Twisted Gold (WIP) [Chapter 2 1/1/2023]

[Icaro]

Smoke wraps dirty hands around your throat, a tearstained, choking memory.

Thieving shadows on the white-washed walls of the great Avolire.

Golden eyes on a golden throne. Beloved. Glittering. A liar.

A smiling request at gilded feet.

A hunt.

SYNOPSIS
In the wake of an attack on your village that left your father dead and everybody you had ever known missing or the same, you are given one option; find your uncle in the Capital or else run for the hills and never look back.

It was never really a choice anyway.

FEATURES

• Play as Male, Female, Non-binary – with separate and custom pronouns regardless of gender identity.

• Choose your weapon, Hand-and-a-half sword, Daggers, or wield the pervasive power of aura.

• Romance one or more? of your companions, with no set sexuality.

• Pursue vengeance or justice for the death of your father, whatever that may entail.

THE RO's

Rhene(F): Piercing brown eyes and a calm demeanor marks the woman who stands behind you with a taut bow in her hands. When her eyes pin you to the wall, what will she find?

Rory(M): A nervous smile and boundless crackling energy are constant companions to the young man who stands at your side. Will the lightning spark at your back? Will that smile belong to you?

August(M): Golden curls and green eyes shine darkly against his skin. Secret lips whisper in your ear. When the truth comes to light, will that gold still shine the same?

Lyle(NB, M, F) Bright blue eyes of the friend you’ve always known watch you adoringly. To the person who follows you always, will they be able keep you close and safe like they’ve only ever wanted? Will you let them?

Eloi(NB): On the run, with their only safe haven in the arms of enemies, adrift in a city as dangerous as what they run from. This person is already scarred by knowing you, Will they be able to make it out intact?

OTHER NOTABLES

Your Father: He dead.

The Calasso: A juvenile animal you rescue, he seems to have taken an immediate liking to you. Rather protective of you as well…

King Lorcan: The King of Castylian, beloved by the people. Son of a tyrant. A good king by all accounts.

Twisted Gold is a fantasy story with a dual-focus on narrative and romance. There are 5 romance options: One nonbinary, one female, two male, one gender-choosable (NB, M, F).

Links

Tumblr:
https://icaroif.tumblr.com/

Twitter:
https://twitter.com/Icaro_IF

DEMO

Updates

1/1/23: Updated with Chapter Two and Interlude. Meet the rest of the Ros and step into the grand gates of Avolire.
1/5/22: Updated with some grammar and spelling fixes as well as continuity fixes over the past few days.

[Length]
A little over 90,000 words. No idea how many per playthrough.

I’m a little desperate for feedback so please tell me what you think! If you liked it, tell me why. If you didn’t, tell me what. If you gave it a shot but it failed to grab you attention let me know where and why if you can!

[Zyrios]

@Icaro

Your Father : He dead.

Dang.

Also, regarding the magic apparatus(-es-es-es-es-es), a suggestion for tools other than your typical Wizardly Wand or Sagely Staff could be a crook. I’ve always thought that the hook shape could be seen as a hand (of sorts) holding the spell that you intend to cast, and you throw the spell out like a lacrosse ball (in which case, which does more damage: the magic, or the impact? Lacrosse is a terrifying sport).

[Spicy_Spicy]

NoT Me Getting Attached​:no_mouth:

[Icaro]

That’s an interesting idea, I’ll definitely think about adding that, as I’m debating getting rid of the wand and staff entirely.

[Logan_T]

The fact that you made the bastard sword an option has won you major points in my book

[Valixon]

I enjoyed what you have so far and looking forward to seeing more

[Zyrios]

I can use a Cussing Sword?

FINALLY

[Icaro]

This just in, all sword mcs have engraved ‘fuck’ on the blade

[Blazingdragon]

Ooo I like it so far!

[MyBonesAreFine]

Nice I really like it so far

[Jonard_Conejar]

I really like your story so far, y’know the first time I played it I assumed that I would be locked in one fighting style so I choose magic, on my second playthrough I choose the sword and I’m kinda surprised that I still have access to magic not that I’m complaining

[Blazingdragon]

Uh couldn’t you have at least give some constructive criticism and say why you didn’t like it and perhaps things they could improve?

[Paradox1]

Aight.
I saw

1. vengeance
2. bastard sword
3. focus on narrative.

I’m in. All the way in

[Paradox1]

typos and errors

I appreciate the humour but this line kind of felt immersion breaking for me.

On the last page of the demo, Tom mentions a “her”. Considering both of these are the same person, wouldn’t it be more natural for the kids to refer to their birth parent as “mother”?

I like the premise. One thing, I wanted to ask, I had chosen the bastard sword and since we can detect auras and cast glyphs that means we are proficient in Craft as was evident. So, what does a MC who chooses magic have that a say, combat MC doesn’t? Seems combat MC is more advantageous, combat+magic, rather than a magic MC who’s only proficient in Craft.

Moreover, Tom kind of felt like an obelisk of kindness, a role model. He who can do no wrong, trusts his children to go hunt bandits and effortlessly lets them go on adventures with a random stranger whom he sympathizes about. He seems too perfect, you know? A little bit of imperfection, some type of shortcoming will be appreciated. Especially how he’s always kind comforting and patient enough even when we choose to be rude. Same with the children, although they may be blinded in their ‘adventurer-worshipping’.

I also would have liked if we had more RO dialogue/interaction before choosing how we felt about them. It feels a bit early, imo.

And judging by the bandit captain’s nonchalance, I’m guessing Craft is widespread or quite well known in the (kingdom?). Also, the fight scene was blessed, would’ve liked if the narrator descriptions were italicized to differentiate them from actual in-game actions.
Also, Rory using lightning was a first time discovery for the siblings. After we woke up in the inn, we saw them almost ignorant of the fact that Rory used Craft for the first time in his life, even during heading out they seemed at peace. I would think, atleast Rory will be a bit concerned or thoughtful about the predicament, atleast for some time.

I would also like to ask about the age of MC and the siblings, and if we will have to deal with mental dilemmas/issues regarding our past, if you wouldn’t mind. The pacing was quite enjoyable, the immersion was good and i liked the subtle humour Integrated in the story.

This is just off the top of my head. Will let you know if I can think of other issues I may have overlooked.

Keep up the good work

[Icaro]

@Paradox1

On the last page of the demo, Tom mentions a “her”. Considering both of these are the same person, wouldn’t it be more natural for the kids to refer to their birth parent as “mother”?

The woman tom mentions, was not his partner (who was/is non-binary) but somebody else. I’ll see if it needs to be clearer.

@Paradox1

I like the premise. One thing, I wanted to ask, I had chosen the bastard sword and since we can detect auras and cast glyphs that means we are proficient in Craft as was evident. So, what does a MC who chooses magic have that a say, combat MC doesn’t? Seems combat MC is more advantageous, combat+magic, rather than a magic MC who’s only proficient in Craft.

An mc who specializes in craft will fight with it almost exclusively as well as have a wider array of techniques at their disposal :: An mc who specializes in a bladed weapon almost solely uses their aura as a sort of second perception, making them harder to sneak up on.
Both types of mc have been capable of manipulating aura and received training by the same mentor, only the level of attention and immersion in the training changes. I’ll add mentions of it for bladed weapons users in the demo soon.

@Paradox1

Moreover, Tom kind of felt like an obelisk of kindness, a role model.

I can definitely see that to be the case, to do a bit of alluding, Tom has seen a lot and lost a lot, (his partner foremost) and has had to do a lot of not so great things too, so has a lot of experience hiding emotions. But I think I can definitely explore his thoughts a bit more and let his mask slip, just a little. Although if I agreed with you less, I might suggest sending a young person he knows little about and his children off to the woods into a dangerous situation probably isn’t the best of plans.

@Paradox1

I also would have liked if we had more RO dialogue/interaction before choosing how we felt about them. It feels a bit early, imo

Which point are you referring to? Up until now theres only really been some flirting, and none of the choices lock you into anything aside from the serving section which just determines who you spend time with.

@Paradox1

And judging by the bandit captain’s nonchalance, I’m guessing Craft is widespread or quite well known in the (kingdom?)

I haven’t fully decided how common the ability to manipulate aura is yet, but I can tell you that actually learning of Craft is heavily regulated by an arm of Craft-mages attached directly to the crown. As for the bandit leader, he is… a special case. All I’m gonna say.

@Paradox1

Also, the fight scene was blessed, would’ve liked if the narrator descriptions were italicized to differentiate them from actual in-game actions.

I am not totally sure what you mean by this, would you mind elaborating?

@Paradox1

Also, Rory using lightning was a first time discovery for the siblings.

Mild fuck up on my part, I sort of glossed over it temporarily just sort of in the mc was sorta in an almost coma and everything else is kind of a backseat sorta way, with intentions to engage with both that and the deaths (both for mc and the siblings) early second chapter if you decided to travel with them. And just mc’s thoughts otherwise. But yeah it definitely needs more attention even if it can’t be a focal point quite yet as it just seems like I’m ignoring consequences.

@Paradox1

I would also like to ask about the age of MC and the siblings

Young adults, otherwise it’s headcanon.

@Paradox1

and if we will have to deal with mental dilemmas/issues regarding our past

The mc will be haunted by the events for a very long time, and (by player choice) can already suffer from panic attacks, did you have more specific repercussions in mind?

Thanks a ton for your wonderful feedback! I’m really happy you enjoyed what you’ve read so far. I’ll get those typos fixed right away.

[Paradox1]

@Icaro

but somebody else.

Oh. Understandable.

@Icaro

I might suggest sending a young person he knows little about and his children off to the woods into a dangerous situation probably isn’t the best of plans

Indeed, the dice of judgement can fall either way in that instance. His ability to respect his children’s wishes over his yaerning to be protective of them kind of falls under the category of being a perfect parent, ideally. That’s what I wanted to convey.

@Icaro

Which point are you referring to?

There were two instances. I remeber one, during our forest trek in search of the bandits, the options for RO selection kind of felt like a commitment choice. I am aware it isn’t a perma-save for RO choice this early in the story, but I’d like to test the waters before I submerge. Perhaps the wording in the options can be changed a bit to make the options seem a bit skeptical and not like we are commiting.

@Icaro

All I’m gonna say

Ah, i thought so.

@Icaro

I am not totally sure what you mean by this, would you mind elaborating

When we invoke Chaos the narration is intertwined with what happens in the forest. The description of Chaos and it’s manifestation could be italicized to make it more separate than what is actually happening in the forest.

@Icaro

did you have more specific repercussions in mind

I was wondering if MC would go down select alternate paths. Path 1 - they know they have issues and need to address it. Path 2- they know they have issues and believe that’s what keeps them grounded. Path 3- they do not accept they have issues and so on.
Panic attacks, random bouts of anxiety, depression, existential crisis, could be incorporated, me thinks for flavour.

[Icaro]

@Paradox1

That’s what I wanted to convey.

I can agree with that sentiment, Tom is a very good parent in my personal opinion, and a lot of his mistakes and flaws have already been made or worked on. Some of his deeper issues e still suffers bouts of depression over the death of his partner for one were not really able to be shown with the limited time and interaction of only a few days. I will continue to endeavor to make him a more real and raw character though, as well as the siblings.

@Paradox1

RO selection kind of felt like a commitment choice.

I’ll reword, I agree that it can feel a little too much like ‘this is the one I want’ I will also add a non-option and a random to the choice where you pick who you learn serving under.

@Paradox1

Chaos and it’s manifestation

It is what’s actually happening, that clearing is fucked up lol. Craft-glyphs are a very dangerous and powerful type of magic, both for and to the caster. Some of the more vague descriptions are because it made sense to me that a ‘human’ mind would have a good deal of difficulty comprehending chaos in a way, as well as maybe a bit of future-telling in this instance.

@Paradox1

I was wondering if MC would go down select alternate paths. Path 1 - they know they have issues and need to address it. Path 2- they know they have issues and believe that’s what keeps them grounded. Path 3- they do not accept they have issues and so on.
Panic attacks, random bouts of anxiety, depression, existential crisis, could be incorporated, me thinks for flavour.

I hadn’t yet decided how exactly I wanted to handle the situation, the effects of the past and the future will be seen and struggled with throughout the entirety of the story, there won’t be any magically better arcs, but there will certainly be options to learn to deal with it, cope healthily and maybe not so much, or just hope it goes away on its own, with perhaps some other options as well depending on how it feels.

Thank you once again

[Paradox1]

@Icaro

It is what’s actually happening

Indeed? Well, well, well, colour me intrigued.

@Icaro

‘human’ mind would have a good deal of difficulty comprehending chaos in a way, as well as maybe a bit of future-telling in this instance

It was quite flavourful, if I say so myself.

[M_Trakar]

I’m really loving the game so far! It’s very interesting. Are there any poly routes planned?

I did find an inconsistency:

Summary

Rhene had already meet us so it doesn’t make much sense for her to ask us this

I think in my case should only be with a wink and a grin.

Your in both

[Ale]

I loved this game! I’m traumatized because I always like WIP that aren’t even being worked on anymore so please go on, your writing is great I’m already in love with the characters <3 (sorry for my bad english, i’m still learning )