Hmm, it’s hard to say which path is my favourite yet, but the cathedral one felt very balanced to me. You witness the contrast between the wealthy and the destitute, learn a bit about Hadrian’s backstory, and you can even see a number of other characters there (including the elusive Rafael, if I’m not mistaken ). The Church is a looming presence throughout the MC’s journey, and the cathedral sort of feels like the epicentre of all the fanatic fervor it inspires, as well as the city of Tarragona itself.
Anyway, this was a really great update! I do have a question, though: If you decided to tie up Will, is there any mention of MC sending someone to apprehend him? Because atm it seems like they’ve forgotten about him But maybe I just missed it!
I was planning on having the MC tell about Will on the Gates path. And if you don’t go to that path, or just don’t ask, then you’d get a scene where it’s basically “Oh, no! You forgot!”
But I do agree that it should be mentioned earlier. Especially for MCs who genuinely care about not letting a man die tied to a tree. I’ll try to add a scene in Chapter 3 - I think I know the place where it can flow well.
Thank you for reminding me!
I’m not planning on adding more weapon choices, I’m sorry. Five is already almost too much for me to handle.
Thank you! You are a godsend
Also,
Thank you, guys I know it’s just a number but it makes me happy anyway. I remember when I first posted the demo, I barely got 30 likes in the first week, so it’s a bit surreal to see how much it grew.
Hadrian muttering “You’re going to be the death of me, woman…” was the shining light in the shitstorm of a week I had. Thank you, M’lady (this update was wonderful!)
Anything else I spotted has been mostly pointed out by the others’ helpful comments. I only just discovered this WIP a few days ago, and I already adore the world you’ve carefully illustrated for us.
Uhm, but of course! This WIP is amazing and one of the HGs I look most forward to
I played the demo for the first time more than a couple of months ago and it’s been on my mind ever since (I loved it!). And O M G did the new chapters make me love it even more! You really have a way with words and I adored all the awkwardly cute scenes with Hadrian and the charming scenes with the nobels (how am I supposed to choose between the three?!?)
Every character is interesting, the interactions and conversations ditto, and I love the WIDE array of choices that really shapes the story and the MC’s personality. Amazing job! Looking forward to follow the story as it blooms
I absolutely love this WIP, the story is captivating , the characters are really well written, the bits of romance littered throughout are lovely and peppered in appropriately. chefs kiss
I also really appreciate the fact that your character can have multiple options for personality and not be locked out into once type. I’m a person who’s extremely kind to my close friends, friendly with strangers enough to joke comfortably (I manage in retail lol it’s in my blood) and yet be extremely cutthroat and stern when it’s down to business or if I just don’tlike someone.
I feel like the story flows really well with my choices going from indifferent to pleasant or stern/wary to calm and it doesn’t penalize me for being more than one personality.
I’ve been silently following this project for almost 2 years and I can’t wait to see how this progresses.
As always, sharing any typos, errors, inconsistencies, etc you catch would be greatly appreciated! I also think it’s best to start a new game because I’m not sure if old saves may cause problems.
I want to share another wonderful art by Sarah of Alain!
The new banner is courtesy of our lovely @peaches . As kind as she is talented.
And with this, baring the typos I’m sure people shall find, the update is done. I can focus on finishing chapter 4 - I’ll probably start writing on Thursday.
When I read „first half of Chapter 4” I thought that it will be shorter. Much shorter. I was wrong. It was a delightfully long read that unfortunately caused me to go to sleep at 3 AM. Turns out that I am not a responsible adult, and your writing is too vivid and compelling to just leave it for next day. Well done.
I’ll start with what I liked the most.
First of all, the description of the city and its people. The city seems alive, I can easily imagine how it looks like, what is the atmosphere there, what kind of people inhabits it. What’s important here is that I’m not bored by descriptions, I didn’t skim through them, I actually read them.
I won’t talk about romances, you already have a vocal majority that deals with that, and frankly I think that not enough people talk about interactions with characters in general. I like the dialogues, and I like the glimpses into personalities of even the most minor characters. For example, the fishwife. She was entertaining. I had the smile on my face after she told me a rumor about some woman’s missing children, and it turned out that there is a grain of important information there. Another example, those pompous spouses that we encounter while examining one of Tarragona’s main roads. They are delightfully grotesque.
I’m sorry, due to reasons unrelated to your WIP coughs Netflix coughs I’ll never look at this phrase the same way. BTW, I love the possible responses to that.
Personally, I like the Devil’s Bridge path best. It’s very subjective, I simply love the architecture. I’m also one of those people who decided to climb the aqueduct. However, my dirty little secret is that I didn’t enjoy interactions with mysterious woman as much as the one with Father Brown during the Cathedral path. He is such a quirky man. She, on the other hand, has all the time in the world. She answered so many questions! Don’t get me wrong, I love the conversation, and usually I’m annoyed when I’m restricted to just a few choices and not all that are presented to me, but on the other hand it was… a little too much? Maybe a player shouldn’t have the possibility and time to ask all those questions? I mentioned Father Brown earlier, seemingly out of blue. See, I had a reason. While Iinteracting with him there was a feeling of danger, then rush, of being where MC shouldn’t be. It was very dynamic. Here? The atmosphere is lazy, even though the MC is an intruder too.
I second that. There is a feeling of true freedom while roaming the streets of Tarragona.
I’ve noticed some minor problems though. First of all: continuity.
And here it is. The first continuity problem. My MC suddenly became omniscient. Since he wasn’t persuasive enough, the little thief refused to help, never introduced herself, and then the bloodthirsty guard came. Since it happened during my first gameplay, I was slightly confused. I skimmed through the code, and at least for now, it seems that the only way to know Beka’s name is to not fail that check.
And here it is again. If only the MC knew as much about Rafael as he knows about the little thief.
Aaaand more of the same.
Lots of fine choices here, but at first I thought that I won’t be able to choose other responses after choosing for the first time. Now that’s what we get after first interaction:
This choice is a little problematic. It was fine as a response to Hadrian’s first comment, later on it looks a little off to me. To sum up – choosing the responses randomly might not be a good idea. The conversation flowed more naturally when I decided to ask questions in the same order they were put.
Another continuity problem. MC went to the Cathedral before he went to the market. He saw the Theers, he recognized Ysabella. Unfortunatelly, he has a memory of a goldfish, since later he was both surprised to see her, and unaware that she is a Theer. I checked the code, you wrote two separate descriptions for the encounter but the Twins_Cathedral_Saw variable is not working correctly. Actually, I’ve noticed something else. There are two variables. Twins_Saw and Twins_Cathedral_Saw. That might be the thing that causes this bug.
The new banner is awesome! It would be a good idea to have a different version for dark mode, though. Maybe change the black to white or use some white outline. But it’s not a big problem anyway.
Toss a coin to your Latin Translator Oh Greed-Filled Tarek
(Now it’s in my head again. Oh, what have you done? )
You’re not the first to say so. I do understand where you’re coming from, and I suppose I could implement a kind of countdown system where you can only ask a certain x amount of questions.
Maybe the MC gets increasingly nervous and keeps glancing at the entrance. A cold prickling in the back of your neck that tells you to go. Or maybe the woman herself just gets fed up and closes her mouth. Tells you to leave, intruder.
But at the same time… I feel like roleplaying is a 50/50 work between the writer and the reader themselves. It’s why I haven’t locked the Sinful/Pious choices yet. I write the options, and it’s up to the reader to keep their character more or less consistent. The same here applies to the Devil’s Bridge.
If you don’t want to talk any longer… you can stop at any time. I always try to have the option to leave during non-essential conversations. Or at least to move on to the next section.
So if the conversation with the mysterious woman feels like it’s dragging, your MC can simply bow and go. For the players who don’t feel that way, they have more dialogue and information to explore.
It is lazy. You are in perceived danger just by being near the monument, true. But at the same time, it’s not an immediate danger. It’s like you’re somewhere you’re not supposed to, but you don’t hear footsteps approaching. It’s simply in the very air itself.
There is another way. If you try to bring her to Justice, she tells you her name is Beka. But, I’m sure her name is mentioned in paths where she doesn’t tell you. I thought I had caught all of those.
Thank you, I’ll have to go through all the Beka conversation variables and sort it out. It’s on my list.
Good point. I’ve just changed the fist choice depending on if you immediately pick it or if you pick it after. Hopefully, it’ll make more sense.
I do agree that Hadrian’s conversation, in particular, flows better if it wasn’t choice-based. It’s probably tied to how I write my first draft - I just pick one choice and keep going. It’s later that I write all the other choices and tie them all together. But, this is the same as my point with the Devil section.
If I’m to streamline the conversation, it would essentially force the player to read it in its entirety. And it can be quite a big conversation. It would also remove choice on what to ask. So while I completely understand your point, from a game point of view, I don’t think it flowing better overcomes the downsides of making it linear.
This is a game, after all, and as much as I try, not all dialogue comes to be as natural as if it was traditional fiction. Some parts can be a little awkward, because I can’t write whole different conversation trees, after all. I need the streams to eventually come together. I hope it’s something the readers understand.
This is fixed! Hopefully, it should work now. Thank you for pointing it out, however!
I have… no idea what that bug might be I’m just glad it wasn’t a game-breaking one.
Well, for a while, you and me both . I’ll admit that, prior to this new chapter, I had no idea how to use Finesse outside of combat. I think I got the hang of it now though. Say if you disagree with someone, you can tell them bluntly. “You are an idiot.” Or you can try to be more subtle. “I would try it this way instead.”
I’ll use finesse like that in dialogue choices. But, to be honest, the personality stats aren’t very important. I don’t like to punish people for not playing “the right way”. They’re mostly there for flavor text - some characters might say some things differently depending on if you’re more cynical or genuine - and for the reader to have a track system.
The only stats I use for checks are the Combat, Wit, Influence, Lore and the Pious/Sinful scale.
So, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Oh, not at all! You were exactly the opposite. Thank you for taking the time to write such a long review and helping me improve my game. It was a pleasure to read.
Thank you so much, copo meio vazio . I’ve added a black background version!
If it all goes according to plan, you should get info on the MC’s backstory at the start of Chapter 6. Not all backstory, but you do get to have something in front of the Origin stat.
I was thinking about something like the second option, perhaps depending on how bad the very first interactions with her were. That would probably require writing some new variables though, and it probably wouldn’t be worth the time.
That’s… actually a very good point. No one forces me to choose every single dialogue option when I’m not in the mood for inquiries.
Yeah, I’ve checked it, now it makes perfect sense.
Aaah, thanks for clarifying. It’s actually a relief that players won’t be punished for inconsistencies in reponses.
In case you ever decide that a certain bard should become our sidekick - you’ve just created the very first verses of a very catchy and very annoying song.
Now, now, I’m innocent here. It was that delightful lady who started it. The rest is just a domino effect.
I was listening to Bazzi - I.F.L.Y. and I was thinking about Hadrian and my MC and gosh it lowkey fits. Anyways, so happy for the added dialogue. Heck, with me sitting at home all day, I’d be happy for the smallest things.
). The Church is a looming presence throughout the MC’s journey, and the cathedral sort of feels like the epicentre of all the fanatic fervor it inspires, as well as the city of Tarragona itself.
But maybe I just missed it!
)
I know it’s just a number but it makes me happy anyway. I remember when I first posted the demo, I barely got 30 likes in the first week, so it’s a bit surreal to see how much it grew. 
(this update was wonderful!)
(how am I supposed to choose between the three?!?)
I also think it’s best to start a new game because I’m not sure if old saves may cause problems.
)
I’m just glad it wasn’t a game-breaking one.
. I’ll admit that, prior to this new chapter, I had no idea how to use Finesse outside of combat. I think I got the hang of it now though. Say if you disagree with someone, you can tell them bluntly. “You are an idiot.” Or you can try to be more subtle. “I would try it this way instead.”
