Interesting so far I also really like the way the character creation is set up. Flows nicely. Will be looking forward to reading more.
Also, the school part confused me. MC’s mother said that they would not be able to go to public schools anymore, so is the new school they went to a private one? And I feel like if MC is already going to the new school, the mother mentioning that they would not be able to go to public schools anymore is a conversation that would’ve been held some time beforehand. I don’t know if I’m explaining what I mean correctly, but it just threw me in for a loop XD Or maybe I’m just being dumb.
Very nice Tumblr, too. When I first saw it I was like “whoaaa.” Great presentation.
Yeah, the whole school thing completely got passed me, I was really tired when I was writing this. I’ll probably rewrite some of it and add it in when I get chapter 1 done.
Ah ok, so I could play as a reluctant soldier if I wanted to. Probably not on my first playthrough though.
Hm, is the school in the prologue not the military academy?
EDIT: Oh, I guess not, since you said they will be kidnapped, which hasn’t happened yet I guess I kinda misunderstood. So does the MC know yet that they will be selected? I’ve kinda been playing as if the MC is already a soldier, or at least is already prepared to be, which I guess is not necessarily accurate. I was sitting there wondering why a soldier would run to a dead body during a potentially-still-active bomb threat.
…Oh I even further misinterpreted. I hadn’t realized that the MC is a child. You even said that before and I completely glossed over it. I was thinking the MC just turned 18.
Okay, I’m definitely gonna have to restart with a totally different personality then, after learning all these things, lol. Hardened soldier is definitely not the same as hormonal teen.
Though there isn’t too much to change in the current version. More of a mental reset for me.
This is confusing for first time readers.
It gives no context about which are the opposing sides. And doesn’t tell us if Tinus was against the Dollion military or in favor.
Reading this, with no context at all, tells me we are going to a Dollion Federation academy in a scholarship. And that we are the child of a Dolion hero. So why would this be difficult at all?
“Here kid. Have a scholarship and good reputation behind you”.
Or are was our father against Dolion? Which would make no sense whatsoever. Which military academy would accept the child of the opposition?
Maybe you meant it would be difficult since they would expect us to excel and what not? But there is no mention of it whatsoever. Just the privileges we get right away. Either way, we’d still be in a privileged position. To show the reader it is not you’d need to emphasize why.
I personally liked what I read so far, and I’ll be interested in the future updates to see how it goes!
There were a few errors and such when I read it, but going through the thread, they have already been posted.
At first, I was confused about the school part, but after reading the responses on the thread to find out more, it made sense. Other than that, however, everything was good.
However, I do have a question regarding the father. Since we(as reader) don’t know a whole lot about him as much, would we be given the opportunity or chance to get to know more about who he was, or get to relive past memories with him in them? Obviously the MC is young, and the father is in the military, but reading and trying to get a view on him, he is an interesting character. Even if it wasn’t much.
I also really like the way the character creation is set up. Flows nicely. Will be looking forward to reading more.
I guess I kinda misunderstood. So does the MC know yet that they will be selected? I’ve kinda been playing as if the MC is already a soldier, or at least is already prepared to be, which I guess is not necessarily accurate. I was sitting there wondering why a soldier would run to a dead body during a potentially-still-active bomb threat.
