The Last Laugh (Work in Progress)

Really enjoying this so far! It was fun and a different take on the superhero genre. Look forward to seeing more! I did notice a few grammar issues and a gender inconsistency.

Some minor grammar finds. “Him” should be “his”. “ended” should be “end”. “took” should be “take”.

Circled “her” should be “him” and “spent” should be “spend”.

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Tbh I love this. I’m imagining being the slightly weaker yet better trained equalivent of him :joy::joy::joy::joy:

But fr imma roleplay in this SO HARD.

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Ooooooh. I like that. Imma definitely have a complex about this ingame :heart_eyes:

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this is awesome !! thank you so much for starting this and i cant wait to see your updates .

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Awesome.
Vera feels like a villian which superhero called Megaman deserved. Being legacy villian like that sound and look very good

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that interesting. I’d love to

OK so I haven’t really read most of the posts here on thread so I’m gonna just list my criticisms and the things I loved about this demo. I’m gonna start with the criticisms so that I can get those out-of-the-way and gush about this demo.
. OK so first the nemesis alter ego name is fine but I feel like there should be a way for us to name the actual character. It would also give us a chance to personalize the character a little more.
. The next thing I wanted to mention was there were quite a few grammatical errors and a few repeated words which caused grammatical errors specifically where vera is giving her explanations and talking with other villains so I would double check those scenes.
. The last thing I wanted to mention which goes back to my first bullet point is that while I understand the whole DNA thing I Think it would be a great idea to allow us to fully customize the clone character seeing as how I would give us the players more of a reason to identify with this character and put ourselves in their shoes just my thoughts.

Now onto the best part gushing about the actual demo. It is so good I love the idea of playing is a clone of the main hero but I also love the idea of being able to choose whether we want to be a hero or a villain. So far it’s well executed though it could use a little more detail in between training sequences and such allowing us to get acquainted with each of the villains that we are going to be working with but otherwise I love this demo and will be watching for new updates. Oh the possibilities of this story. I can not wait.

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Thanks a lot for the critique. It’s very helpful.

Going into what seems to be the main subject of your criticisms:

What exactly would you mean in terms of more customization if you could specify? Because you get to choose your appearance and I’m working on giving more choices to define the Clone’s personality. If you mean the costume it’s mostly because you are just born and have no knowledge of the world outside. So things like naming yourself are a bit out of your understanding. In the Clone’s mind, what even is the purpose of a name? And a costume like this? That sort of thing. The choices I include in the game are choices the Clone would realistically be capable of making at the moment, taking into consideration the knowledge and information the Clone would realistically have. That’s the way I see it anyway.

That said there will be a point in the game later where you will get to choose a personal given name after the Clone understands more about the world, though that will come after the point in the story I plan to cut off the demo. Maybe I can add a taste earlier. With the alter ego? Maybe I can also add a motivation to change it in the future. I’ll see what I can do.

Thanks for pointing out mistakes in that scene. Could you give me screenshots so I can track down those errors? I’ve re read that scene so many times but I still miss them.

Thanks again for the feedback, I appreciate it. I’ll try to apply what I can within reason for the story.

Have a nice day.

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What I meant when I said more customization was yes choosing what the costume looks like but also, choosing our gender despite what the main hero’s gender is, letting us choose if we’re actually ruthless or if we are restrained when we’re fighting despite what the actual hero may do this may be a nitpick but during the fight scenes when we’re being trained our fighting styles defined but not how we handle our enemies Or what our character thinks of fighting even if it’s the early stages of birth for the clone I tend to think they have at least some thoughts on what they’re doing.

For example maybe our character doesn’t necessarily want to fight but does so anyway because that’s what vera wants and maybe we don’t want to be a hero or villain. Maybe we just want to be a normal person and experience the world around us instead but we do it to make her happy being her child, yes born from a vat of goo but still her child.

Maybe we don’t care what vera wants and maybe we see the hero as our parent instead and we ignore vera’s orders at every chance we get or even start hatching a plan to ask the hero for help whenever we get a chance you know things to make the character a little more personalized to each player and give the player a chance to start forming a personality for said clone. You know have them question what’s around them question what they’re being told. Right now just having them go along with everything that vera wants is a little meh right now you know.

In my opinion not all of the things I have listed have to be story changing but when making an interactive fiction making a player feel immersed is the most important part. One way to do that is give them the chance to customize as much as possible especially when it comes to watch inside the characters head. If you’d like more examples I’d recommend the wayhaven Chronicles and keeper of the sun and moon as research material since so far I feel those are the best interactive fiction to come out of Choice of Games and are my personal favorites.

As for the screenshots I’ll grab them and send them up in a different reply

I hope this helped :smile:

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I answered the gender thing here :point_up::point_up:. The whole point of being a clone is that you are identical to the hero. And when Vera unveils you to the world everyone would be horrified because no one has ever made a perfect clone of the hero like this before. I do understand why you would want to have a gender different than the hero, it wouldn’t be the first time in a story that that happens, but in this story the intention is being an exact replica of the hero. It also wouldn’t make much sense in story as Vera would have dumped the Clone if they turned out to be a different gender.

The rest however, I can actually do. Adding it to the list. There are times you can challenge Vera already it’s just that she has you at a disadvantage.

The part of wanting to be normal is something already commented here and I plan to add it later in the story. Once the Clone learns how the world works and stuff, you’ll be able to make up your mind about what you want to be. I even have an ending planned for that one, so don’t worry, I’ll have that as one of the goals.

In the meantime I’ll see if I add more introspective choices for the beginning here and see if I can expand the training sessions. I’ll admit I kinda rushed through those ones. :sweat_smile::sweat_smile:

Edit: and thanks for the suggestions. I’ve played both of those but I’ll see if I play them again to see what you mean.

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OK so I went through the demo again and picked out all the mistakes I could find and color-coded them. Yellow is for misspelled and repeated words, blue is for incorrect punctuation, and red is for grammatical errors and sentences that don’t sound right when spoken out loud. I tried the best I could to find them all but I’m not an English teacher so I might be wrong in certain places or have missed some. I hope this helps


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Had so much fun playing this WIP. Very excited for the next chapter!

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My reaction when I’m really digging this WiP and I unexpectedly come upon the last page… 2

Really adore the concept, and I’ve got no real complaints with the writing so far. Can’t wait to see how this progresses!

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Wow, this wip is really good hope you continue it :slight_smile:

Honestly with the way Vera was talking i was thinking this like SuperMan and SuperBoy and that i was younger :joy:

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