The Chronicles of Asteros: Book 1 WIP

Short Description
You ran away from your home, the palace, in search of truth about your newly awakened power. Leaving behind your parents, the king and queen of Asteros.
In this world each person is born with a specific magic type, as for you, no such magic was ever heard of.
Now on this journey you must resolve past misunderstandings, meet new companions and maybe, just maybe, find peace within yourself.
And after you learn the truth will you wish you never set foot on this path?

  • Play as male, female or non-binary. Choose to be straight, gay or say no to romance altogether.

  • Romance your childhood best friend, a cute buff swordsman, a stoic man of a different species or seemingly simple elf-woman who will turn out to have a complicated past.(The characters are romanceable depending on your gender.)

  • Uncover the truth behind the sudden appearance of strange markings on your body. Will they bring you great power or great suffering?

  • Explore your owns subconsciousness in the strange dreams you keep having, what will you find there? Or maybe who?

ROs

Alerie
Appearance: Long and curly ginger hair, usually messy. She is 5,6 foot tall. Her skin is fairly light.
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Lesbian

Corso
Appearance He is 6,1and muscular. But no matter that this guy is a softy, he is aloof and easy-going. Has short blonde hair and blue eyes, his skin. Due to growing up on a farm and being in the sun a lot he has tan skin.(Possible poly route with Lestro)
Gender Male
Sexuality Bi

Lestro
Appearance His features are sharp, being a different species he is rather unique. Snake-like scales on his skin and yellow, piercing eyes. His skin also has a green tint to it. Like Corso he is quite tall, 6,4 but instead of being big and muscular he is more on a slim side.(Possible poly route with Corso)
Gender Male
SexualityGay

Diyewn
Appearance An elf with mesmerizing emerald-golden eyes and long mint-green hair Despite being an elf she is rather short,5,5.
GenderFemale
Sexuality Straight

For this book, two more ROs will appear a bit later.

So, this is my first attempt at writing. The idea of this book has been in my mind for quite some time, finally I pushed myself to finish editing the first chapter and gathered the courage to post it
I have not yet added the save system, but I will work on it. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks to everyone who decides to read my work and have a great day/night!

https://dashingdon.com/play/ilb/chronicles-of-asteros/mygame/

73 Likes

Hi I really enjoyed your book the plot is great and the characters seem intriguing! I just wanted to share a little constructive criticism and say that some of the phrasing you used seemed a tad robotic.
(Ex: “The only light coming from the candle burning on the table to my right. I turned to look at it, the candle was halfway melted, the wax started driving onto the table.”)

That being said you said that in the description this was your first attempt at writing something like this and to that I think you did a wonderful job! I think you just need to add some more description to make it seem more human. I enjoyed your book and look forward to reading more!

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I don’t have time to try it out yet, but it does look interesting! One thing to keep in mind when setting an ROs sexuality, is that it can limit your audience when a certain group doesn’t have any options. Or even one option, if the choice is less universally appealing. Just as an example, you don’t currently have an option for straight women. You are of course under no obligation to include certain ROs, but it’s important to consider

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Nice demo but I think there should be some a little more choices to decide how the MC acts or what says. Because so far the personality seems pretty much set…? Unless it’s on purpose since we have a first person POV.

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The plot seems very interesting but as a comment above pointed out, the writing needs improvement so as to capture and retain the attention of the reader , paint a descriptive picture of what the characters experience etc.

Also I felt some dialogue choices were essentially the same things said in different ways so the choice felt like an illusion.

Overall it’s very good for your 1st attempt. Good luck with the story.

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Both men are gay isnt fair. One should be hetero or bi. :frowning:

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So 4 romances and three of them are gay… yay.

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All I can romance is an elf, who’s ain’t even important enough to be in the intro :sob:

Serious feedback, though is what there needs to be more choices because after we choose our appearance there’s nothing. It’s just pressing next while the MC does things. Like maybe add in stuff about how we feel about the friend now since we aren’t as close anymore, maybe we don’t want them with us, how we feel about our family, our sister, maybe we don’t want those newcomer’s with us too. So far the player doesn’t have any input in anything, it’s just reading a novel at that point.

But regardless of that the writing is really good and I’m interested in learning more about what’s happening with our MC and their family. Just some more choices for players is mainly the problem that can be easily addressed. Btw don’t take my early post seriously, I’m just play hating hating about the elf, I am excited to romance Diyewn lol.

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Didn’t you literally tell someone in another thread to stop being pushy when they pointed out that there was only one gay option? By that logic, how are you not being pushy right now?

Anyways y’all the author literally said this:

I haven’t played the demo yet, but it’s really funny to see the double standard on this forum when it comes to games with a cast that’s mainly not straight vs one with a cast that is mostly straight.

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Thanks, yeah now I see it :sweat_smile:. I will make sure to edit it. :grin:

This version was kinda rushed :sweat_smile: so there is a lot missing. Thank you for advice :grin: I will need to rethink ROs a bit.

Thanks! I will make sure to add them.

Thanks, I will work on it.

Thanks for the feedback :grin: It seems I will need to work on the RO situation.

2 Likes

Imo it’s fine you have 2 more ROs coming later anyway so I’d leave it as is until then.

Also you should add the elf to her cause I think you forgot her lol

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Sounds interesting

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There is potential for your story :heart: I would say just work on your pacing as well. It kind of feels like we are just rushing from one thing to another without understanding what’s really happening and there’s not enough info to understand the basics of the MC. Didn’t realize MCs personality is already semi-set (as an example).

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Thanks :grin: Im working on it.

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