The Last Laugh (Work in Progress)

Hello everyone. After getting more likes than I was expecting, I finally decided after months of building up the courage, to show what I have until now. My first wip: The Last Laugh. A story I came up with specifically to experiment with choicescript and try my hand at this.

Plot

:In this world, much like many others, there’s many, many superheroes and villains. Filled to the brim with them. There is no one incident or common cause of origin for these heroes and villains. Some are aliens, others are gods and others are people who have had freak accidents. And others are only humans who use their wits. Among all of these heroes, one of them stands out. Considered the first of them all, this hero is the most powerful hero on the planet, they have fought alien invasions, gods, mad scientists, monsters and many many more things. They are regarded as the best hero on the planet, the standard to strive for, the symbol of what a hero should be. You…

…are not this hero. What you are is their clone, created by their greatest enemy, their nemesis, Vera McAllan, to seemingly be her enforcer in her eternal battle against the hero. What will you do is your choice. Will you support your creator in her dark endeavors, will you side with your progenitor and rebel against her, or will you strike out on your own as a villain?

What will it have:

  • You can choose the gender of both you and the Hero.
  • Design the appearance of both you and the Hero.
  • Learn to be a villain under three of the world’s most prolific villains.
  • Choose what you will be in this world.
  • Define your origin story.
What am I looking for in feedback:

The whole nine yards. Critiques, suggestions/recommendations. Pacing, writing, etc. Grammar too since as much as I know and grown with it, english is still not my native language and I may forget some words and subtleties.
And for those who love to code dive, maybe you can also suggest other ways a I can code to make my job a hell of a lot easier. Maybe a way to write one scene once instead of three times per choice, maybe some obscure coding trick I may not be aware off, anything that can make my job of coding easier, if you don’t see it in the coding, let me know.

What it has:

It currently has the prologue and the first chapter. In total it has 10,355 words. Currently trying to work on chapter 2.

Language warning

Curse words delivered throughout the demo and in future chapters.

Small update

I’ve fixed as many of the him/his problems I could find. I also eliminated the line breaks to make it much easier to read. Let me know if everything works out well.

Here it is. Enjoy. WIP

241 Likes

I’m so glad you decided to make a post for this one! It’s quite an interesting and different concept, i hope you have writing it!

7 Likes

This is awesome, you better believe I’m gonna be the worlds greatest daughter and fullfill all my villain mothers plans!

8 Likes

This is amazing! Can’t wait for the next update.

1 Like

I just love how Vera’s mindset is literally “let’s make the problem solve itself”.

Do you have a problem? Clone it. Now you have two. What can go wrong, right?

MC and Hero at the start

MC and Hero at the end

image

Vera

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36 Likes

Its amazing, i loved the idea and i’m definitely looking forward for more updates!!!
I found some errors, my MC is supposed to be male like the Hero but sometimes he is refered as her, and many times when is supposed to be written “his” is written “him”, and i found an error too but i suppose that´s the end of the demo for now

Summary

4 Likes

Actually there’s more content after that error. Apologies for that, I wrote the variable wrong. The rest were a simple problem of me forgetting that female pronouns only have “her” while male ones have “him” and “his” and i only used one variable for both. All of those have been fixed now and you can continue. Thanks for letting me know.

3 Likes

I like it I want more :sob::sob:and there a lot of her when I’m a he or mega man a guy

3 Likes

Why did it have to end so soon!!! Ahhh! This story is awesome! Also what powers do the other villains have? You know Vera, Cobra, Deadeye and Cyber?

3 Likes

Deadeye is a Deadshot knock off. He has no powers but a killer aim.

Cobra is a polymorph, she can stretch and bend like Mr. Fantastic and shapeshift into any form she wants.

Cyber has no powers but is a brilliant mind. He’s like Darth Vader in that he needs his suit to survive. He has modified the suit several times to create force fields, shoot lasers, and fly. But above all Cyber’s greatest trait is his intelligence. He’s not only a great engineer but a brilliant tactician and strategist. He’s probably one of the smartest minds in the world. He’s only been to jail twice in his life because of that.

Vera has no powers, she’s a normal human. What makes her so dangerous is her intelligence and unpredictability. She’s almost as smart as Cyber. She’s also an excellent manipulator and knows how to set of events that will result in her victory. Overall, she’s the truest definition of relying on your wits to fight gods. She’s basically a combo of Lex Luthor and the Joker so that alone should tell you how dangerous she is.

19 Likes

I just finished reading what is here so far and I really like the idea! I can’t wait to see where it goes and how things progress and I will most certainly be keeping tabs on this one and any future updates! I’m very excited to see what the first real-life interaction with Mega will be like!

2 Likes

So an excellent mother and mentor your mean.

18 Likes

Well, I’m hooked. I really like the concept, and I’m quite curious to see more of this.

1 Like

Will we get a chance react negatively to Vera early on? After her explanation it feels like we’re the result of some petty prank of a deranged kindergarden child. Did she brainwash us while we where in that tank?

1 Like

…may i ask, any romance here? :eyes:


actually the *his-him* problem is still there i'm afraid...

and also may i suggest that…err…how you guys call the spaces between paragraphs? i mean could you please add some spaces between paragraphs?

wired enough, seems like only that page up here needs some spaces… edit: nope, not the only one…

7 Likes

I come bearing bugs as well

Summary


[ instead of {


I get the feeling this is missing the word ”hair”

2 Likes

The name’s Fuck off. best line so far.

4 Likes

huh, so the male hero’s named megaman? the coincidence made me chuckle. if only vera was vera wily instead of vera mcallan.

3 Likes

@Eni Eventually. Maybe. Thing is that comparison to a deranged Kindergarten is not something the clone can do at the moment. Maybe you’ll be able to reflect on that later when the clone has more interactions with others and can build a base of what normal people act like or rather what most other villains act like. As it stands the other villains you met didn’t bother knowing you personally and Cyber and Cobra were too focused on training you and getting it over with to bother. You’ll get to talk to those two later. As for the brainwashing I’ll tell you this: if Vera wanted another obedient monster she could have done exactly that. She’s already done it in the past. Her conversation with Cyber hints that she’s not trying to control the clone but is after something else.

@snas It did me too. At first I tried to name the hero something like “Thunder” or “Ultra” for exactly that reason but none of those clicked with me. In the end I had to stick with Mega.

Thanks @LiliArch, I’ll check them out.

@everything-in-ordis I’ll check them out. I haven’t replaced all the variables yet. I’ll add the spaces too. I just have this habit of leaving dialogue under each other instead of separated like other paragraphs.

And of course the million dollar question. I may lose some people with this but here it goes: I don’t know but probably not. Jury is still out on that one. The problem is that I don’t trust myself to write good romance especially when it’s not part of the main plot. And that second point is my biggest issue at the moment: even if I felt confident in writing them, I haven’t figured out how to inject ROs into the story without it feeling forced. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read some stories where when I get into a romance I expect a nice little detour and all I get is a couple of sentences saying how we have been dating for weeks and yet I haven’t experience a single date in the story. So yeah, I’ll be trying to see if I can add them but only if they contribute something to the main story or character development of the clone, no tacked on ROs.

21 Likes

Wesker22 this is so great to read its so interesting keep up the great work cant wait for the next update,

1 Like