Trails Lead Home [Minor update: 9/9/18] [Temporary Hiatus as of 9/20/18]

Thank you for the advice and for reading! I’ll go through and add more page breaks in [I’d hate to overwhelm people] and break up the paragraphs. :slight_smile:

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I didn’t want to come off as unenthusiastic about your work, because quite frankly I’m looking forward to it. I’d be just as timid during the transition into a new world. It’s just his cousins that rubbed me the wrong way. If two of them are open about their dislike of me, then at least let me do the same. As for a romance I’d like…? Someone with flaws and depth. I just can’t see someone being so positive 24/7. Regardless, I’ll love to see where you take this.

@Robert_Snead

Oh, you didn’t come off as unenthusiastic at all! I appreciated the feedback! [I had honestly thought you were talking about the MC’s later interaction which were also lacking response towards obvious disdain]

As for the cousins, I can [and am going to] add more depth to that and better MC interaction. I won’t lie, reading through it again, I found the MC’s response to the cousins was pretty unreal and flat. Too timid for such a situation, the MC needs to fire back a bit, haha!

Regarding romance, I’ll keep that in mind. I won’t make Nanami too happy 24/7 but I can agree she’d be more happy than a normal person would be no matter how optimistic and positive.

So with that in mind, I’ve been thinking up another character to romance, probably cannon female or have a vague gender and then figure out a male romance or two to even it out. The female will be more wary and have more depth [I hope].

Hmm, I won’t try to reveal too much [as I probably already have, oops] about the new character-- :slight_smile:

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I quiet enjoyed the game it’s really interesting :grin:

Just one thing about your writing: I don’t know if it’s just me, (as there isn’t another one ‘compaining’ about this it could very well just be me), but at some points I had a hard time following the story. It felt like you jumped at some places. Again could just be me.

So anyway I found a few things so here we go (not in order):

bottom_part_also_thick !
Shouldn’t the bottom part also be thick?

code_break_free
The code tries to break free. ^^

explode%20always%20out
Don’t explosions always go ‘out’? It would have to implode to go ‘in’, right?

missing
You’re missing a space.

how%20dow%20we%20know%20without%20touching
How do we know how it feels? Maybe it seems rubbery.

shouldnt%20be%20is
Isn’t that the wrong tense?

seems_strange_as_i_said%20not%20very%20close
I said that me and my uncle weren’t that close so it’s a bit strange now that he seems to care so much about me.

I hope to see more of your writing :wink:

Oh gosh, look at all of those, I’ll get those fixed [especially the continuity error with your uncle’s relationship] ASAP. Oh, as for the jumping around [whoops, probably should have checked over this way more ^^;] A friend pointed it out to me and I must have forgotten to fix that and kept skimming over it when I had fixed other mistakes. Thank you for pointing that out [taking the time to read] and reminding me, that definitely needs to be fixed. :smiley:

EDIT: Okay, fixed all those mistakes and removed the lines; “Maybe your uncle, no matter how…”, and “or you needed help” from the story to give it less affection [and be more vague] towards the MC’s relationship with their Uncle no matter what you chose. Working on the continuity errors, but until then please let me know if there is anything else that needs to be fixed/changed! :slight_smile:

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It’s interesting can’t wait for more

Thank you for reading! I’m glad you found it interesting! :slight_smile:

Sorry, another random comment [deleted previous comment and laced it in first post]–

I’ve re-written the introduction and will be re-writing the first bit of the first chapter as I am not pleased with it. If you have the time, let me know what you think of it and which version [old or new] you prefer!

I think the new introduction does a better job at setting up the characters and their personalities overall. I also love that you added an option to shut the two douchebag cousins up (they had it coming). I have one question though, is this game set in an alternate world? If not, then what time period is it set in? The names and the way the characters refer to each other as ‘cousin’ or ‘sibling’ gives off a 18th/19th century vibe, but then again the clothing and the writing at times seems to imply a more modern era.

It’s too early for me to provide any more useful feedback other than that I really like what you have so far. I’ll be on the lookout for future updates!

I’m glad the new introduction seems to have done a better job overall! Thank you for reading and letting me know! :slight_smile:

Regarding how characters refer to one another, their names and how they dress; everything is in a weird alternate timeline where older ways of speaking and doing certain things are still common in the modern [21st] century. Such as, calling someone their sibling more often than brother or sister, or referring to parents as mother and/or father over mom and/or dad.

Familial ties are often similar to the 18th and 19th century [or at the very least what I think familial ties were like]. They are also more… prude? – about certain things and arranged marriage are more common in this world.

For example; MC could TECHNICALLY be married off to another ‘high class’ male/female/other by their Uncle and/or oldest cousin due to them being the figurehead of the family. MC could also be forced from the family should they be part of a scandal or bring some form of embarrassment to the family.

Example; their mother’s [yet to be revealed] ‘scandal’ could get them banished [so to speak] from the family.

[This is something I probably should have specified, I’ll have to note this somewhere-- Anyway, I hope this cleared up your question? If not let me know!]

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As long as i am not forced into any relationships and forced to be nice to everybody i meet plus the stats how will they be used. Stealth Coercion Magic how will you build them up.

No, you will not be forced into any relationships [romantic or platonic], but they do help in the future. You will also get the chance to be rude, indifferent or just ignore other characters should you not like them.

Please note the stats will probably change as the story goes on. but for now–

Stealth will be built up depending on how you can maneuver through certain situations [plus the obvious literal sneaking], there will also be chances to learn the skill from other characters should you choose but it will sometimes depend on how you respond to them or how much you pay them.

Coercion [using is as an umbrella term for now] will be built up in various situations that will require persuasion and occasionally telling a lie. You will have chances to lie to other characters in various situations to build up the skills and check points during major ‘quests’ in which you will need a certain level to pass should you choose that route.

Magic will be a fully learned skill. The first time you can learn will be from one of the ROs who will teach you the basics regardless of how you respond to them. After that, you can choose not to learn any magic or practice and learn more about it. Magic will help during battles or for healing depending on how good you are at this skill.

Like with Coercion, there will be checkpoints in which these may be available for you to select IF you have a high enough skill.

[I believe this answers your questions but please let me know if it doesn’t! :slight_smile: ]

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Thank you for the info my good man i will keep a eye on this game.

I just finished reading this demo, it’s really good so far. I like the way you describe the MC’s past with their uncle and cousins.

Why thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it! :slight_smile:

//Putting this on temporary hiatus while I tweak some things, fix the stats, make a character creator that isn’t janky and [once again] re-write chapter one –

– The current Demo has a small update that includes, re-written chapter one [soon to be changed again] and part of character creator [if I remember correctly].

Thank you for your patience! <3

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