This is unbelievably good. Super super creative, and especially original. I’ve never seen a plot of this kind on here. On top of that, it’s paired with some really talented writing. You use imagery through “show, not tell” very well compared to other writers, and your pacing is super easy to follow. It’s telling me that you’ve wrote novels in some manner in the past. Keep writing this 
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Oh my god, thank you for the kind words! 
Yeah, I wrote many novels in the past but never finished one - writing in a vacuum is not for me. So this time definitely feels different, and feedback such as yours is pushing me so hard to do it!
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Hey everyone! Just wanted to drop by to say that the writing for chapter 4 is still ongoing; I might have an update soon.
In the meanwhile, I updated the realms page on Tumblr with MORE REALMS for anyone who loves lore dumps! 
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Well, it is not exactly small, but still - happy to announce an update for Chapter 4! I made tons of bug fixes (no more stat breaking up; sorry for the fans who loved breaking them!) and added the prelude for Chapter 4, where you can learn more about the enigmatic Tehomot, the god of the unknown.
The rest of Chapter 4 will include six individual “parts” - different stories inside and outside the bar.
The first part will be a big road trip to the realm of Memoriam - the graveyard of dead deities. Joining you will be Death, The Witch, Hastur, and He Without Name!
This part will drop sometime next week, with the following parts dropping in the following weeks.
For chapter 4, at the moment, you won’t need a new save file 
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It would be cool if we could adopt Raven’s no-name philosophy and just be referred to as “(The) Owner”.
You would get a bit of rel with the bird, a +10% to etheral and maybe the unique characters make a little comment about it the first time you meet them.
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Oh, I love this! I’ll see how to implement this because some sentences must be rewritten for it. Thank you for the suggestion
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Sorry about the delay with the update, everyone ! Covid got me. The next update will be sometime next week 
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Never knew a raven would annoy me so much, yet it did 
The rest of the staff were lovely though
As for the bugs/grammar errors:
Bugs:
I don’t know if you mean for “an” to be in bold
Death’s pronouns should be she/her since it’s perceived as a woman by MC on this playthrough
Grammar errors:
wood-stained (needs to be hyphenated)
ownership of
afterlife
I need to learn more …
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No, that one is actually correct. “Stained [a] deep mahogany” is what is being specified about the description of the wooden counters. The whole sentence is needed to follow the remark on the quality of it having a protective stain. “Its wood stained deep mahogany” could have an additional comma “its wood, stained deep mahogany, is covered in a layer of grime and dust.” A hyphen would actually make it incorrect because the object is the wood counter, and the stain one of the described features in addition to the fact it is dirty.
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What I love about the Raven is that I get two type of comments about him: he is super annoying, or can I romance him. Nothing in between 
Thanks for taking the time to add corrections! Super apprentice it
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Hi everyone! Just dropping to announce that he next update is dropping NEXT FRIDAY - the 16th of Feb.
It will be as long as a regular chapter. See you there!
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This was so much fun! I was very sad when I hit the end of the demo. I’m excited for the 16th!
I’ve been reading through the Death series of Discworld, and I’ve been wanting more depictions of a Death like that, caring and trying and a cozy afterlife, so thank you for this game!
I do wonder whether we can learn more of our own world and backstory. We learn a lot about our fellow staff, but it feels like I’m more interested in them than they are in me.
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Hey, thanks for the birthday present! 
Seriously excited to see this story continue.
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Happy Birthday! Now I’ll roll the update no matter what 
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Thank you so much!
I never actually read the Discworld series, but it’s been on my list forever!
And about the player’s realm - I wanted to let the reader headcanon their origin as much as possible but might experiment in the future with options for the player’s world. I will say that I’m planning a next installment that will feature Earth a lot
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Welcome to Memoriam.
A realm where knowledge is both a duty and a salvation.
The secret to the whispers that haunt your dreams lies within its ancient confines.
One name will lead you to the truth: Tehomot, the god of the unknown.
In this realm, where the past intertwines with the present, you will navigate through trials, uncover hidden truths, and encounter the gods themselves—some ensnared in eternal slumber, others locked in an unending battle.
What will be the cost of knowledge?
- A massive update of over 30K words to The Bar of the Abyss!
- This is a standalone quest starting from Chapter 4, available if The Witch has joined your bar.
- Discover 6 unique endings, weaving through a tale of love, duty, and legacy —each laden with potential joy, madness, or despair.
- Romance opportunities with Death, The Witch, and even Hastur!
- The truth is unfolding — learn more about the origins of Hastur and He Without Name.
- Choices and consciences — navigate carefully, for your quest for understanding may lead to unforeseen conclusions.
- Books and lore abound — journals, testimonies, and secrets await those who seek to unravel the mysteries of TBOTA.
START YOUR JOURNEY
I’m sooooooooo glad to release this update finally!
Thank you for patiently waiting for it. I’m excited to hear your thoughts on this new chapter of TBOTA.
Your feedback—be it on plot nuances, pacing, or even the slightest typo—is invaluable.
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Hi everyone! I made a few bug fixes for the new update; lmk what you think about it - and if it’s your first time reading the demo, I’d love to hear your feedback in general!
Have a great day
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Stoffs
This “to be” refers to “The premises”, not to “structure”, and therefore should be ‘are’, not “is” (or the sentence restructured).
There’s no Death option that gives me Death of the Endless. 
“'Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tap, tap, tapping at my window pane. 'Tis some visitor this night came.” And it came to tell me there’s a typo in “happening” and two missed capitalisations in the third option.
Missing opening quotation marks at the start.
I’ll hold you to that, bird.
So, it’s just a regular diner restroom, then.
Is the entire second floor my room, then? 
Man, first @milaswriting, now you, everybody disparages my eye colour. 
“You’re”
Lol, “retro accounting”
Ah, yes, the King in Yellow, the Great Russian Witch, a siren, a void being… and Shelly.
Typos at the start and the end of the highlighted section.
“He” also refers to himself in the third person, I see. >_>
The highlighted option led me to the current screen, but the text is a repeat from what I had in the previous screen.
This is a big info dump at the start in chapter 2, when you talk to all the characters after the first night. This isn’t bad, because they’re interesting enough characters, but having them all in one go is a bit of a load. Maybe have some small event happen every 1-3 character interactions, just to break it up a bit?
I think you mean “can’t” here:
Typo:
Ok, I NEED to see this dating profile. 
Uncapitalised.
OMG, please tell me the witch’s name is Karen.
Nope, you’re Karen now, sorry. I don’t make the rules.
HAH, I like Pepper.
Wrong pronoun.
Hmmm, I’d have liked to have an option to pry into EXACTLY what happened to the previous owner after that remark by Skunk, even if it ends up being deflected by Raven.
Wrong pronoun.
WP
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PREVIOUS BARKEEP?! Also, you try anything, and I’ll etch your annals alright, give or take an ‘n’.
Continuity… not error, but disconnect? When Lilith made her proposition, I picked the “need to get to know you better first” option, but that doesn’t appear to be reflected here? (there’s also no references to Morgana past the initial “I have a date tonight” option, which you can’t pick if you want the “know you better option”)
You should probably not use her name in the description before we know of it (even though that happens right after). Maybe this could be “the leading priestess” or something similar?
Wait, hold on. If Elara’s the priestess who had been… ‘absconded’ with, and if she’s back with Pyriphlegethon, then the stolen property has been returned and we actually owe these people nothing, even if we debase ourselves to the point that we consider “people are property” a valid stance worthy of consideration instead of, y’know, a kick in the teeth.
Oh, that actually shows up in the game, but it isn’t addressed (immediately, at least)
Well, there’s this vintage from 1429…
drunk!Death is hilarious and I love her.
Ok, so from the choices, it appears the poly options are Lilith+one other? Also, it’s unclear if this option here is for demisex or ace.
I believe Chapter 4 is currently the last, so I’ll leave it for a later date, lest you make some changes to previous chapters that break variables all over the place.
This is fun. It has hints of the comically absurd while at the same time being dark AF (Death remembering/forgetting, wth happened to the previous owner, The Voice in the Jukebox, and also I apparently just pissed off an entire afterlife realm, I’m sure nothing will come of it). I look forward to see where it goes from here.
You have a few typos that I didn’t screenshot, but if I have one ACTUAL critique is that the first character infodump, the one after the first night, has nothing to break it up midway. Contrast with the other character infodumps, which are broken up by small events that help dynamise the scene, so it’s not just two people talking. I’d suggest taking a look at that first sequence and doing the same you did for the others.
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I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!! Thank you for the detailed review
Can you add in a spoiler tab the scene you mentioned? Not sure which one you’re referring here hehe.
Also, there’s a big quest in episode 4 (memoriam trip with the witch) I recommend trying when you have the time - it’s a standalone episode.
Thank you again, your notes will help so much!
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Do you mean the one I refer to as the first character infodump? It’s the one you get RIGHT after you wake up for the first time, the first time when you can talk to everyone at length (not counting the interviews). The ss I have right after “The highlighted option led me to the current screen, but the text is a repeat from what I had in the previous screen.” in my previous post is from that sequence.
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