The Veiled Star — I. (WIP)

The Starborn, Sunborn, and Moonborn, children of the wild blue yonder. Hunted, wanted dead. But why?

By the tales, you three are someones who were waited for since ancient times, when Delys’ nations were at war. They believed you could save them from despair; from the anger of the Red God.

Now you are being chased by the Eye of the Rising Sun, an organization that desperately wants you dead. You would believe that the Red God already has his pawns, however, you can’t help but feel that there is more to this story.

The void within you answers to your thoughts, longing for something that is waiting to be claimed.

FEATURES
  • play as male, female or non-binary [separate from pronouns, pronouns are customizable]
  • customize your MC [hair, skin tone, tattoos, freckles, piercings, personality, and many more!]
  • detailed world-building: explore the eight kingdoms of Delys and its secrets on your journey
  • make friends or enemies along the way
  • what’s your fighting style? how connected are you with your magic?
  • two gender-selectable [male, female, non-binary] and two gender-locked ROs [male and female], potential poly route and no-romance route
  • take the first steps towards being a savior… or a villain?
ROs

THE MOONBORN — K ARCHER (m/f/nb)

[omniromantic asexual, romancable by any MC]

some nights, they fall onto their knees beside their bed, praying for a road to walk on. murmuring their mistakes, the bleeding hearts they tore apart, begging for forgiveness.

they aren’t the same anymore, everyone knows that, but you don’t. you saw just one side of the moon.

and so did them.

The distance didn’t seem to stop them from rekindling the friendship you had once. They are very eager to get to know the new you, however, they don’t reciprocate with the same enthusiasm if you are the one asking the questions. They are keeping you at arm’s length, holding in something that causes that pain in their eyes.

THE SUNBORN — H ARCHER (m/f/nb)

[biromantic demisexual, romanceable by any MC]

even if healed, the memories are as sharp as a blade, glinting in the sun. the metal is hot, the light too intense, the iron is bending.

but to what form?

finally, they step out of the light, watching two shapes from afar.

a hand sits on their shoulder. no glance is needed, they know her touch.

a silent promise blooms beside their heart. “the sun will raise it strong.”

The scar on their face carries a story, an unfamiliar one, at least to you. They absentmindedly run their fingers across on it with a determinant expression, their mind set on an uncharted goal they plan on achieving, but there’s one thing they didn’t anticipate, and that is you.

THE LIAR — NELLIE OSBORN (f)

[queer/doesn’t use labels, romanceable by female or non-binary MCs]

bloodline is dutiful, every step she takes is for the sake of it.

the words she speaks are old like a dusty vinyl record, however, now a beat is missing from the melody that awakes a question inside of her; long known, but never heard.

she grips the record, hiding it in a drawer. afraid of it, but never disposing of it.

it waits for her.

She went searching but wasn’t looking for you, however, you stumbled in her way. She didn’t know you would be a mirror to her, making her reflect on her life, on what she wanted. It’s time to take a step back and hold your hand, finally accepting the life that was given to her.

THE NOMAD — VANCE PERALTA (m)

[pansexual, romancable by any MC]

the past always stays with him, chaining his resentment to himself — it’s a burden that survival craves.

only he has the key to free himself, but it unlocks a cage too; an ornated one. for him, there is no treasure, but he knows it should be open.

cursing under his breath, he wishes upon the sky.

He was sent to aid you three, yet you can’t help but feel that some ulterior motives also play in the picture. He notices more he lets on; says less he actually thinks and probably knows more than he should. It’s all a game to him, and you cannot win if he is the card dealer.

DEMO || TUMBLR

195 Likes

Oh my god I was waiting for this! And what a nice surprise, I was certain it would be made on twine!
Going to play right away!

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There’s a bit of problem there but I a currently solving it!!! lol im so sorry

thank you!! <3

Muehehehehe, new demo :slight_smile:

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I am honestly not sure the demo link works or my phone is tricking me haha. If you have any issues pls tell me!

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Link works for me

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i have to do a complete run but so far, i’m liking what i see.

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Okay then, played through it, and it seems just as interesting as the premises appeared to be!
I won’t be able to comment much on the story for now though, since it’s only the start - I need like, one more chapter I think, until I can give satisfactory feedback.

In the meantime though, I can report issues or questions I had!

Nickname selection:

Wouldn’t it be easier to make a “Do you have a nickname?” choice, with only Yes/No as answers, and IF the player selects “Yes”, then only ask to input a nickname? :thinking:
That way, people who don’t want one wouldn’t have to input the name.

"srs", "hj", "gen":

I’m so confused by these added after some choice options. I guess they refer to the tone, but I’m not sure what they mean. I guess srs is serious, but for the others I don’t know? Using the full words wouldn’t necessarily be bad, I think - and it would make it clearer :thinking:

In the clinic:

starring straight at you for a long moment
That would be “staring”.

Same scene:

Dr. Forbes is searching for people like you in your condition.
That one is confusing. I don’t know if they meant to say “with your condition”, or simply “for people like you” or “with eyes like yours”, or something?

When Lucille explains the eye colors:

She says MC’s eyes are opaque, ressembling the stars, but it seems a bit weird to use that word, no? Opaque refers to non-transparent things, so it’s a bit strange. Judging by the very first description of MC’s eyes, maybe it was meant to be opaline?

Okay, I think that’s it. I spotted some sentences that may have been a bit wrong here and there, but I’m not a native English speaker either, so I prefer to leave these to people who speak more fluently than me.

9 Likes

Oooh, the demo looks really cool! Though, one problem- when you choose the option to enter in your own pronouns, it doesn’t give you an option to enter your own reflexive pronouns. It just gives you an example of a reflexive pronoun then skips to asking how the pronouns work.

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Thank you for your feedback! I will definitely look into these tomorrow <3

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Thank you for the notice! Tomorrow, I will try to solve it <𝟹

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this is interesting! i dont have an opinion as yet. ill wait till more is released.

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Sounds interesting

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i have yet to finish the demo but i would have to say, this blew me away. would the options to have feelings for someone but not know what it is carry on to the other ros or is it just on k’s? i am excited to play a dense mc

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Nice demo. Too short for full judgement, but I liked the writing enough to keep going. I feel like the premise has some potential :slight_smile:

The dialogue indicators (srs, hj, gen, neg) also confused me. Maybe you could add an option to toggle it on and off in the beginning and in the stats menu?

For Firefox users, might wanna play the demo on incognito mode. There’s a chance that you’ll get an error prompt that says ‘too much recursion’, but you won’t get it if you play in incognito. Probably something to do with code and caches.

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I am on mobile and use Firefox, I get the 'too much recursion message regularly on the chose pronouns and end prologue button. Tried in incognito mode as well still got the message, the message seems to pop up at random on the pronoun selection but everytime on the end prologue button.

What I have read so far has be intrigued.

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That’s really odd. I just did a run on Firefox mobile’s incognito (I first played on desktop) and the error didn’t appear at all. Maybe we need to wait for a bug fix update.

thank you so much! and yes, it will be an option! haha, I’m a sucker for an oblivious MC

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Does it end after the end prologue button?

Just wondering how much i am missing if any?

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