So excited to see the public demo is up! I really like it so far. You’re doing a great job with the visceral and dark parts of the story, especially the scene where the MC cuts a piece of Vastan I kept debating which choice was the least painful for her LOL, I am too sympathetic to fictional kitties…
Ok, a few more thoughts after a second playthrough of the demo:
-Vastan is an incredible creation, one of my favourite “god” characters I’ve ever encountered. I love how she’s simultaneously powerful and impotent, cares about her followers but is also a bit possessive and manipulative towards them, possesses great knowledge and yet also has vast gaps in her understanding. Beautifully straddles the line between being an unknowable cosmic entity and being more fallible and “human” (in as far as a giant supernatural tiger can be “human”) without feeling dissonant. Can wait to see how our bond with her develops!
-Might have been nice to spend a bit more time getting to know the monastery and the people there before the attack. Similarly, it felt a bit odd how the attack happens mostly in the background, with those weird psychic headaches (which were a nice touch, by the way) and Merle showing up injured being the only real indication that there’s anything wrong. Maybe there could have been fighting going on in the corridors as we speed through, with options for how to get through. Also, small thing: I found it weird that the taste of blood in your mouth is described as “coppery” on a few occasions, since the metallic taste of blood comes from iron, not copper.
-I said before how the initial romance options with Nikita felt odd since we hardly know them at that point, but one thing I did like was the breadth of options for how we feel about romance, both in general and with Nikita specifically. Hopefully that level of choice will continue as our relationships deepen, for friendships as well as romances.
Hope I’m not being too critical, it really is a very engaging tale.
Thank you so much to everyone who’s been playing and commenting, it’s absolutely brilliant and so useful to get a sense of what you think.
@Haflaen You’re not too critical at all, don’t worry! I’ve just made an update with clarifications and expansions to many of the things you’ve mentioned. I really appreciate both your feedback about things to consider changing and you mentioning the things you enjoyed!
If you end up playing again I’d be really interested to see what you think about the expanded start of Chapter 2. I haven’t zoomed in on the timeskip to make it fully playable - I don’t want to slow things down too much - but I have made it longer and more detailed, and added some choices as part of it.
About Nikita: I totally get that! I’ve tweaked a couple of things in the update I’ve just put up. I’m going to have more of a longer think about mannerisms; their general affect is flat, but there is likely room for something there. Currently there are some interactions in which they’re less guarded, but they’re not all that likely to be seen, so I may want to tweak how that works.
If anyone else has feelings about Nikita in whatever direction, please let me know! Although there’s some limitation in the level of openness that I’d like them to display in this early part of the game, I can turn the dials a little.
Interestingly, about the attack I’d initially planned something where you could be hiding from enemies or doing something to try to engage with them; but it felt a bit like it was drawing out something that always has a bad ending - I’m not sure how much I want to make players feel like they might be able to stop what’s happening (though obviously the PC might feel that way). But I will have a think about it!
@JBento Thank you for all of that, it’s massively helpful! The number business is likely because of Fairmath. I’ve corrected everything else
This was funny because when I went back to check, I was like “uh why isn’t this Planner and what was I thinking”! - I think I might have rewritten it wrong or something.
You’re not misremembering! I rewrote that bit several times so that was from an alternate timeline. Ignore the hints of a multiverse.
About geography: that is very much In Progress. I’m going to make a map and there are notes scattered all through the code which say “check this” wherever any geographical thing or travel time is mentioned. So, it isn’t changed just yet, but it is on my radar. Thank you again!
Fixes: stats page typo and exposed code, various typos and sentence-level tweaks/corrections throughout, fixed “initial pre-game activity” in the post-demo list
Expanded and clarified parts of the Vastan chamber description in Chapter 1
Big expansion to the start of Chapter 2 and timeskip transition
Clarified Issi response to the MC being upset but silent in Chapter 2
Clarified section about asexuality and aromanticism
Changed trigger for proto-romantic Nikita moment in Chapter 2 (they now have to be more impressed with the MC for it to trigger); removed opportunity to ogle Nikita as it didn’t quite feel right to me for the moment (there will be further ogling chances in the future)
Added option to not have had facial hair as a cis man; changed some ways in which facial hair/shaving variables are set behind the scenes
Added another quiet option when talking with Helvi and friends
Fixes: an error in the stat page introduced in the update from earlier today; demo end page errors; chapter-skip error
Minor tweaks to paragraph spacing and stat page
Clarified Chapter 1 height choices
Made a cute little clarification re Vastan purring (thank you for that note, anonymous player! I had entirely forgotten that real tigers don’t purr, despite having whole binders of big cat facts when I was a child!)
Honestly? I’m not hugely fond of it. Not entirely sure what the point of the two farmers is - maybe we’ll be meeting them again and will have a chance to repay their kindness, but my instinct would instead be to start chapter 2 with the player collapsing from exhaustion and being rescued by Nikita and Issi. That could be a more memorable intro for them as we’d get to see Nikita’s expertise and Issi’s inexperience right away.
A possible solution (if you don’t want to risk making them too talkative too soon) might be to make more of a show of Nikita’s competence as you’re travelling together, so we at least know that they’re really good at what they do even if we don’t know much about them as a person. That could build intrigue and possibly create a fun dynamic with the player, whether a full-blown rivalry or just wanting to demonstrate that we also know what we’re doing. Speaking of which:
I didn’t get that scene this time around, so clearly I didn’t impress Nikita enough! Not sure why that is, since I’m pretty sure I passed all the skill checks during the travelling sequence; in any case, presumably that won’t bar me from romancing her later on, if I choose to go down that path.
Hopefully this doesn’t need saying, but I want to stress that the ideas I’m putting forward are just that; please only implement them if you really think they’ll work for the story. I expect I’ll enjoy it whatever you do!
No you’re right, it definitely won’t be a problem! It’ll be flexible. Nikita has an idiosyncratic set of things that add to their romantic-chemistry levels so I am going to be writing their start-romance triggers to allow a wide variety of PC’s attitudes and behaviour.
Thanks for your other comments about how Nikita’s coming across - I’m going to revisit some of their interactions and see what might work to show more about themself.
Hmmmmm… You know I think this has inspired me to click a couple of things together in my mind - I started writing something in real-time rather than timeskip this morning and it didn’t quite work, so I went for what I drafted today. But I think I’ve figured out a way of making it flow more smoothly - it’s not exactly what you’ve suggested but I think it will work better. Thank you for your thoughts, it’s much appreciated - it’s always useful to experiment with this stuff!
I’ve also thought of a way of adding more drama to some of the early Chapter 1 scenes. I’ll be taking a look at both tomorrow and will see how they go
Happy to be of help! I know I have an unfortunate habit of trying to write other people’s stories for them, so I really hope I’m not being too pushy with my thoughts.
No that’s fine, you’re not being pushy! I’ll let you know if I’d prefer not to have suggestions.
99% of the time I don’t feel pressure when I get player suggestions - I usually don’t do exactly what someone suggests, especially when it’s something on the larger side, but it’s helpful to use it as a pointer in one direction or another.
This is one I am a bit unsure of, but regarding the gender selection I feel like the terms ‘once-blessed’ and ‘many-blessed’ carry a bit of a value judgment with them, like how you will sometimes see things like “thrice-blessed” as an intensifier on just a regular blessing. Like, if I told you an RPG had a ‘once blessed blade’ and a ‘many blessed blade’, which of them would you think was stronger? This doesn’t really bother me personally, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
I think the body parts you take from Vastan are a bit unclear as to what stats they benefit. Claw and Tooth both feel fitting for Oppose, and the eye feels like it would boost Discover. I’m not sure what would be better, though. Maybe a claw/tooth for Oppose, the eye for Discover, and an ear for recall? I know that when I was going through without indicators that first time, I waffled between tooth and claw because I figured that one of them had to suit an oppose build but I couldn’t decide which one of those it would be. And I never would have guessed that the eye was for Recall and not Discover.
When you are getting the sentimental item before you leave, the socks feel a bit out of place to me because socks are a very practical item compared to the others. This is another I am unsure of, because all of those other things could become useful later and because “I picked the practical item instead of the purely sentimental item” is just as character defining as picking a sentimental item. I mostly mention it because you have that “I don’t want a sentimental item” choice and the socks strike me as a practical item and not a sentimental one.
I kept debating which choice was the least painful for her LOL, I am too sympathetic to fictional kitties…
