Really enjoying the demo so far — the setting is unique and the choices feel impactful. A couple spots felt a bit unclear, but overall it’s smooth. Looking forward to seeing where the throne of hell story goes!
Also Read: SIM No Signal Issue
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For the MCs customisation, how about Blue skin.
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And Icicle horns.
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Wow… this was a really great read! Everything felt impactful and vibrant. Kingdom building, murder mystery, good customization and options for people that want to play the MC’s with their own flavor or style.
There was the rare spelling or grammar issue, but nothing that was too egregious… the story flows nicely… loved our companions and how they very much so feel like organic parts of the story experiencing things with us, and they aren’t just window dressing or an afterthought.
I’m quite enamored with our mischievous shape shifting friend, curious to see how the romance angle plays out, but all in all I’m really excited to read the next bit when it comes out! Really excellent work here!
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To Reign in Hell reminds me of a story I read many years ago, at the outset of the present IF golden age. Its primordial bones gave inspiration and form to the countless stories that would follow. I speak, of course, about Demon’s / Rogue’s / Wizard’s Choice. To say that this story fills in a long-forsaken, gaping hole left in the wake of that saga is the highest praise I can offer. While stories sometimes broach analogues of the afterlife, those that place the exploration and adventures of a hellish realm with a bespoke MC at centre stage are few and far between. I really hope you take this idea and run with it (read: longer length!), because it is positively bursting at the seams with potential. A work like To Reign in Hell has been a long time coming, and I can’t wait to see what comes of it!
Let me put on Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia by Dimmu Borgir before I continue. Aside from what is, in my opinion, the brilliant decision to involve the political aspect of demonic power struggles, the seeming predicament of the Demon Queen reminds me quite so of Alushinyrra and Nocticula, respectively, from the Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous video game: a fact which couldn’t make me happier. Now, I will take this opportunity to segue into constructive criticism. Some of this comes down to personal taste and may not jive with your vision. Nonetheless, I hope it is of value to you.
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Morality
To use standard DnD jargon, the Hell depicted in this work seems to meld the contractual lawfare of lawful evil (LE) devils situated in a realm of demons where chaotic evil (CE) beings can freely impose the natural law of might is right. A deep dive into worldbuilding is not always necessary to craft a satisfying IF story, but I find that the idiosyncrasy of this blend of LE and CE produces a degree of uncertainty about what norms to expect in this imagining of Hell. I bring this up not because it is a fundamental problem, but because I suspect it may have to do with the next point. -
Being Evil
Someone who ends up in Hell was not a good person in their mortal life. After drifting down Acheron, the weak are tormented and exploited while the strong commit further atrocities to ensure they do not suffer the same fate. Both are liable to undergo further transformation to their form and psyche as a simple course of their tribulations. Their vilest qualities come to colour their whole existence. They become demons.The story makes many early references to demons whose forms come to resemble their sin(s). Unfortunately, I did not get this same feeling from how they behaved. This applies to all characters alike. From one-off side characters to major antagonists and companions, it felt more like I was told of what they were like, rather than shown through their actions. Actions that should be frequently deplorable. To be fair to you, I think a large part of this lies with pacing.
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Pacing and Companions
In Hell, Evil is the way of life. It is necessary. It is indulgence. Doing otherwise isn’t just a luxury. It’s antithetical. One can argue that the MC, being an Archdemon, is privy to such luxury. But the decision should feel costly, foolish, and anathema to success in a dog-eat-dog world. The choices hitherto have not given me this impression, and indeed, the characters have also seemed less cruel, malicious and spiteful than I would expect of demons. My companions should feel more like temporary allies with convergent interests, who I cannot trust won’t stab me in the back at a moment’s notice. The streets ought to be festooned with garish festivals of suffering and depravity, their Archdemon rulers given to bouts of madness and rage.None of these things HAVE to be this way. It’s your story. However, I think dedicating more time to establishing the setting and culture of Hell would greatly serve the story. Just exactly why am I forced to take a bodyguard I never elected for, despite being an ostensibly powerful Archdemon? How come the Archivist is so trusting of me - does honour really count for that much in Hell? Why would an enduring chameleon suddenly change what’s worked for them for aeons to throw in with me? What exactly makes each of the antagonists/factions so formidable? Adding more exposition between the first chapter and the masque at the Coil would go a long way to addressing this matter.
With all that said, I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read so far, and it’s precisely that I care to see it reach its potential that I’ve written all the above. Whatever the case, I will be eagerly following the development 
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@shrimpwich and @meflon thank you for the kind words! Writing can be lonely and knowing people are enjoying the work helps when I’m trying to hit my daily and weekly wordcount targets.
@GuyIncognito Blue skin’s a classic, I’ll stick it in. Though we can’t have every color. I won’t add icicle horns for throne-related reasons (as some players will have seen your choice of throne in Ch2 is potentially more wide-reaching than it initially appears…)
@Lorathil Thank you! Some fair criticisms there.
Adding the right level of exposition about the factions is fairly tricky and it’s been adjusted more than once already. I can see it changing again before the game’s final release. It’s similar with NPCs; there’s a level of quick on-boarding but hopefully players can judge them more by their actions (and nudge their personal arc a little, for some) as the game goes on.
It’s fair to say that at time the MC is kinda ‘forced’ to have a relationship with key NPCs; I may add more options to have them question/mistrust (or value) their companions, or force Shrike to sign a pact so she can be ‘trusted’ (which happens to the other myrmidons, if you spent chapter 2 securing their loyalty). And who knows, NPCs may betray the MC down the line…
The right ‘level’ of evil is a tricky thing. Too much and it limits what sort of characters and relationships you can have, too little and the game is not living up to its title. There’s also the issue of personal tastes; I really want to offer ample evil options but I know most players don’t want to be evil (especially on the first playthrough).This is even trickier with the factions; they all need something to recommend them and something questionable about them.
Spoiler
The stated aims of the Chorus and Masqued are benign, but their methods are questionable. Does the ends justify the means? Is the road to hell paved with good intentions?
That said, I probably do need to dial up the evil slightly.The nature of Choicescript and the house style means generally options can’t reward you more or less than others in mechanical terms, but there are still ways for me to play with themes of sacrificing power for morality (and vice versa).
I will say that you’ve made a very reasonable assumption – that mortal souls are in hell because they did evil things in life – that is not technically true for this setting. That does beg the question that if these people aren’t ontologically evil, why does hell suck? I intend to explore these questions before the game is over.
I also think some of the NPCs are more immoral than they may appear, especially when contrasted with characters like Rangdan, Drekavac and Raum (who are more obviously, even performatively, cruel).
Spoilers
For example, the Archivist. He’s honorable and loyal to the MC (more or less eagerly based on his approval). He’s never cruel or malicious, seems to genuinely treat the scribes under his care well and almost always disapproves when the MC chooses to be needlessly violent.
But he’s complicit. He’s provided a civil service to tyrants and notarized some rather nasty pacts. You’ve heard the Tutu quote: ‘If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.’ That’s the kind of sin Archie is guilty of, and it’s the kind of evil that’s both easy to miss and also, well, perhaps a bit more relatable. I don’t think he’s entirely irredemeeable – important for players on a kinder route – and a part of his position is a moral fatigue, but it’s something I keep in mind.
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I’m really enjoyed the cursed ambiance throughout the game. There’s a surprising amount of networking in hell!
I’m playing as a faction “neutral” Equerry (haven’t picked anybody to support yet, but leaning heavily toward the Margrave, or trying to get the Margrave to support me - if he’s in charge, I’d hope he’d let me temper with occasional exceptions to rules; if I’m in charge, I’d expect him to keep the balance and occasionally push back if I’m leaning too far one way or another) and I’ve really enjoyed talking with the Margrave, “Archie”, and weirdly enough, Kruach.
As soon as I learned fallen angels were a thing, I kept telling myself “Don’t play to type, don’t play to type” but after saving the angel that attacked me, and after playing punching bag to solve a murder… yeah, “Fell out of sympathy” was the obvious backstory for my MC.
I ran into two teeny-tiny bugs from the Gaol:
*if (equerry) […] “The Margrave and Equerry $!{pc_name} are often the lucky demons sent when there is nobody with the expertise and experience to resolve a problem.” (This appears before naming the MC - though “The Equerry Undetermined” does have an oddly interesting ring to it?
Also, on the bucket brigade, after failing to convince the prisoners to help, I had the passage, “There is something in you that does not bend or break. A stubbornness, a strength of will that has let you endure what no other could. These prisoners are not like you. They are at their limit.” - the guards and Argoz were helping me, but the prisoners were still imprisoned.
Other than that, in chapter 4, meeting Acantha
I wound up checking the code because I couldn’t tell the difference from the options to greet her
- “…diplomatically and formally. Regardless of any personal feelings, it’s the right thing to do.”
- “…respectfully. I am not her friend, but why go out of my way to antagonize her?”
And while the stat indicators helped greatly, I’m still having trouble thinking of a “devious” option as ever being “respectful.”
From the wording, I had thought it would be a neutral option. Something like, “… with the barest amount of respect,” or the omission of “why go out of my way to antagonize her” might make the distinction between the emotional context of both options more clear.
I’m already hooked and looking forward to finding how much I can accidentally make my Equerry’s life harder! …Which is also a weird feeling to have, but there is a sort of cheerful fatalism to it. It is Hell, after all.
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@R1220 Thank you! Bugs/errors in text that only appears for MC of a specific background/who made a specific choice are often the hardest/last to catch for fairly obvious reasons. I’ve fixed those my end. As they’re not gamebreaking, I won’t push an update just yet. Also played around a little with the wording of that choice in early chapter 4.
I can promise the cursed ambience, networking and ways to make your life more difficult will continue in chapter 5 and 6. I intend to post those here once they’re drafted and approved. Realistically that will proabbly be in November, though I’d love a Halloween release.
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Great world building, feel ownership over the OC. The characters are all great, feel really distinct and interesting. Yet, at certain points, it felt like the main ROs were only there as sidekicks, maybe you could dedicate more time to them? Still, this is a very addictive and compelling read, with an excellent plot.
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@judy Extremely fair note (and thank you for the compliments). I may come back and integrate them more after the full game is drafted, though in many ways chapter 1-4 is the MC’s story/introduction to the world. The next chapter(s) will feature some longer ‘sidequests’ for the main ROs (and the option for the actual romances to start, though some are slow burn). Some of their personal stories will weave into the main plot at key moments in chapters 7 onwards.
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Does anyone in Hell know of the MCs past or have their memories been altered?
Other demons would not have had their memories altered, but the PC was not ‘famous’ prior to becoming Carnifex/Claviger/Equerry/Legate/Maven/Seneschal. This may come up later, we’ll see where the writing takes me.
On a semi-related note, watch this space. A hefty update is imminent…
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Can’t wait, one of the best WIPs
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Here’s the promised update.
- Two new chapters! Over 90k words between ‘em. Fair bit of branching, some romances start and some tricky choices for you to enjoy.
- One or two characters have been renamed due to names being too similar. These are characters who have not directly appeared.
- A ‘journal’ function on the stat page. Very experimental and likely to be cut. I suspect there will be bugs and typos as it was annoying to code and hard to check. Probably not a useful feature for anyone here but intended more for players who take breaks mid-play to help them to remember things a little. Interested in your thoughts as well as your corrections.
- Minimal changes to previous chapters; more may come after beta testing but the focus right is on getting a finished draft.
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My fav WIP ever 
Just finished the new chapter. Just a note: at the end, I chose to control the behemoth using the sympathy check. After passing, the second to last paragraph before the demo ends says:
“No doubt undetermined will be disappointed. You may yet be able to force them to work for you; do they truly wish to stand against the behemoth?”
(P.S This is just me making a suggestion or being a bit picky, but I do wish there was a way at the end to tell the behemoth not to destroy the camp/bide its time or some less destructive option, but I get if that would branch out too far.)
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Thank you! I have fixed the error; ‘undetermined’ should have been the faction you initially sided with.
In all options were the behemoth is freed it makes a big mess (and there will be repercussions for it); I don’t want the choice to have an objectively ‘best’ or ’optimal’ solution. Biding its time is interesting, however. I promise nothing but I’ll think on that one.
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Was Ash skin intentionally taken out or was that a glitch?
Just read for the first time, honestly such as cool story and love the fact that my mc is a badass!
Quick question that may be stupid but is bending the behemoth to your will evil? and will we be able to become an angel again if its the chosen background?
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@GuyIncognito I honestly don’t remember cutting that… Might swap a few around, there’s a lot of skin options.
@Ty1 I don’t track good or evil in this game, despite there being some fairly heroic and extremely villainous options, and I do like the keep the waters muddy in places. As an author of a game built on player choice, I think the single worst thing I can ever do is say ‘OK, but this is the correct choice though’, within and even outside of the game itself. The best choice is the one your character makes if it makes sense for them.
The behemoth choice is very much intended to be one of those muddy places, with no outright perfect ‘good’ option. You can make a case that bending the behemoth to your will has upsides beyond ‘more power for me’; this way it’s not being controlled by one of the factions, it’s no longer imprisoned and hopefully with you steering it the behemoth won’t go on a rampage. Using Silver Tongue gives you a kinder way to do it, too (though I will argue that you could easily describe this approach as ‘manipulative’).
Out of character, though, I feel that bending a sapient being to your will is fundamentally an immoral and selfish act, even when done for a good reason and if you do it nicely. Of course, the alternatives aren’t perfect either. An MC can absolutely choose this option with the best of intentions. You know what they say about where a road paved with good intentions leads…
On the angel question I don’t want to spoil anything (and the next chapters are mostly unwritten and subject to change) but ‘sort of but not exactly’. Fallen players will be able to reassume their angelic forms on one very particular route and any player can side with heaven and broker peace. There will be tough choices and compromises to be made on those routes, however.
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This was such a difficult choice for me because all of the alternatives imo were worse for the behemoth; I hope it wasn’t a dumb choice to bend their will haha.
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