Trails Lead Home [Minor update: 9/9/18] [Temporary Hiatus as of 9/20/18]

Hello there! This is my first story and I decided to take the plunge using Choice Script and posting it here. It’s a rather large WIP, but let’s see how far we get with this, shall we?



Overview
This is a high-fantasy story with various elements interwoven to try and create a fresh, new experience. Rather than focusing on just building skills, you have to focus on building or destroying relationships with the various characters around you! This story will feature a new and expansive world, various characters and ROs, player choices that matter and affect the world, mysteries and side quests to solve, health system, and various endings that depend on the relationships and choices you make [or break] throughout the story.

Current Content

  • Three romance options; two monogamist [female and gender-selected], and one polygamist [male and gender-neutral]
  • 50k words [Introduction and part of chapter 1]
  • Ambiguous MC gender for now
  • Hopefully interesting characters

Warnings

  • Please keep in mind this is my first story using choice script and even bothering to share anything I wrote, so do be gentle and point out any mistakes made in the story.
  • Let’s be open minded about various issues and topics to avoid offending one another.
  • Biological Issues with various species for now; please ignore this for the time being–
  • Updates will be slow and/or posted at strange times due to school, work, and other irl commitments.


RO Info

Quick side note, characters are being developed as the story goes. I’m sorry if they seem boring and/or annoying for now. <3

Hollond A. Tomasu - asexual | gender neutral | poly-relationship

An outspoken, arrogant Y’nen who seems overly fond of poking fun of and verbally attacking those around them. Despite this they have a big heart and care openly for the well being of others despite their harsh, antagonizing words. Hollond enjoys taking time to pamper their family, lovers, and friends with affection and some nicely timed quips. Sadly, they definitely don’t seem to like you – poor MC…

" As they peer down at you, and you up at them, you take in their features with mild shock and horror. They have an angular, heart shaped face, with an elegantly crooked nose. Eyes; pupil-less and brightly colored a blue-green with their scelaria being a pitch black color. Thin, black lips were pulled into an arrogant smile that makes your blood boil. Long ears protrude from their head, sweeping out across their shoulders, and angled straight out. You figured that they were transfixed that way until they twitched and angled back slightly, showing the ears were more or less able to tilt. You weren’t sure how that was possible, but you decided against pondering the biology defying ear and instead focused on their face again. You attempted to stare them in the eyes, but their intense gaze and eye coloring made you quickly find the grass." - Physical description taken from Demo

[Was long-established WIP]

Galeon Hughes - bisexual | male | poly-relationship

A commoner Da’Kreth with no noble background or money to speak of. Galeon – goes by Gale – is very kind and loving towards any and all, believing everyone should have a chance to prove themselves and better their lives. He seems to be romantically entangled with Hollond, it’s up to you whether you join their little romance or leave them to be alone together.

"“The male before you was large, tall, and anything but scrawny. His silver, nearly white eyes, scanned you up and down as he looked to your arrogant companion with a slight smile. A curl of his plump lips, one thick eyebrow raised up above the other. His skin was a red-hued, mocha color with dark locks of deep green shaved at the sides of his head and braided down the middle of his skull. He flashed a smile of sharp canines and grey gums. He wasn’t handsome by any means, but there was an attractive kindness in his eyes as they returned to yours and held out his large hand. Putting your smaller hand in his, yours was engulfed in a warm, friendly shake. He bowed at an angle to better look at you and you could spot a constellation of freckles spread across his high, sharp cheekbones and curved ]no doubt previously broken] nose. His pointed ears twitched happily as he looked you in the eyes, “Nice to meet you $!{name}! My name is Galeon, but please– call me, Gale. I hope Hollond hasn’t cause you too much distress?” He flashed an affectionate but scolding glance at your companion who huffed in annoyance.”** – Physical description taken from not yet posted update

[Semi WIP]

Nanami “Nanners” Yoh - Playersexual | female | monogamy

One of the more happy-go-lucky people in this realm, Nanami takes a liking to our poor MC. She could be described as the instant-connection-bestfriend-that-everyone-loves, but how you respond to her is purely up to you.

“She stood there, still and unmoving. Her eyes, a curious, pale yellow, honed in on your own eyes. A gleeful smile perched on her plump lips, drawing her rounded cheeks back to show off adorable dimples. Her hair, a deep indigo color, curled around her head and shoulders in tight corkscrews. She was rather plump, her figure curvy and – dare you say – huggable. She brought a pale, orange hued hand to her cheek, cupping it as she beamed an even brighter smile at you from where she stood in the doorway. Her skin looked soft and youthful, a darker yellow blush crossing her cheeks and the bridge of her nose in an almost comical fashion. She was about average height. Five feet, ten inches and was more than happy to move towards you in a happy scamper towards you. She pressed her form against yours in a happy hug with a bright, “Hello! I’m Nanami! What’s your name?” And gave you head tilt and curious, slow blink of her pale eyes.” – Physical description taken from not yet posted update

[incredible WIP]

Questions and Information

Why can’t I romance Galeon and Hollond separately?

Because they are in an ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP, which means the MC will not be allowed to break them up. They’ve been a couple long before this story was made and they will remain a couple. The MC however, can join their duo and form a trio if you can build a strong enough relationship with both of them.

I hate {insert character here}!!!

I’m sorry you feel that way. Please tell me what you don’t like about them and I’ll see if I can fix them. However, if this about Hollond being an arse, Galeon being a pushover, or Nanami being… well Nanami – well then I’m sorry to say but there won’t be many changes to their characters. They will have character development as they go, so bear with them through their individual journeys and then come to me with complains.

I want so-and-so as a RO! Can they please be an RO?

Sure! Well… Maybe. Let me see if I can work their character into the story and better develop them and then we’ll talk.

Plot holes! Plot holes and bad development everywhere!

Sorry! This is my first story and that’s my excuse! No, but for real, I’ll fill them in with maybe a character interaction scene or something with character development or story development. Maybe a flashback for MC’s history? But, if there’s something you’d like to see, do let me know!

Do you have any direction with this story?

YES! And no – You see I have major points established, some character scenes, fillers, and part of chapter one done. The overall idea is finding your way home, finding your uncle [up to the player], and establishing both romantic and platonic relationships. The story will have direction, I just ask that you bear with me and give me some helpful feedback as we progress in this journey together.

You… mention Hollond [and Galeon] a lot…???

Yeah. Yeah, I do. I love them, they’re my OC --so is Galeon but I digress-- [I hate to phrase it like that but it is what it is–], longest written for and drawn character, most established, and simply my brain child. Let me be clear however, the MC is the main character so do ignore my favoritism outside of the writing/written story. Inside the story, the MC is my favorite.

Current Fixes and Updates
  • Fixed broken stats screen, misplaced code, and typos
  • Revised some spacing and working on separating some of the longer ‘pages’ into shorter ones.
  • Added part of chapter 1 [will be revised, and potentially rewritten]
  • Added chapter after last choice selection, there should be no more ‘bad label’ errors anymore. :slight_smile:
  • Added physical descriptions to the Romance Options spoiler. They are blurred out for those of you who do not want to know what they look like yet. [8/14/18]
  • Fixed typos adding more depth to the MC, spaced out paragraphs and broke them up more.

Current Demo



Big Ol’ Thank You to those who have taken the time to read what I have currently written, and for providing support and letting me know what you think so far! Thank you!

Update on mobile–

The next update [and so on] should be soon, but with school starting up and having to work part time alongside some irl issues, I may have to delay the next update or just finish all of chapter one and post the whole thing at a later point.

55 Likes

Hey, beginning is very promising, I will be waiting more. Especially poly-romance with already established couple. :grin:
Hope MC’s past and family won’t be totally forgotten as usual in crossworld stories.

Also some typos and stuff

Stat screen breaks the game


1 Like

I’m glad you like it so far! I’ve fixed the errors [or so it seems], so the stats screen should work now.
I’m pretty excited to expand the poly romance, I won’t lie.

The MC’s past will definitely not be forgotten [and expanded on further]! :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Really liking everything so far and how relationship aren’t taking a backseat to skills. Also Nanami seems to be my favorite, love the happy go lucky romances. Poly romance isn’t really my thing and it’s good it’s there for people who want it, but I’m happy she’s monogamous.

1 Like

I’m glad you like it so far! I’m planning to add another monogamous romance to even things out a bit more but we’ll see. So far I’m more focused on making Nanami more believable and make sure she’s well liked by others [when she finally appears] before I add another character into the midst.

I’m extremely happy she’s your favorite so far! I hope I can do her justice without forcing the happy-go-lucky too much. I’d hate to ruin her character for people.

Thanks for reading and checking this out!

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How soon will she appear in the game?

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Hmm, I’d say very soon. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say early chapter one [not counting what’s already there] and/or within the next chapter 1 update. She’ll be the second character to appear for sure.

Yay!
tenor

So could we begin flirting pretty early with her and also the other characters?

1 Like

Nanami will be the first character you can flirt with [if everything I’ve planned goes correctly]! Nanami will be a slow burn but more happy and light hearted so flirting will be somewhat constant compared to the other two. lol

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Loving your demo so far only stumbled on a error

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How slow we talking? Like no kissing, banging, and most importantly cuddling until the end of the story or close to the middle of the story.

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@syd969 Ah, neutral and friendly are being re-written [as we speak actually]. So I’ll fix that real soon!
Thanks for reading what’s there so far [sorry for the abrupt stop mid-reading]!

@No_This_Is_Patrick Probably not that late for Nanami, she’ll be near the middle but a smidge earlier depending on her relationship status. Cuddle and kissing wise will be earlier in the story. Meanwhile Hollond and Galeon will be direct middle or late in the story depending on how high one’s relationship with them is.

3 Likes

I’m loving her even more. Also could we get a physical description of the romances?

1 Like

Of course! I’ll add their physical descriptions up above [and of course when they show up in the story].
I warn you, however, my describing skills can be a bit lacking, sorry in advance!

2 Likes

You did a pretty good job so far and can’t wait for more updates.

1 Like

Well, that’s mighty kind of you to say! Thank you! [and updates should be rather soon due to having some parts complete enough to update for now.]

EDIT: Finished up the last reaction answers in chapter 1, I will now start finishing the next bit of chapter 1.

EDIT 2: Added physical descriptions of the characters to the first post, they contain minor spoilers on how the characters are introduced. @No_This_Is_Patrick

3 Likes

Not much to speak on at the moment. I can say that the RO’s don’t appeal to me. I always play as a straight guy so there’s really only one option, but I’d like the MC to be a little less of a pushover. Other than that it’s definitely intriguing.

2 Likes

Tiny typo? (sorry for the big screenshot)

Did you mean ‘tone or shade’ ?

1 Like

@MIGSey I did indeed mean tone! Thank you for finding that, I’ll fix it ASAP

EDIT: Fixed the small typo, let me know if you find anymore!

@Robert_Snead Thank you for letting me know what you think. The MC will probably be re-worked to better suit the situation and I’ll probably add more romance options soon. I just want to get the three I have now introduced and fixed into the current story. If you have an idea on what type of RO you’d like to see/or have added please let me know !

Also, I’d like to know how you would respond if you were in the MC’s position? Maybe then I can add more fire to their soul and make them less of a pushover? :slight_smile:

1 Like

Loving the game and I honestly can’t wait for more but I would like to advise on just two things that I’ve noticed.

The paragraphs are too long, maybe break them down a bit. When paragraphs are too long it makes you want to skip it since it’s a lot of text.

And more pagebreaks, believe me they’ve saved my life. In my opinion each page is too long, and that’s okay sometimes, your game just seems to have too many of them.

I can’t formulate much since the game is still petty short but I can tell you have passion and ambition towards this game. So keep at it! You’re doing great.