The Beastie Watch (WiP) - Updated 25 September

I know. @Fiogan 's devious mind creates such a sugary gingerbread MC for us to sink our teeth into, huh?

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I can’t believe all this was done in just one month! Great writing and characters, lots of interesting choices. I haven’t read all the CScomp entries yet, but I’m not surprised that this won

Also: I feel so betrayed! :anguished:

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You breathe life into such dear characters. They’re diverse, endearing, and lovely… and let’s say-- where interactions with words like sultry or husky are concerned… options that lead to are just too tempting not to pick.

Hmm, that Jeepers Creepers line (was it?), can’t say I was a fan first encounter, but it does grow on you. Strange. I wonder if it’s because it rhymes…

The bits of wisdom thrown in here there were beacons of light in dark-- or is it gray? I love it.

That Fifty Shades Of Nay tho, genius!

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@Fiogan

Here’s a nasty crawly bug:

[spoiler]*if (devious <= 50)
In fact, it was all you could do to maintain your disguises in a village where everyone has known everyone else’s mother, brother, and cousins since the beginning of time.
*if (devious < 50)
You managed the disguises easily enough. If the peeps in the pubs know anything worth saying, though, they’re keeping it to themselves. All the talk was about sheep, harvest, and the weather. Very dull stuff.

atm neither of these trigger if Devious is greater than 50.[/spoiler]

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I have yet to read the WIP but you hooked me in with electro punk!

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Thank you, all, for the kind words, likes, bug squishing, and comments! I’m delighted you’ve enjoyed the game thus far.

@Blattella Or I could make eleven sequels, once for each class. (;

@Terrell_Williams Oh yes–I can hardly leave everyone dangling on a cliffhanger, now. And thank you.

@moonwalkerdragon Thank you! I hope you do!

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Reply and comments–with spoilers for the current build of the game–under the arrow.

Feedback response with some spoilers.

Thank you so much for the good words, and for the very detailed feedback! I truly appreciate it.

You actually can’t die…most of my games are rather non-violent, and ‘poisonous intent’ as a theme was rather petrifying.

You can lose the battles, however, or be injured. Other consequences exist, too, but none of them are ‘game over’.

My concept pitch for this was ‘electropunk 1930s DnD/RPG parody in southern Scotland, alternate world’. So make of that what you may.

I’m planning to add content between the introduction and chapter one. I actually wrote chapter one first, and several beta testers said I had tipped them off the plank and into the sea, and could they please have more background first. I actually wrote chapter one, then chapter three, then two, then the intro, then four. Linear, schminear.

I’m so glad you found the nonsense fun! I loved writing that teddy bear portion. I also enjoyed having B00P-D33T! set the curtains aflame.

I’d hoped that the writing would be vivid, with or without the illustrations–although I’m very grateful to my fantastic artist, E. Lewis Martel, who went far above and beyond for the comp and deserves loads of credit. They also chose the Duesenberg as our classic car of choice–it’s surprised me how popular that car has been, haha.

I packed so much into the month with a lot of grace, patience from my two rather young daughters (I’m a widowed mum), really wonderful beta testers who were honest when my writing was boring, confusing, or both, and a lot of music from Bart and Baker and Lamuzgueule.

Eclectic boogaloo–the beta testers actually voted on this! I blame it all on Reggie, personally. Phil thinks the name is ridiculous too.

I want to add a chapter between the introduction and chapter one that allows one to meet Edie and Clivey directly, probably implements a battle and a mission, and gives some leads on the main plot threads. I’m also considering messing about with the time frame, and having the game take place over one year instead of two…but I like two years, because it brings one close to the end of one’s enforced enlistment.

I like to think that it branches a fair bit, especially chapters one and two, but I look forward to others’ perspectives. Chapter One took the longest because it branches rather drastically.

Thank you so much for the kind words and comments–I’m so glad you liked it! I appreciate the suggestions, very much so.

I’ll work on fleshing out the earlier sections of the story…after all, people will likely be reading a demo, so it’s important that the first chapter is as immersive as the fourth. And not confusing.

Two choice menus on the same screen: It’s mentioned here, on the ChoiceScript wiki, somewhat ironically under ‘multiple *choice’ halfway down the page. The instructions were missing, though, so I hunted round on the forums…@RETowers had a very helpful example in this post, and I copy-pasted her template here when I was designing that page.

@ToxicDreams It’s what I chose for parodying the ‘rogue’ trope. I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for posting to tell me so, too.

@Zolataya No gingerbread in this one, alas. Only teddy bears.

@Falingard Thank you! I’m delighted you enjoyed it. And I’m sorry! I, er, at least would like to share the blame with @Pace675’s fantastic prize category. I would have never dreamed of adding either the romance or the betrayal portions otherwise, to be quite honest.

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@ab2wus Thank you! I so appreciate your wonderful comments. I’m so glad that scene worked, too–that was my second most difficult scene to write. I painted over the first version with a broad brush after a wonderful, honest beta tester told me the first edition was boring.

Jeepers creepers– ah, 30’s slang! I had to borrow a surprising amount from the U.S., with the justification of dance band culture borrowing so much influence from across-the-pond swing culture. There was a good bit of artist crossover then, too. And thanks! I’m glad you had fun with it!

@Sneaks You are amazing, a veritable hero of bug-squashing prowess. Thank you very much–and thanks for taking the trouble to pull the relevant lines out of the code, too. I very much appreciate it. I fixed it for the next update.

@jcsunshine_3 I hope you’ll enjoy the story!

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I am glad the prize tempted you into writing out of your comfort zone, hence why I like making romance category my thing. I tend to believe if you can write a good romance, you can write anything. (Believable romances are a bloody hard thing to do if you ask me). To grow as an author one must be able to write outside of their own comfort zones and still keep the story believable, kudos to you for that.

I already know what next years’s romance challenge is, but alas 11 months to find out what it is, it would seem easy at a glance, but with romances nothing is ever that straight forward now is it?

Keep up the exceptional work @Fiogan I eagerly await the completion to the lovely work!

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Actually, I am quite amazed you managed to write a romance when you are defiantly nit comfortable with it, I tip my hat to you :smile:.
I know I’m going to DIE when it comes to romance in my book, and I mean I’m gonna freak! I cannot write romance, only violence ask anyone who’s read my FF.

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This looks REALLY promising!

I’ll be sure to keep an eye out on this story!

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Oh my, what an unexpectedly thorough reply! Thank you.

If indeed die you cannot, I like that the game makes it feel like it might be a possibility if you really mess things up or choose awry. I wonder at what other titles there might be besides Jitterbug which I had earned in my playthrough.

Y’know… if you add to that concept pitch at the end ‘dime novel Buck Rogers style sci-fi feel’, that all told is about a perfect descriptor, really. It definitely has that ‘aliens from across the galaxy’ rather than ‘native to the planet’ feel, though. With the various races. It’s very sci-fi rather than fantasy, that is to say. And the parody elements- I do love a number of them. Psychic rather than mage, Rascal rather than Rogue (heck, I actually like Rascal more, with the particular tone of the story, you make it fit. )

Err. Uh. That’s a rather random order. And I’d never have been able to tell unless you told me.

My condolences ma’am. I had a good friend of mine pass away a number of years back leaving behind a widow and two young children. I can only image. Although, I’d also like to apologize for something you’d never know unless I put voice to it as I am; I’d thought you were a guy. Although I should have been clued in by your attention to detail in the dance section with Reg in the story. It’s a rare man indeed who knows much of jack about dancing, though not unheard of, that ought to have been an important clue if I’d paid closer attention. I can imagine the swing-dancing, but alas, I personally can’t dance to save my life. le sigh Not modesty, I’ve simply forgotten everything I might have once learned way back in highschool. You do, however, strike me as very Brittish. Please consider this to be a compliment on my part. And to note an aside, I -adore- Brittish accents. I am further humbled that you could have accomplished so much in writing while being in the state of single-parentdom.

Lastly, thank you indeed for the links regarding the multi-choice menu, though I’ll need to check them out at a later point. Overall the only thing the story really lacks is more story. XD As in, it’ll be great when you finish it, I think.

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This was really fun to read while listening to swing. I really really adore the 1920s/30s vibe (the slang is just ducky!) and your writing is really imaginative and lively. All the characters are interesting, especially B00P-D33T, you did so much in such little time :dizzy_face: Congrats on 1st place, you definitely earned it!!

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Sure, that works too!

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It’s B00P-D33T!, with an exclamation mark.

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Oh no how could I forget! :weary: Sincerest apologies to our robotic friend :two_hearts:

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Shhhhh… she doesn’t like to have us talk about her winning first place.

Did I mention she won first place! (she’s going to throttle me)

Back to seriousness: Did you have any disconnect with any of the characters?

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Ohhhh…I’ll make sure to whisper then…!

Hmm I am sorry but English is not my first language and even though I think I’ve become pretty good at it I still have trouble sometimes, sorry :sob: Could you possibly rephrase the question please? sorry sorry

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Sure.

When I say: [quote=“Zolataya, post:22, topic:18740”]
Did you have any disconnect with any of the characters?
[/quote]

I’m asking you if you were not able to relate to any of the characters. You mentioned that BOOP! was a favorite of yours, so I was wondering if any did not catch your fancy… I hope that clears the question up for you.

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Thank you!

I’m thinking my hardest and I honestly can’t think of anyone I didn’t like, they were all very lovely, in my opinion.

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@Pace675 Thank you for the kind words! I agree, believable romances are very challenging. And I have stubbornly refused to read or watch romance driven books and films since childhood (except Catriona, because R. L. Stevenson), so I am a bit handicapped. That said, it’s a fun challenge.

Also ooh, next year’s romance challenge? You judges are terrible teases! Partly why CS Comp is so much fun.

@moonwalkerdragon I’m not very good at violence either. (I know, one is left wondering what I am good at. Obscure references to 1890s books and poetry, that’s what. Or 30s films, in this instance.) But practise makes perfect…at least, I’m hoping so!

@AAO Thank you! I hope you enjoy the next instalment as well!

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed I think I’ve managed to kill off my MC by mistake in every single game where death is even a remote possibility, thus far. That’s one of the reasons why I love @Lucid’s games so much–I don’t have to replay five times just to survive to the ending.

Besides, everyone knows that one only dies in cut scenes in any proper RPG…

Nicknames: there’s ‘the Coffin’, for one. And possibly not why one would think, either.

I thought about adding some term along the lines of ‘The Half-Penny Adventures’ or ‘Pulp Fiction’ but I wasn’t sure quite how to phrase it. Everything is meant to be 1930s themed (and an RPG/DnD parody), so there are aliens from various planets–they only arrived in the late teens and twenties, by the way–but there are also monsters (the Manufacts are Dr. Frankenstein-style creations) and mediums and spirits, as all that was still quite popular during the time period, especially in the U.K… I drew a lot of inspiration from period films and authors.

I was actually a rehearsal accompanist for a dance conservatory for three years, which is why I know dance. We had a number of people, of various genders, dancing there, and I was obliged to know the dances so I could select appropriate music to play for them as needed. That was actually one of my favourite jobs…eight hours of playing piano a day, whee.

@kicks Thank you! If you’re up for a bit of electroswing, I highly recommend Bart and Bakers’ collections and Lamuzgueule. Which bands were you playing whilst reading? I’d love to give them a go!

I’m so glad you like B00P-D33T!. Designing robot culture was very fun. I can picture a certain style of MC always wanting to throw a spanner at it. On the other hand, its mechanical exploits are quite fun. I did a bit of research and based the alarm system and several of the other BD innovations on newer inventions of the 1930s. It was nice switching from steam to electric for a bit for this story.

(Yes, @Blattella has the right of it–the second syllable is pitched higher than the first in B00P-D33T!'s name. Very key difference. But, it is very kind and forgives “flesh-crea-ture-flaws-in-in-ter-nal-pro-gram-ming” readily.)

@Zolataya No throttling. The theme was poison, after all.

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