You might consider putting this at the beginning of your story — some do not read every post (or even the first) in a thread.
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damn I didnt realize it was a bug lol. Props to you for finding it and fixing it.
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The importance of reading the tread and interacting with the author is definitely a lesson I learned the hard way.
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Update 7/16/20 +2,000 words added
This is a small update, as I have been going through a recent writing block. I decided to divert some of my attention from writing to coding, and came up with the character creator overview. A small paragraph of text will play out based on your choices prior to continuing. It’s completely immersive, so no more stats blasting into your face. I also had to do a considerable amount of reworking the character race so that mixed race options were implemented better.
Example of Character Creator
Creating my character:
And the results:
And if you think the last part was hard to do, here’s the jumbled mess it resulted in.
Patch Notes
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Added a content warning. The story doesn’t hold back, so hopefully those who were expecting it to won’t be shocked at certain events.
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Reworked the race selection for future and current implementation.
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CH1_Apt: Add a character appearance overview after character creation for the character creator achievements.
I’m currently writing this post right before I start writing again on more story content. Now that I have the basis set for the player’s appearance too, I can add an overview in the Player Bio section of the stats screen. That will likely come later though. Well, either that, or I’ll save it for another day of writer’s block. 
13 Likes
This update will take a bit longer than others due to me having to get stuff squared away with future plot threads. However, on the side I have started on some achievements. Due to the program I use, they can’t be implemented until I’m actually fully finished, but they do work, and they will be linked to the seventh unlockable quirk.
If you’ve played the current alpha, you might know what this achievement would be linked to. Incidentally, I didn’t intend for there to be TWO Jeffery Dean Morgan cameos, but…
oops.
Don’t worry, not all of the achievements will be references to comic books. There will be some tied to specific choices, as well as some fun easter egg ones, such as naming and customizing your character after pre-existing ones, or generally just trying to break the game and make my job harder. I want to give incentive for people to replay the game and go for achievements. Far too often is it simply a mindless notification that pops up occasionally in these types of games. You’ll have to go out your way for most of mine.
All the more satisfying it will be to see the game through a whole new lens with the seventh quirk.
I’ll probably also add more rewards or something, I don’t know. first i need to write this damn thing
12 Likes
rvd249 - contact a leader or a moderator to reopen your WiP when you are ready.
Alright, so I wrote this damn thing. It took longer than expected, what else is new? Anyways, I’ve got some stuff for you. I’d recommend a read through first. Any bugs, spelling mistakes, or plot holes you find, please tell me. I found quite a few myself.
I’ve been updating this game in secret for the past few months as I made a promise not to re-open the thread until there was something of note. I saved some of the patch notes, so if you haven’t been checking in, these are all the fixes and additions you’ll find. Present patch notes will be in the game.
Patch Notes
Alpha Build 1.0
(11/22/2020)
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Reformatted chapters into a seasonal episodic structure.
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Added a confirmation for selecting no quirk.
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Changed the name of the secret seventh quirk.
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Various grammar fixes.
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Small rewrites to the first PD scene for continuity.
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Added the patch notes screen!
I lost the patch notes for 1.1 and 1.11 lmao
Alpha Build 1.2
(2/1/2021)
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Specified the “Very Tall” height category. Male is 6’5 to 6’11, Female is 6’0 to 6’5. This is for future implementation.
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Adjusted female height. Short is now 4’9" to 5’2.
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Removed the debug ending in the stats screen.
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Created the Appearance portion of the Player Bio.
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Changed the “height” variable to blank by default, so no height is visible until assigned.
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Added further clarification for the gunshot in the car. Seriously though, this part is supposed to trip you up.
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Implemented Scars and Injuries screen in the bio.
A Question
I made a neighborhood map for the upcoming open world section that will encompass Season 1. It… admittedly looks rough. I threw it together in Photoshop and was thoroughly disappointed at the time per quality ratio.
Does this appeal to you? Would you like a visaulization of the surrounding locale? If so, should I implement this as is? My hope is to invest in a proper artist to give a touch up. Fiverr does wonders. There’s options.
Finally, you may have noticed a decline in quality or complexity in certain scenes compared to the earlier ones. Although the repetitive and undescriptive parts will be touched up on, this is actually intentional in relation to the story, and will pick back up in Episode 2 as I gradually introduce all of the mechanics I have planned. You’ll finally be able to earn additional skill points, as well as change your hairstyle. Also adding beards for us fellas. The skill points will have more of a use as you start to do more activities, as well as prepare for the big job.
Things you can look forward to include an open-world esque environment in which you can visit different shops and converse with strangers. There’s a barbershop which, along with serving as a way to change your appearance, is also a place where you can chat up an interesting fella.
You can also visit and chat with each of the important characters, and even hang out with them at the shops and bars. Apart from most of them being romanceable, each of them will have their own side mission. These can range from pulling a con job to just hanging out and playing chess.
Shit. Now I’ll have to implement that poker mini-game.
Read the “A Question” drop down for full context.
- No map at all. I’d rather use my imagination.
- Implement this one and keep it.
- Implement this one until you can get a better version.
- Keep this one out until you can get a better version.
0 voters
12 Likes
When I first read this WIP, I know zero thing about Tarantino and his movies, now seeing that there’s an update I have watched most of his masterpiece and I’m excited to play this again!
I hope you enjoy it! I name his work as my main source of inspiration due to its often non-linear methods of story telling and realistic dialogue, but I also draw inspiration from many different crime films and novels. Reservoir Dogs was the big one that inspired me to start writing, and then movies like The Usual Suspects and Heat just helped even more. I’d definitely recommend the latter two if you’re looking for more crime films.
I’d actually say now, in terms of where the story is headed, it’s mostly inspired by shows like Mr. Robot and Fargo. I originally intended to keep the story in first person and very grounded, but after the consideration of just how much I can play with the reader’s perspective and the subversion of expectations, there’s gonna be a lot of moments where the reader will actually become their own character, and not just play as the one they’ve created.
4 Likes
Came across the demo yesterday got say you have my interest caught and look forward to what comes next in the story.
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Thanks! I’m starting on the next episode tomorrow, I already have a good 10 or 20 pages of it written. I’ll probably toss out a hotfix in the next couple of days just to fix a few mistakes I saw when I read through myself.
I actually have the next parts of both paths written out linearly. I tend to do this before implementing them into the game, just so I can kinda give myself a feel for the scene. These actually don’t take nearly as long as implementation, just because I have to account for many different choices, stats, and the 6 quirks. I’m still working on getting better at that. Most people probably won’t realize unless they read through twice that failing that first sequence in the car completely changes how Episode 2 starts out, and will play out. This will carry out through the rest of Season 1 as I explore this fun little butterfly effect.
I even have two different banners for them.
(I think the red and blue is pretty fitting for someone in police custody)
Anyway, because I didn’t do it prior and it was a small tradition, here’s a bit of some spoiler stuff. These are coming extra soon. Like, right after the end screen soon. It’s written in linear fashion, so expect there to be some options where there is dialogue.
Spoilers
“How are you doing?” he says, outstretching his arm for a handshake. After noticing my hesitation, he adds, “My name is Rahat Lahan. I’m here to represent you as your lawyer.”
I shake his hand as he takes the police chief’s seat.
“I don’t have a lawyer,” I say as he settles into the chair.
“This is pro bono,” he replies.
“As for you,” he turns to the police chief, “You can leave us. And these fries too! They look delicious.”
The police chief gives me a stern look before bending over the table and grabbing the carton of fries and napkins, carrying them away as Rahat is getting some.
“What a dick!” he says as the door slams shut. He takes the few french fries and shoves them in his mouth as he opens the binder. “Willems was his name, right?” He scans through the binder momentarily before closing it. His accent is not from around here. Not Indian; it’s American, but it’s not Tennessean. Maybe the slightest hint of a New Yorker?
“So… Devon,” he says, wiping his hands on his pants after not being able to find a napkin, “you’re screwed, right? You know that. They know about what happened in the apartment. They’re investigating Dunn’s connections. Give them another day, you’ll be locked up in the county.”
He continues, “So why’d you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Why did you steal from Hartman?”
I let out a laugh. Perhaps it’s my coping mechanism for a stressful situation such as this. A lie to tell myself that I still have control. If I’m going down, I’m going down kicking. “You’re not a lawyer.”
9 Likes
TL;DR
It’s done, unless there is a strong interest in a far less RPG/game-y, but more fleshed out story.
In case it hasn’t become apparent yet, this is, for all intents and purposes, on hiatus. I started writing this thing five years ago, which is also how long I’ve been writing in general. Truth be told, when I started it, I had no idea what it was or where it was going. There was no clear goal, and I had no real grasp on what makes a good story in writing.
In order to successfully achieve what I wanted to do, I had to learn how to write. There was no structure, no theme, no real plot that had been character driven—simply put, it sucked. It was to the point where if I’d continued and actually finished it, it wouldn’t have been anything really worthy of praise. In order to make it good, it’d require a fundamental rewrite that I’m just not confident is worth the effort. I’ve already greatly changed the story and the characters into something unrecognizable, and something that is linearized. Eli and Peyton in particular are actually characters whom are tied critically into the story’s theme, and are essentially shared protagonists.
Should I continue, I guess, it’ll be an entirely different story with entirely different characters and, likely, far less player freedom. My guess would be Fallen Hero in terms of pre-determined character backstory, if not more. I’d prioritize story integrity and continuity over player freedom, and I just don’t think that’d be something which would sit well with this community. On the plus side, I’d mean I’d be able to write these much quicker and with a lot more attention to detail. On the negative side, I’m essentially turning this into a Telltale game.
Truthfully, I don’t care so much about making a player-driven story as I do a character-driven one. That doesn’t mean I’d neglect player expression and meaningful and impactful choices, but it would mean you’d likely get a lot more text walls and a far more defined protagonist. It’d be a role you’d edit as opposed to create. Every choice that the protagonist makes is a choice that would be in character for them. You help resolve their inner conflict. This hypothetical continuation would, ultimately, be more The Witcher 3 than Fallout: New Vegas, if that makes sense.
I’d likely be scrapping the job roles, the stat system, most of it. It would be exclusively character customization and story decisions. Action scenes would remain, but they’d focus a lot more on prior setups as opposed to being stat-based. Say, for instance, you were given a gun earlier on in the story and you chose to bring it. On the romance front, I can confidently say two. Anything more would be a maybe. The story I have now, I’m confident in it. I can ride with it all the way. It would be more novel than “Choice of”, though, and I think ultimately that the choice of the consumer would be to stay away from it.
As I have in the past, I’ll leave this post off with a sneak peek and a poll.
The Gist of It
This summary of Act 1 is written linearly, meaning the protagonist, Devon, has a set name and some character details like a love interest. These can be different if left up to the reader.
The theme of the story is balance. It’s set in 2017, and is a prequel to what happens in the demo. Eli is the owner of an auto shop—well, acting owner. His father is hospitalized, and he’s tasked with running things. He’s inexperienced, and is unwilling. He’s been far too non-committal, only taking half-measures. This ultimately cost him his marriage, and now, it’s going to cost him his job. The auto shop is on the verge of shutting down due to his mild nature.
Who is Eli?
On one fateful day in 1975, Eli was spending his summer at home with his parents and his two dogs. His father, as mentioned earlier, was a mechanic, though at this point in his life he had yet to acquire a business of his own. They had a small livestock pen which contained goats. For some spare cash, Eli’s mother would sell the goat milk to the local farmer’s market. Eli’s father had quite frankly gotten tired of his son growing up and not pitching in. Eli would play on the property, but not work on it. After a motivational pep talk from his father, Eli quickly got to work the next day, eager to prove himself. He worked and worked, until he nearly collapsed.
He was too tired to continue come evening, and had forgotten to lock the goat’s pen on the way back home. Wolves got into the pen in the middle of the night and killed the goats and one of the dogs, with the other running away wounded and scared. Once everything had settled and the remaining wolves had been scared off by Eli’s parents, Eli was left with a moment of impactful introspection. He had worked himself too hard, not once taking a break, and was at fault for the animals dying. In a drastic subconscious course correction, from that day on, Eli would slowly become more and more timid. He became unwilling to commit himself to something in fear of making another mistake.
Eli’s son, Peyton, has just returned from the military. Peyton, seeing his father struggling, and having no other purpose in life, robs a bank to get money and keep the business afloat. He narrowly makes it out without being caught. Eli very much opposes this and gets into it with Peyton, only to reach a dilemma. Peyton will keep delving into crime to keep his family business afloat, so Eli decides to bite the bullet and help his son. He won’t sit by and watch him get himself killed.
Who is Peyton?
Peyton had a fairly normal life being an only child, average grades and pretty much everything else. His father was extremely milquetoast, and as a result, he never really had the strong authority he needed. He learned to lie and manipulate others as a result. As a kid, he spoke out against his father, offering advice about the business and his marriage, and telling him to change. His father wouldn’t listen, and he felt useless.
Peyton joined the military to find that strong authority he was missing. He was an infantryman. It helped in crushing his ego and gave him a purpose he desperately needed. He served four years as active duty infantry before receiving an ‘other than honorable discharge’ due to insubordination. The catalyst for this sudden shift was during a combat situation where his squad were sent into a minefield on bad orders. This was an entirely avoidable situation, but his commander had too much on his plate and was spread too thin that he overlooked the area. This event sowed deep distrust for any authority into Peyton.
Who is The Player?
Devon was an orphan boy who’d been through half a dozen families and homes. When he was twelve years old, Devon ran away from his abusive foster parents. Eli found him, and ended up reporting his parents to the DCS. Devon ended up getting put in a group home, where things were even more unruly. Due to the negative influence of the other kids, Devon became a chronic criminal going into his teen years. He received a few check-in visits from Eli, each one sending him off the edge more and more, the father figure he desperately needed slipping away each time. The second he came of age, he hitchhiked his way to Nashville to reintroduce himself to Eli. Devon is the type of person who attaches himself to others, and adapts his behavior to the people around him. Eli got him a job at the mechanic’s shop, and he’s worked hard ever since to keep Eli pleased.
Whenever Peyton opens Pandora’s box, Devon relapses. Suddenly, Eli, the person he looked up to for guidance and straight and narrow living, has now sunken down into the depths that he once struggled to swim out of. Devon’s nature is once again revealed. The difference is, whereas Peyton is imbalanced and Eli is noncommittal, Devon is the one maintaining order and managing both. He’s the glue holding everything together. This formula becomes effective.
Eli launders the money through the business, and occasionally reports back the “success” to his bedridden father. He looks after everyone and chimes in when he can, but usually has his hands full with other things. After months of seemingly being untouched throughout the state, things finally come to a head when Devon is decommissioned from a stomach bug he got while on a date with his girlfriend. Despite Eli and Devon’s best interests, Peyton pushes on and does the job anyway. It was never about the money to him, as we’ll later learn. Due to his impulsivity, it goes about as well as expected. Peyton accidentally leaves behind evidence, which puts Devon and Eli in the crosshairs. The crosshairs of whom? A century old southern crime family by the name of Farkas. When a rival crime family by the name of Lucarelli gets wind of this, they offer Eli’s crew protection in exchange for a job.
In return for the protection from Farkas’ bounty that Lucarelli’s offered, Eli and his crew would have to pull off a job, with one stipulation. Peyton has to go. He’s unreliable, and they know it. He acted out against Eli’s best interests, and they fear he’ll do the same with them. This doesn’t sit well with Peyton, and he gets into a heated argument with his father. Ultimately, the two leave on bad terms, as Peyton is left once again without a purpose.
- Leave everything as is.
- Have a set protagonist, prioritize story consistency and meaningful choices.
- Have a semi-preset protagonist, but choose name, gender, some cosmetic things. Dialogue may suffer, choices should not.
0 voters
8 Likes
Let them name the character. Trust me on this. Take away what else you feel you must, but let them name the character.
15 Likes
My rule of thumb is this: what needs to be true about the MC/RO/whatever in order for the story to work? Any aspect that needs to be a certain way, go ahead and set it. No one will begrudge you for doing what works. Anything that logically works without being set a certain way, think very carefully before setting it. People will be less forgiving if there isn’t a concrete reason for a decision
1 Like