The Detective and The Mantis (New WIP)

Hey everyone, I’ve got a brand new COG for you all.

It’s called The Detective and the Mantis (working title)

About The Game:

You play as a detective sent to investigate The Mantis, a space freighter that went dark while orbiting an abandoned planet. What you’ll discover inside will throw you and your crew into a conspiracy that will threaten all your lives. Will you choose to trust your crew, or confide in your superior officer? Will your detective skills be enough to unravel the mystery of The Mantis? That might not matter if you can’t claw your way out of the dark hallways of the ship first.

I have the first four chapters done, and I’m excited to share them with you. I’ve been writing for several years, and am hoping to get this one published through Hosted Games.

About me:
I have published two other books previously, and my horror writing on /r/nosleep has been upvoted tens of thousands of times.

Link to play the first four chapters:
https://dashingdon.com/play/jamesworchester/the-detective-and-the-mantis/mygame/

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Those upvotes you mentioned from /r/nosleep are entirely justified. From just reading the first few paragraphs alone, it paints you as an experienced writer.

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I appreciate the compliment; hopefully the other users here agree with you!

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So far, this is really well-written! Your writing is very to-the-point, but it’s also engaging! I love the characters as well. Their personalities are distinct, and I like that you can’t make them all like you just by being nice. I’m looking forward to the next chapters!

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Just how much insperation did you get from Mass Effect? Quarians and C-Sec, really?

Feedback: more middle ground responses in conversations would be nice.

Honestly though, this seams like it had a lot of potential, could you just maybe change the description of the warp gates so it doesn’t sound like you are describing this:
download

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Dartknight,

Regarding your feedback:

  1. It’s definitely in part inspired by the Mass Effect universe. The goal isn’t to be a ripoff though, so if it felt that way I’ll have to make some changes.

  2. Adding more middle ground responses is definitely something I can do.

Thanks for the constructive criticism!

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I actually loved the Mass effect series, well except 3… aaannnd Andromeda, and I think a choice game book inspired by that universe is a great idea. Common sense really, when you think about all the choices that game had in it. You just have to be careful. Silah feels the most ripoffish of everything so far, the description of the Selvan culture was just too similar to the Quarian’s culture and why Tali was away from her home ship. Everything else wouldn’t have been so noticable if not for that.

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Cool, yeah those are definitely things I can take a look at

But what exactly can the author do different to dispel that feeling that this is a ME ripoff?

If you’ve played ME, especially recently, you’re going to be drawing a lot of comparisons between it and whatever other sci-fi you happen to be playing and reading at the moment. That’s normal since ME is just about one of the most popular sci-fi series to have hit the market in recent years, it’s going to leave an impression and a lot of people are going to look up to it. That being said, be careful you don’t hold it to such a high standard that no other game is allowed to draw inspiration from without being labeled a ripoff.

For example, the Quarians, to me, are basically space gypsies with weak immune systems. ME doesn’t own the rights to weak, gypsy-like races in sci-fi, just like it doesn’t own the idea of having non-organic super entities bent on destroying everything (another example). When people create something, it is almost invariably based on something they have seen or experienced before; it is exceedingly rare to make something new from scratch that can be honestly labeled as unique, maybe even ‘alien’, if you like.

Alternatively, a game that comes off as a “rip-off” can be welcome among certain players who enjoyed ME and would like to play something they can familiarize with quickly even though it’s unrelated.

In regards to the ME comparisons, I had noticed one, and it was a character motive with the Rookie.
Them being a member of the space hermits and all. Even then, however, it’s not something that the studio owning the rights to ME specifically owns. It only draws slight parallels between the Quarians and, again, the Rookie’s people.
Besides that, there’s nothing else that really stood out as a blatant example. To me, anyhow.

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Yeah I understand your point. I’m just hoping that this post doesn’t devolve into a discussion on what’s ripping people off. I wouldn’t mind getting some more feedback on the game tbh :sweat_smile:

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Well, I’m always for sci-fi, but it was quite short for me to form an opinion. :woman_shrugging: At least it didn’t immediately put me off, so that’s a win. Waiting to see where you’re going with this ~

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Regarding ME. It was calling your police ‘C-Sec’ that forced my brain to remember the ME franchise, which makes the similarities between Silah and Tali (young space nomads on a resource gathering/worth-proving coming-of-age ritual) really obvious.

Also noticed the making the rounds system, which is definitely a plus.

The pacing seems a tad fast? I feel like I don’t really know who I am , where I am or what I’m supposed to be doing, and got thrust into the mission with amnesia. What’s a Hydra? Are we at war? Who’s ‘we’? A little worldbuilding and stagesetting would be appreciated.

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Invaluable feedback, thank you for sharing

Marduk, huh? Is that an Evangelion reference?

I love the setting and the atmosphere so fare but yeah I do feel like things are moving at to fast a clip that I can’t really get a grasp of who my character is much less the supporting cast. Otherwise great job I really dug this WIP. How long do you plan on making this by the way?

Having only watched clips of the gay romances from ME, I’m not seeing any similarities. :crazy_face: This was probably answered at some point, but are there ROs? If so, who?

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I suppose another thing you could add is a secondary skill stat boost (or split the current boost in half), so instead of just picking to use our revolver, charm the hooligans to death, or tech our way through the situation with the old man. We could then have an option to either boost the same stat again, or boost another stat. Example: coming around the corner with the revolver, and then dirty Harrying them into surrendering, or hacking both their “phones” into going off like crazy, then stepping around the corner with our revolver while they’re distracted, or for a double boost come around the corner with the revolver and either shoot them both in the heart (instant kill), or shoot the kid with the gun in the arm to sever the tendon required to pull the trigger. These are just some examples you’re free to use them or not.

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Nice! I am a tiny bit concerned that BioWare, or more likely EA, will try to sue you if they think it’s too similar to ME. I would probably pick a different name to C-Sec for the detective agency.

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Are there any ROs?

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