The Caged Songbird

@Nazroth
Good point!
When I wrote that scene I hadn’t really thought about the MC’s saliva being poisonous. I’m still not sure if it’s going to be (although it probably makes more sense that their saliva would be poisonous). I’ll look at the scene again and think about adding that. Thank you!

@VioletHikari
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it so far! :smiley:
Oh yeah! Thank you for reminding me to fix that. Someone else had pointed it out too. That’s definitely not suppose to happen.

Honestly Westley is probably disappointed too. The original plan was for Westley to have a crush on the MC but they would never be able to get together.

@Aya
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it. I’m actually surprised so many people like Jace :laughing:

@Checkmate
Thank you for reading! I’m super happy you liked it!

@Takashi_Shin
OHHHHH Moua sounds cool!
Captain Moore would probably hate him but T and the rest of the group would welcome him with open arms.

@grimbutnotalways
Ah yes! I love The Wayhaven Chronicles, the romance system is inspired from that since I think Sera did a wonderful job with the romance system. Thank you so much for those kind words!

Hahaha omg this is the first time someone says they want to beat up Jace instead of romance him. Which is great! XD

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Love your game! Can’t wait for the next update^^
But there is one question I want to ask, if you don’t mind. So the mc has poison like power and kill everything that they touch. Does that mean anything that get contact with the mc’s skin will get infected by their power or is it limited to a certain area such as the palm of their hands?

Noooooooooooooooo, he’s so adorkable! :weary:

Honestly, I’m not sure if I want to beat the crap out of him or kiss him… definitely NOT romance, though!

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Sooo
Can we punch him
Like
Very hard
Like enough to break something

Just to return the favor u know
Nothing personal at all

Actually that personal yes
so maybe two punches …
maybe crack his balls two…
End him?

:fox_face:

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Do it like llamas do to people they dont like : spit on his face and melt it off

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sobs and hugs Theo instead can we at least be bffs with Westley, the (affectionately named) stupid cinnamon bun?

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Very interesting, I’m excited to see the rest of the book/series!

Is the poison (venom?) Transferable? Like are things we’ve touched dangerous or like others have mentioned, are our saliva, blood, ect toxic?

Probably gonna be in the “punch Jace” camp, His whole attitude comes across as really cut-throat and self-serving and I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Westly on the other hand I’m kinda worried about, he seems a bit naive to be working where he does.

And seconding what nulCat said. (Nonlethal) hugs for Theo, please.

Some typos and maybe some continuity things

Before I could even stand a hand grabs onto my ankle.

Could should be can here. And maybe I’m wrong but shouldn’t that have been enough to poison him? You mention earlier the doctor wears gloves and we have clothes designed specifically to block the toxin. Though I guess that could just be Hemlock lying about “special materials”

I feel my blood curl as he approaches me,

Curl should be curdle

Not use to people flirting with me,

Use should be used

I attempt to cover my arm by rolling up my sleeve

“rolling down” would make more sense here

Before you were even admitted to the Foxglove prison, we have been putting together a plan to escape for quite some time now

should be “we had” to match the earlier tense .The “now” at the end is then uneccesary

It couldn’t be something that dangerous since she doesn’t wearing a collar

should be "doesn’t wear or “isn’t wearing”

Just the same sickeningly grin staring back at me

the ‘ly’ at the end of sickening doent need to be there

Our poisonous flower is friends with Theos group.

apostrophe after Theo

Don’t you remember Dr. Hemlock’s instructions 3-8-7?"

should be 3-7-8

Everyday the cafeteria staff gives out 2 options for dessert,

two should probably be written out

Meanwhile you get the milk tart and will split them in half

will should be “we’ll”

Romance was no where near ever becoming a reality for someone like him.

Nowhere should be one word

Feeling a bit more intrigued by the man who could illicit this kind of reaction from Elias.

illicit should be Elicit

when Westley first brought her over he hadn’t given them much thought but seeing how worried they were for Noah, someone who they barely even knew, well that caused Elias to look at her in a different light, maybe even made them a little curious.

You start off using the Mc’s chosen pronouns but then switch to neutral as the paragraph goes on

If you wish to be collar free I would greatly advise you stay away from those……misfits.

I might just be confused but if we could be collared wouldn’t we be already? Our skin is full of lethal toxin that can kill an adult(?) man in minutes if not seconds. I seriously doubt we fall into any non-dangerous catagory. But, like with the gloves, Dr. Hemlock could be lying through her teeth in order to manipulate an already scared inmate into behaving.

But what if I hurt him.

should end with a question mark

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This looks really cool! I like the allusions to birds you made with the protagonists name and I’m pretty excited to see where this goes

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Oh, I like. :relaxed: :heart:

Easy to read, follow, with interesting characters. So happy you took the step to dare to share your world with us, so thank you for that. :grinning: :+1:

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The first time I started playing the demo I instantly fell in love with the characters :heart_eyes: Good luck with the WIP!!! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Same here.
Just played the Demo, already love it. Easy to follow and not a mess at all! Amos and Penelope are my favourites already. I’m eager to find out what happens next :slight_smile:

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Is MC’s saliva, sweat and other stuff corrosive? Is MC’s hair corrosive?

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@Hani_Fina
Thank you! Glad you liked it!
Anything the MC touches with their bare skin will get infected.

@VioletHikari
Awww I’m glad you think he’s adorkable. I’m sure that would make him blush. Well who knows you guys are slowly changing my mind, I might make him an RO if it fits with the story.
lol omg! I don’t think Jace would be a good person to romance anyways but I can see why people like him.

@Hearts
Hahaha omg! I’ll definitely add that in. I think I’ll put in options where the MC can either chose to completely dislike Jace and possibly get the chance to punch him or if they want they can flirt with him. Still no plans for a romance tho.

@Aleksa100
This is an amazing idea! Just imagining it makes me laugh. :laughing:

@nulCat
lol I’m sure T appreciates the hug and yes you can be bffs with Westley!

@ApplePi
Thank you!
I haven’t really decided whether saliva will be toxic but the blood is. Whatever the MC touches can become poisonous too. So the MC can touch a piece of paper with their bare hands and it will automatically become dangerous to others.
Yeah, Jace is definitely not trust worthy and everything he does is for himself. Westley isn’t really in the lope in the Foxglove prison since he’s still basically new there so he really doesn’t know what he’s gotten himself into.

Ah thank you so much! I’ll fix all of these as soon as I can. Work has been a little hectic lately.
As for the collar… I might have made it a bit confusing but the MC can be collared. The reason why they aren’t is because it’s part of Dr. Hemlocks experiment. They just want to see how long it’ll take for the MC to snap and use their power on someone. Dr. Hemlock doesn’t really care about the safety of others.

@Leodaire
Thank you for the kind words!

@Taylor_Enean
Ah thank you! I’m really glad I was able to do it too. Everyone has been very kind!

@Mei_Hiroshi
Thank you!!! I really hoped people would like them so I’m really happy to read that they’re lovable :blush:

@filopay
AH :sob: I’m glad it wasn’t a mess, I was nervous about it being all over the place but I wanted some feedback so I decided to put it out there. Thank you so much for the kind words.

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@Bathala
The MC’s hair is not while I’m still debating on the saliva since some people have given me some pretty good ideas and I honestly hadn’t really thought about the sweat being poisonous but I would say that yes it is.

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So basically, this is the mc if they weren’t human…
giphy

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@Mad_Man
Lmao! I laughed so hard when I saw this but yeah pretty much.
Thanks to this I’ve now got a creepy image of a human like Grimer in my head.

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@Mint I do have a question though, was the inspiration for mc having poisonous skin draw from Code Realize? I just noticed the similarities and thought it was pretty neat!

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Damn, I would’ve already fallen for Dr. Hemlocks trap and handed Jace a poisoned sandwich as a “peace offering”.

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Jace to me is guy how may back stab T for fun that feeling to him and feel like hate his guts

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You know, now that I think about it :thinking:, with this description, Westley kind of reminds me of Dragon Age Origins…

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