Decided to replay the first chapter one more time to go on an additional hunt for typos and the like! I’ll be sending them to you on discord, since I still can’t post pictures.
Edit!: Ok ok! So finished with the demo for now! Wowie!
First, the characters (also marking as spoiler just in case: We’ve only met a few characters, two of which so far are still unnamed at least to us, since they didn’t introduce themselves. I also met Mars, whom I personally find interesting. Judging from the stat menu, Mars is interested in my potential too, so can’t complain her. Julia is an absolute sweetheart, sure a bit high maintenance with all that energy, but she’s nice and I mean my MC couldn’t ask for a better roommate at all. Uh, LAwrence, ah yes, I don’t know what his problem is, but I’m not all too fond of him, especially when he seemed to have a bad day and I tried being nice to him. I quite loved the little girl and being able to interact with her! It was absolutely endearing, actually! I also quite liked the svelte stranger who decided to run off after I asked about the woman, consider me positively dashed by him.
Next, plot: The plot so far is interesting and enough to keep one interested. I for sure am interested. I especially liked the scene with the new park president, who’s name I forgot because I’m not good with names most of the time, more so because there we could talk about things we liked and continue to build our MC to the way they were intended to be. Also!! The scene with the screaming woman that nobody seemed to notice was interesting, like holy heck, you got me hooked, because now I sure as hell want to figure out what the mystery is. I’m also looking forward to seeing what happens to MC now that they’ve lost their key and are going back to the theme park while it’s dark- Spoky time~~
Pacing and writing style: As before I still REALLY love your writing style, it’s immersive, clear and to the point, while giving us enough information to let our imagination wander and get sucked into the story. The information/descriptions you provide are coherent, easy to follow, and absolutely aesthetically pleasing to read. You wrote paragraphs that seemed neither too long nor too short, which is notable, since it makes the story easier and more enjoyable to read. You didn’t overuse any adjectives, which adds interest and clarity to your writing. Uh, that’s all I can think of so far!
As for pacing, just as excellent as the first chapter!
All in all I’m certainly looking forward to more of your work. :3