close together, it feels like the present day story has ground to a halt, that it’s no longer important or what we’re supposed to be invested in.
That’s kind of an overstatement, to be fair, I’m just not really sure how to express it better than that. And like I said, the hospital scene was still strong in its own right. It just didn’t feel like it’s a natural part of the story, I guess, and felt more like an intrusion on the story?
I definitely don’t mean to say that you should toss the flashbacks out or anything, I just felt kind of ambivelent about them and wanted to try and explain why. I hope this is useful feedback, and if it’s not, you’re welcome to put it out of your mind. In any case, I’m still looking forward to what you have in store next. 
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Oh, that’s interesting considering I really like how it alternates between past and present? 
My reasoning is that the present timeline advancing pretty slow allows to build tension, all the while having these flashbacks motivated by small insignificant things like opening a door. And the flashbacks themselves are a nice way to get to know (build) the MC in order to have it easier to make them act like they “should” in the present.
Not to mention, if romancing Ace (as in, having an ongoing relationship or attraction), adding all these details from the past will make the reunion more moving.
That being said, I do agree it would be better not to put any more flashbacks before the story progresses in order not to have an inbalance in how much we know of the various ROs.
We already know more about one than the others, but it’s still fine right now, because it’s always interesting to know one character from before the start of the story. But if it takes too long to meet the others, they may become “less interesting” for players, if that makes sense?
In my case Ace was the one I liked from start, from reading the RO descriptions, so it isn’t an issue, but I have recently played a WIP where one of the ROs is a childhood friend of the MC and players meet them very early on, but then you spend literal chapters before meeting the other ROs, and while it was overall a great story, it does create an inbalance.
So yeah, in my opinion, the WIP is great as it is, pacing wise, but I do agree on the fact more flashbacks should be avoided before the present timeline progresses a bit!
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Thank you! This is excellent feedback
I think I understand what you mean. I was worried about the ship exploration being too slow and boring, and I needed to give the player some backstory stuff, so I tried to use the backstory stuff to make chapter 4 more interesting. But I really glossed over the transitions because I just wanted to get the scenes done lol
This was the intent, yeah, but I got a bit carried away with the flashbacks lol.
I cut out something that might help smooth things out. It wasn’t working before, but I think I can adjust it. Spoilers; The flashbacks weren’t supposed to be as unprompted as they are now. Before I cut stuff out, they were brought on by Val messing with your head. They need to learn your language, and having you project some memories was the best way to get it. So I could put bits and hints of it back, and have it pay off in a future update.
And maybe I can stretch out the exploration in between the flashbacks, but I am sick of describing hallways lol
Yeah, maybe I’ve put to much of a focus on Ace lol. I’ve been thinking about how to fix it, and I think I’ll just have to give the others extra scenes. I’ll worry about it when we get there
Thank you both for your input I’ll add this to the list of things to fix. If anybody else has an opinion on it, I’d love to hear from you as well!
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I like that idea! Is it weird to confess that I thought that was actually what was happening before you admitted it? 
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oh man, what a great demo. i avoided it for a bit since space sci-fi isn’t my go-to jam, but i’m so glad i read this.
the story is engaging and interesting. i’m already invested in the characters and the mc. i want to learn more about the crew and their personalities and relationship with mc and each other. and the ship, whoo boy my psi tech etherian is curious af to figure out what is going on.
The wormhole/ship mystery is intriguing, I can’t wait to investigate and discover the truth surrounding the creepy jellyfish ship with my trusty drone cat/dog.
another thing that i wanted to mention, specifically was that i really enjoyed the way the stats page changed during the >unknown chapter< when we read a bit in valhalla’s pov. it really added a sense of intrigue and otherness to that part of the story
i also very much love the replay-ability of this; being able to choose different races and backgrounds makes additional playthroughs more engrossing, at least for me, since i tend to choose the same-ish dialogue options throughout playthroughs.
like others mentioned the pacing was a little off in chapter 4. i loved the flashbacks but i did think they were a bit random and made the ship scene drag. you’ve mentioned that there were plot reasons for this that you were going to work in which i think will really benefit the pacing for the story and the understanding of the reader.
Great job and i’m looking forward to reading the next update.
some things to note
- when choosing mc’s relationship with Ace, i did get confused with a couple of the options,
#No, more like innuendo. Uh oh
#No. In fact it is much worse- do they [i]know?[/i]
i thought the #No, more like innuendo. Uh oh. option was actually the dating relationship option. Whereas, i thought the #No. In fact it is much worse- do they [i]know?[/i] was the crush option.
You could add a couple of words to the relationship option to make it a bit clearer. For example have the text say,
#No. In fact it is much worse- do they [i]know?[/i] *about us?*
-
in the extended etherian description there is a typo,
Tradition also dictates that all etherians wear their hear long
‘hear’ should be ‘hair’ -
i am fated to never have a drone
- drone issue, ch.3 i chose to hold the drone and then immediately meditate, but as soon as i went into the meditation room there were no longer any references or reactions to my drone throughout the rest of the demo(i got as far as the first flashback in ch.4 and restarted. because drone buddy)**
i did see some extra drone actions/dialogue while reading the code though so i figured i would mention it.
**i went back and chose the option to explore a bit more with my drone, and then chose to meditate and was able to get the drone interactions in chapter 3.
- ch. 4 drone issue, i lost the drone again in chapter 4, (earlier choices: explore a bit more with my drone, then meditate)
you have the drone variable recall as
~
*if drone = "holding"
You put down the drone and slump...
~
however, i’m pretty sure that at this point the variable (for my playthrough, at least) is still set as drone2 = "lap" since it was changed earlier in ch.3 and referenced/triggered throughout the chapter:
~
*temp drone2 ""
*if (drone = "holding") or (drone = "puppy") Or at least you [i]try[/i] to...
*fake_choice
#Aw. Come here, little guy.
*set drone2 "lap"
~
- ch. 3 drone issue,
*if drone = "puppy"- so i chose the ignore drone and he became my drone puppy which is all the yes. i again choose to explore a bit more and then meditate. When i get to the option to choose
#I love him.which obvs i do, i just get sent on an eternal loop of love and devotion, which is great, but unfortunately, the story doesn’t advance.
same with#Sir, please. I am trying to workand#I almost regret bringing him with me. Almost.
the story does go on when you choose, #I know how to stop him. Here, let me just...
however, the drone dissapears in ch 4 if you choose
#Pat him. Maybe he'll calm down?
*set drone2 "floor"
ditto with if you choose
#Does he want up? I can give him up. *set drone2 "top"
- ok this one is absolutely because of my unconscious bias but could you maybe add a note at the beginning that you’re using british english. it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that torch != flaming fire stick. i did think it was funny, however, that the mc was worried about blaster gunfire in a ship’s hold but wielding an open flame around their destroyed vessel was totally fine.
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Personally I got a little bit confused at first glance, but with the innuendo one having the “uh oh” at the end, I concluded it was only a crush - hence the MC being worried about people knowing. But I can see how some people might get more confused than that? So yeah, I think your suggestion would be a good idea.
Didn’t think of that when doing my reviews since I didn’t have true issues.
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It’s not weird In fact, I’m glad you picked up on it lol. I’ll be elaborating on it this week, but it might take a few days.
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it
Thank you for the detailed feedback
I have reworded the stuff with Ace to make it clearer, and I’ve gone back over the code regarding the drone. I forgot to put a lot of things in lol but it should be working now. He should now show up during the meditation scene, but if he never gets mentioned again, that is a bug. Please let me know if it happens again. Thanks for double-checking my code lol
I also fixed the hair/hear thing, which made me realize I got my lore mixed up. It’s supposed to be the women who braid their hair, not men lol.
Oh, whoops! I completely forgot that that’s what british people call flashlights :D. I thought I was being clever by calling the flashlight-setting on your rig something fancy. I’ve adjusted the wording a bit so it should be clearer lol
I haven’t messed with the flashbacks yet, but I’ll start on it soon. I’ll let you guys know when it’s up
Thank you again for your input! I hope you all have a nice day
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