The Beast in the Castle (WIP 09.25.16)


#181

@idonotlikeusernames Yessss, be unreasonable. And no one changed you :joy: There's only one guy with hands, and that's something he definitely wouldn't do.

@CricketRee Yay, I'm glad you liked it! And what are the other fairy tale WIP's? Did I miss them? I want to read them!

I looked for it, but couldn't find it? Maybe I already found it and forgot... :thinking:

@squarelyblue midterms fistbump

This game isn't really based on the Disney story. Not that I don't like that version or anything, it's just that I like my fairy tales a tad more depressing :kissing_cat: That said, the mayor doesn't want to bone you so bad he'd square up with the Sorcerer.

Yiana's a weird person. She's got her reasons, but what they are, only she knows for now.

I do wonder how I could make the conversation seem weightier. I can't actually make it longer, because you do need to leave soon. Would you say the options where you get angry or scared are less rushed? Is it a tension thing?

I tried to give the option of continuing the conversation without extending the time, with the 'not go- reason' option, but should I make it more accessible? Like have the options be 'don't go- go- hey we're not done talking here'?

Hmmmm... food for thought. And don't worry, it wasn't nitpicky, it was helpful. I'll think about implementing things better when I have more time!


#182

You mean like this ? Use: [s] evil text that needs to be crossed out [/s]

Also: Yessss, cuddly soft fur...

Okay weird thought but....Can Rosha purr? Like a cat? (Not even I am sure why I want to know...)


#183

OMG I didn't think of that, I hope so...


#184

I kinda think that breast will purr, it makes it easier to understand. It the sorceror could grunt in pleasure too that would make it easier to understand him, or maybe get him to purr as well, whatever's best I suppose.


#185

I love fairy tales and I love that you are making a Choice game of your own interpretation of a well-known and well-loved story. I like that the choices can amplify characteristics that we often hear about the Beauty in the story. The "Brave" choices (fighting, hunting), the "Kind" choices (comforting sister, caring for father), and the "Smart" choices (trying to reason, working as a scribe). I can't wait to see more progress and more of your ideas for this game!

If I can make some suggestions, I am fine with the main character being a girl, but I can see where people would like the opportunity to play as a male and gender-swap the story. It can bring an interesting dynamic, but it might also take away from the story you're trying to make. I guess it depends on where you're going with your story.

I would also love it if there was a bit more in the prologue to flesh out the character. If she has a favorite hobby (like reading or hunting) or a beloved memento from the mother.

Otherwise, keep it up and looking forward to hearing more on this work in progress!


#186

Wonderful work, but that cliffhanger...! :sob:

I really appreciated that I'm already building up my character's personality and I can't wait for further development. With the few choices so far I've been able to imagine her personality and how she'd react to certain situations. Great job! I'll be keeping my eye on this one. :heart_eyes:


#187

Goodness gracious, everyone. The beast hums. It's like you weren't even paying attention... :joy_cat:

@leathernroses Thank you for playing, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

I'm not going to be doing a gender switch game. I could give a lot of reasons, and most of them are valid, but to be completely honest I'm simply uninterested in it. Sorry! But I think this is the last I'm going to say on the matter.

That is a good idea! I don't know if I can fit it into the prologue-- my idea was that the protag is simply to busy to do the things she truly enjoys. However, when you reach the castle you will find that you have a lot of free time.

Most of the time you spend with the protag will be sniffing out clues, trying to escape and making relationships. However, it would be good character building to talk about the other things she'll do... Reading in the library, working with the gardens, hitting things vigorously with sticks, etc? I don't have 'stats' per say, but I do have a lot of variable flags, so perhaps someone could talk about it with you.

Also the mom thing will definitely come up...

@Marumochi Sorry, sorry! Haha. I'll be busy for the next few weeks, but hopefully I can scrape something together for you guys to play. I'm glad you have fun! Thanks for letting me know!


#188

Well I noticed the hums, but my kitty makes all sorts of noices, including a birdcall...she still purrs when I cuddle with her :smile:


#189

As @Lizzy already said: Animals/Cats make all kind of noises depending on the situation...My cat even snores...No I won't ask if the Beast can snore...

...

...But what about hissing? (just kidding :wink:)


#190

Haha I know animals make all sorts of strange noises. I was just teasing :wink:


#191

Out of curiosity, do certain hobbies make the love interests like you more or less? Like a common interest or something?


#192

Not sure! I'm not using the traditional up down scale for relationships, it's more of a series of flags. So it wouldn't be imperative or anything... It would probably be nice, though! Having a similar interest is always good in a relationship.


#193

My pug "purrs" -- like satisfied noises when he gets petted in a particular way -- and it's been 2 years since I got him and it's still funny/adorable until now.

Again TL;DR ahead

@iris, I feel like the weightiness from getting scared is actually because you are scared (i.e. the cowering, running away + Yiana being protective), so not rushed there. Same with anger (the demand option). I think the lack of weight/shortness/rushed aspect is if you do decide more neutral options (precisely because they're neutral)?

For example, if you're fascinated by the beast, the text reads:

> How strange, how magnificent! You've never seen anything like it before. Could it be the beast that stalks the forest? Does it belong to the Sorcerer? What is it doing here?

vs

> Your hands are shaking. Your shoulders are shaking. Your heart is shaking. There's nowhere to run. What is there to say, to think? What do they want?

If you compare the previous page, it's very action heavy:

> It snakes into your shack, black eyes burning. It's nearly as tall as the Sorcerer. It's teeth are as long as daggers.

> After that, everything happens so fast. Father slumps and pales, defeated. Sina is horrified, her mouth hanging open in a silent scream. Yiana pulls her knife out of her belt and brandishes it like a weapon.

So I suppose keeping up with the mood/atmosphere is one way of keeping that energy up? I mean there is nothing wrong with the choices, but I suppose juggling the way the introspection sounds is a way to help? Like if you choose fascination, the tenseness of the scene comes from the disjoint of how chaotic the outside is (everyone is panicked except her), but that being said the follow up probs doesn't leave enough room for it to play out in full? Idk what else to say but for options like that is to let it 'breathe'

(again ramble-y thoughts please forgive)


#194

Ohhh, I see! This is really good advice, I can definitely rework it. I'd say more but I'm about to get on a plane....

Thank you so much for your A+ ramble! I'll implement this when I get back.


#195

Now that the full prologue is out its is time for a continued summary of Huntress Beauty's life as well as a look into Seamstress Beauty's!

Huntress Beauty
Part 1, Before the complete prologue

Beauty is a practical minded huntress who is very strict and serious but cares about her family more than anything. She tries not to think about her past life and its comforts as there is simply no point in dwelling on the past when there is so much to do today. Somehow it seems that she has become the authoritarian figure in the household so much so that even her father listens to her when she commands something to be done. She's a bit peeved about her family's lack of thoughtfulness (i.e. not leaving her food to come home to, forgetting to check on their current stock of supplies like chopped firewood). She is especially peeved with Yiana who is old enough to get things done without having to be told to do so, she just lazes about the house doing nothing anyways. Beauty wishes her father would be more level headed about his choices as his risk taking was what got them into this mess in the first place. She can't find it in her to resent him though, his risk taking was what earned him his fortune in the first place and he does always try his best after all, unlike Yiana. When he asks what each of his girls want before he leaves, Beauty asks for something useful in case this doesn't bring in as much fortune as he hopes. Beauty tries not to show it, but she worries about Sina. Her sister is taking the adjustment to their new situation the hardest and is prone to crying fits. Beauty can't help but hold the girl until she calms down.

It was a relief when her father came home, Beauty could only pray that the voyage went well, but clearly from his visage something was wrong. She was confused on where he managed to find a rose at this time of year, were they even in bloom? Her knowledge of plants was more of the forest variety. Beauty tried to push down a whirlwind of emotions as she listened to her father's recounting, but she was sure that the disappointment reached her face while she cradled the unasked-for rose. She knew her father's luck was bad but a plague? Death? It was as if the heavens themselves were against him and her sisters by association. Beauty felt hollow as she listened to Yiana's angery voice and her father's apologies. Just as she was about to get up to go to bed and just sleep the disappointment away, the tiny house's door burst open to reveal a man who couldn't be anyone but the Sorcerer and a snowy creature, with a narrow muzzle and a twisting, bristly tail. The whirlwind of emotions, the disappointment, were all replaced by pure and utter confusion. This Sorcerer, this beast-- They're characters from a different tale, pulled into the wrong scene. Beauty could hardly believe that they were there. There had to be some mistake.

Beauty felt a chill run down her spine when she heard her father speak as if she had met the man before and tell him that she and her sisters were all he had. Whatever brought this all on, there could be no mistake that the Sorcerer and beast were there for a reason and it couldn't be a good one. What had her father done now? Yiana was angry, Sina looked terrified, and her father was a blubbering mess. Beauty was about to speak up to try and defuse the situation when the Sorcerer opened his mouth instead. It was either him or death. He said it so calmly, not a single feeling on his face. Beauty wondered if she had misheard? The situation seemed more and more surreal. She was only sure of one thing, she would protect her family or die trying.

Part 2, The rest of the prologue

The Sorcerer asked the creature at his side which one of her or her sisters to take. Over her initial confusion, Beauty tensed. If it was her, she think of a way out and fight tooth and nail if need be. If it were Yiana, she would fight back with her weapon long enough for Beauty to help. If it were Sina.... It would not be Sina. Beauty would make sure of that if nothing else. Just then, the beast turned it's black eyes toward her. Nerves on edge and desperate for control over her life and surroundings again, Beauty demanded for an explanation as to what was going on. With all the stress of what had been going on for the past few seconds, minutes, days, years even, she could not keep the anger from her voice. She wasn't surprised when her father avoided her eyes, her sisters knew no more than she did, and the beast was an unlikely candidate for conversation so her confusion and fury were directed at the Sorcerer preparing to take her from her family. Of course once he realizes this, he gives her an answer that frustratingly answers nothing at all. He couldn't be more coy if he tried.

Irritated, the Sorcerer seems in a hurry to leave with her as if the decision to do so was already made long ago and not within the past few seconds. As of Beauty were the one doing the inconveniencing. Well there was news for him, she was upset as well. He could not make her go anywhere she did not want to. No man could! Not even her ever increasingly disappointing father! She told him as much (although with less of the familial drama mixed into the refusal), earning a terrified squeak from Sina who in turn earned a disapproving growl from Yiana. It was Yiana who backed her up and faced the Sorcerer with her tiny toothpick of a knife. Mean, lazy Yiana. For all their fights, for all the times that Beauty just wanted to hit her, for all the times that she was sure that Yiana wanted to do the same, it was Yiana who tried to protect her from the stranger in their home. Not her failing but well meaning Father, not sweet but crybaby Sina, but bad tempered, lazy Yiana. If the situation weren't so serious, Beauty would give her one of Sina's signature leaping hugs. To make matters even better it seemed like the Sorcerer was actually responding to Yiana's threats, he was going to explain! There was no one better at talking their way out of unfavorable situations than Yiana so if they could get him in a civilized conversation, perhaps they could get him to leave! Or that was probably Yiana's plan, however, there was something strange in the way the beast watched him walk, as a result Beauty couldn't relax quite yet.

Then everything was wrong. The Sorcerer's green eyes flashed gray and the world turned black.

Seamstress Beauty

Beauty is a self sacrificing seamstress who works very hard for her family. She misses her past life and its comforts but tries to make the best of everyday. Her family needs someone to be string right now and if its not her father or older sisters then it has to be her. It worries her how strong a sailor her father used to be. Now he can barely stand without pulling something, prompting Beauty to rush to his side every time he makes a pained expression no matter how tired she is from working. When he tells her and her sisters of one of his ships returning, Beauty felt more joy from witnessing the excitement on her family's face than from the potential of returning to her old life of luxury. Before he leaves the next morning to get a look at the goods on the returned ship, Beauty's father asks each of his girls what they would like for a present. After her sisters tell him their desires, Beauty just shakes her head and asks for nothing, only wishing for his safe return. She could not love her father any more if she tried when he told her that if anyone deserved a beautiful present it was her. Beauty did not hold high hopes for the gift, if she had learned anything these past few years it was to not let her hopes swell to much and to work as hard as she could for her family and new life. This didn't mean that she resented her father for being the cause of their new living standards, Beauty loved him too much for that.

Sina was crying again. She seemed to be taking their new life the hardest so Beauty always did her best to be there for her and cheer her up. Sometimes that meant a hug and others, particularly this one, it called for bad jokes. Once Beauty got her sister to smile, it was on to the bigger challenge. Yiana. Beauty thought of a list of things she could do or say to get her more stubborn sister do actually do chores. She settled on pointing out the obvious disadvantages of not chopping the firewood (i.e. not being able to eat warm food, potentially freezing to death). Yiana was angry and annoyed when she grabbed the axe, but at least she was going to do her work and her attitude was nothing new.

It was a relief when her father came home, Beauty felt like she could finally breathe again. Money, houses, objects they could replace but not family members. She could only pray that the voyage went well, but clearly from his visage something was wrong and the way he handed her an unexpected rose as if trying to appease her (or perhaps his guilt?). There is nothing for Beauty to do but quietly accept it and try to listen to his troubles. As she listened to his recounting, Beauty tried to keep the shock and horror from rising on her face. What her family needed was reassurance that they would all somehow be okay. Internally it was a whirlwind of emotion. She knew her father's luck was bad but a plague? Death? It was as if the heavens themselves were against him and her sisters by association. Beauty sat with a kind and shaking smile frozen on her face as she listened to Yiana's angry voice and her father's apologies. Then came the knock.

It didn't make any sense. They never received visitors any more. Beauty's family had fallen from society's graces due to lack of finances not to mention the fact that it was such a late hour. Who could be knocking on their door now of all times? No one answered the door, but it opened all the same to reveal a tall man who could be no one other than the mysterious Sorcerer and a scaled creature, with elegant whiskers and a sinuous, silver body. Beautiful and terrifying described them both. Beauty stood frozen, at an utter loss for words. All she could think of was the fact that the door was still open and letting in the early spring are, chilling her skin. Beauty felt a chill run down her spine when she heard her father speak as if she had met the man before and tell him that she and her sisters were all he had. Whatever brought this all on, there could be no mistake that the Sorcerer and beast were there for a reason and it couldn't be a good one. Beauty was unsure of what to do. She was vaguely aware of Yiana shouting in anger at the man, only snapping into focus when the Sorcerer opened his mouth. It was either him or death. It brought back a silence so loud that the buzzing in Beauty's ears was deafening.

The Sorcerer asked the creature at his side which one of her or her sisters to take. Beauty struggled to say something, to do something until the beast's eyes landed on her. Then she finally squeaked and took an involuntary step back as all eyes except for her guilty looking father's were all on her. What did he do? It didn't matter, it whatever it was, it was already done and Beauty had to focus on her current dilemma. She could make a run for it. But the only exit was being block by a great white beast. She could try to disappear, slip into the shadows. But that would only be a temporary solution even if it were somehow possible to disappear within her family's tiny abode. As the Sorcerer reiterates what they already knew he was here for, Yiana, bless her heart and soul, slid in front to protect Beauty. However, Beauty could practically see the gears turning in her big sister's, the Sorcerer's, and even the beast's heads. Rather than let things escalate further, she smiled at her beloved Yiana's back, put and hand on her arm and said that she would go willingly. If it would help her family, Beauty would do anything.

Yiana's disbelief in her actions hurt Beauty's heart with the amount of terrified concern she poured into it. Beauty couldn't love her family more if she tried. That was the last thought in her head before the Sorcerer strode over and she watched his eyes fade from its brilliant green to gray. The last sensation she felt was being held in someone's arms as the world turned black.

As always, wonderful work Iris dear. I'll try to do one more summary as Scribe!MC.


#196

I'll admit I was a tad reluctant to take a look at this since fairy tail reimagining's tend to get a little weird. However I have to say I really enjoyed the prologue and really hope to see more. :grinning:


#197

I've played through every scenario now... Moar Moar Moar lol.

Honestly love it :sunny:


#198

Yes, you should give Disney a very wide berth unless you just parked a few truck loads of $$$ in their parking lot...


#199

Thank you so much for the demo, I've certainly enjoyed it!

I love the numerous options for the personalities, ranging from anger to pride to quiet exhaustion to simply pouring everything the protagonist has into helping her family. I love that level of freedom when it comes to shaping how my MC behaves, and it's definitely appreciated here.

That, and I love the fact we get a non-binary gender option for the Beast. Representation that I appreciate in any media I have, and I can work with a genderlocked protagonist. (It helps the genderlock isn't for a cisgender male since I'm saturated with games where that's the case and something else is greatly appreciated.)

I also love the protagonist's family despite their flaws. Their behaviour makes sense, their response to their plight something I could relate with even if I wanted to strangle them half of the time.

I'm eager to play the rest and thank you for the opportunity!


#200

@Kattz Ahhh, thank you Kattz! These are so useful.

I'm so glad someone chose the shitty joke option it's my fave.

@lee97 Oh, thank you! Not gonna like, though, this one might get sort of weird...

@Crystaliza I'm on it! :space_invader: After I finish editing the prologue...

Yeah, I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole lol. Technically fairy tales are public domain, but I'll stay clear of their talking furniture and inventor dads. I'm trying to keep things a little original. I mean I still have some broad influences, like the original Barbot de Villeneuve version, Cupid and Psyche, and some other old tales... but most of the fine details are coming from my own shitty imagination.

I actually almost named the beast Azor but 1) I wanted something more gender neutral and 2) I didn't want it to be too derivative.

@LullZ Thank you for such a lovely review! I'm glad you like the family, and that you think they have believable reactions. I was hoping some people would at least like some of them. I'd like to think I'd be cool if I lost everything, but I'd probably be Sina...

YEAH... I don't mind being a dude, but I thought it would be good to get more girl games out there. There's such a lack of them, I honestly don't even feel bad about genderlocking.