The Dolion Federation: Book One (WIP) (Updated 3/23/2022)

The Dolion Federation is my first attempt at really writing any sort of story, so any critiques yall have would be awesome.

SUMMARY:

You’re a soldier. Well almost, first you need to graduate. War, rebellion, and corruption have come to The Dolion Federation, and soon it’ll be your job to eradicate them. First, you need to graduate from the Dolion Military Academy. Simple right? Wrong. It would be simple if you were any other student, however, you’re the child of The Hero of Tinus. Well, you were until he died, now you’re on a scholarship provided by the chairman after his death.

FEATURES:
~Play as male, female, or non-binary

~Become a super soldier or refuse the opportunity

~Be the loyal soldier, questioning leader, or traitorous hero

~Romance one of four RO’s

~Create stylish outfits with an in-depth customization system

~Follow in your father’s footsteps or be your own person

The demo is currently at 4,504 words excluding code, 7,961 Including code. It just includes the prologue

Demo

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Romance Options

Keep in mind, the artbreeder images aren’t exact face claims.

Caspian/Cassandra Vermillian
A flirtatious and confident rebel. They have a very different set of morals than most but are good at heart.

Appearance
Cassandra has ivory skin, emerald eyes, and shoulder-length wavy jet black hair. She stands at 5’8 (172 cm) with a toned body, being more on the lean side than most soldiers. She has a small scar on her lip and will not tell anyone how she got it.
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Caspian has ivory skin, emerald eyes, and short wavy jet black hair. He stands at 6’1 (185 cm) with a defined body, being more on the lean side than most soldiers. He has a small scar on his lip and will not tell anyone how he got it.
image

Renan/Rena Hanzley
The stoic and cold child of the chairman. They’ve hated you since the moment you met.

Appearance
Rena has beige skin, grey eyes, and long dark brown hair. She stands at 5’6 (168 cm) with a lean build. She has a scar on her neck, usually covered up by a shirt collar or scarf.
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Renan has beige skin, grey eyes, and medium-length dark brown hair. He stands at 5’10 (178 cm) with a lean build. He has a scar on his neck, usually covered up by a shirt collar or scarf.
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Andreas/Andrea Greyson
The carefree, nature-loving mechanic/pilot. They are exactly what people mean when they say golden retriever personality.

Appearance
Andrea has tan skin, brown eyes, and medium honey blonde hair. She stands at 5’5 (165 cm) with a light very defined build. She has calloused hands from rock climbing. Otherwise, she has very smooth skin with few scars.
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Andreas has tan skin, brown eyes, and short honey blonde hair. He stands at 5’9 (175 cm) with a light very defined build. He has calloused hands from rock climbing and a slight stubble. Otherwise, He has very smooth skin with few scars.
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Gilian/Gillian Vale
A very loyal medic, they care deeply about people and are a bit introverted.

Appearance
Gillian has umber skin, hazel eyes, and short black hair. She stands at 5’10 (178 cm) with a lithe runner’s build, still muscular enough to carry people on her back though. She has pretty clear skin, with just a few small scars.
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Gilian has umber skin, hazel eyes, and short black hair. He stands at 6’4 (193 cm) with a lithe runner’s build, still muscular enough to carry people on his back though. He has pretty clear skin, with just a few small scars and a short beard.
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193 Likes

@ShortyInteractive found this: Prologue line 1040: Non-existent variable ‘friendly’

1 Like

Awesome, thank you.

Got it, just forgot to put parenthesis on something.

@ShortyInteractive Found more:

choicescript_stats line 73: increasing indent not allowed, expected 11 was 13

choicescript_stats line 53: bad label relationships

found another one!:

Prologue line 1778: Non-existent variable ‘friendly’

2 Likes

I’m pretty interested in this, the demo had me intrigued as well as the RO’s. A lot of customization options which is cool. I look forward to what happens next

1 Like

Interesting, I’ll keep an eye on this.

Though I noticed that you can skip the “getting dressed” part by just going downstairs. I was a bit disappointed to not get any reaction at all… also not picking anything results in a missing word in the second to last scene.

Summary

I’ll see how I can fix that, I did this all in like ten hours yesterday so I was expecting some bugs I wouldn’t catch.

1 Like

Interesting read
Will keep my eye out for more👌

I’ve just started reading, so more in depth comments later. But I had to stop and post about the customization in character creation. Fabulous. Especially the accessorisation.

As a watch guy myself, I love that you can choose to wear a watch. Well done.

2 Likes

Same for me.
Non-existent variable ‘friendly’

Should be fixed now

will keep an eye out looks so interesting!

1 Like

Should be fixed now, let me know if you find any more bugs.

Well, now the game breaks here :joy:

Yep, I forgot accessories loops back, so it kept messing with the variable I used to make sure people actually chose clothing. Should be better.

God damnit now you got me back into the got me into it now I have to study what you got in this world it’s pretty much like I do for the Forgotten ones a long time ago I like talking about military strategies and carefully planning I wonder what you thrown into this world

Lots of lore will be discussed, it might be on Tumblr or in the story itself. I got no clue.
Lore is one of my favorite things

1 Like

Is military service mandatory in this setting? Should we be assuming the MC chose to be a soldier?