Tales from Qaya (WIP) Chapter 1 COMPLETE 06.08.2018 UPDATE

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Hello everyone!

After playing almost all COG games, I decided to make my own.

It is about a guy/a girl going on an adventure. I still havent planned that much yet. For now you can recruit a vampire or don’t. Depends on what you want.

You can be Straight, Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual.

You can choose between male and female.

Things I planned: Managing your own guild, Becoming a Vampire or a Werewolf. That’s it for now.

Keep that in mind that the game is still in DEMO version and I’ll improve things in the future. Right now game is 3350 words long (with codes).

UPDATES

  • 06.07.2018 UPDATE

  • Added Sexual Orientation to the Stats tab.

  • You can choose between Straight,Lesbian,Gay and Bisexual options now.

  • Added images for chapter titles.

  • Added detailed description for different places.

  • Some changes to text, fixed grammatical issues.

  • You can’t cast Invisibility spell with 0 intelligence anymore.

  • Fixed bow, rope, lantern not showing in the inventory when bought.

  • Chapter 1 COMPLETE 06.08.2018 UPDATE

  • Deleted some useless codes.

  • Made training skills easier. You don’t have to choose skills seperately now. Just choose your class and it increases your skills according to your class.

  • Fixed grammatical issues.

Appreciate all the feedback. I hope that you will enjoy it. Here’s the link to the demo.

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Should probably explain what it’s about.

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Only just glanced at it so far, but the first thing I notice is that you don’t put a space between your sentences. I.E.:

“This is one sentence.This is another sentence.This is another sentence.”

Not quite sure why this is, but it makes things kind of confusing to read. There should always be a space between the full stop and the first letter of the next sentence. :blush:

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Thanks for the tip. Much appreciated.

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Instead of using He/She and Him/Her, use They, Them, Their. It looks cleaner until you reveal the hidden the person.

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“Sheeps, but”

You can add a reaction from the MC during “So I killed your sheeps.” and “Look, if you release me”. For example, “You lower your fists, staring at the intruder” or something like that.

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Seems good can we become a supernatural creature like werewolf or somthing

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Yes,I thought about becoming a vampire. But I havent thought about werewolf yet. Might add it in the future.

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The 1st chapter seems OK for the most part, but there are some mistakes.
Somebody already mentioned lack of spaces in the sentences. I noticed these in particular:

“Wake up.Your dad is calling you”

"Hey [character’s name],how are you?

Buy drinks for everyone! (30 Gold,Increases Charisma)

Well,I guess you know my secret

Look,if you release me I’ll get out of this town

So,what do you say?

That’s really nice of you,[character’s name].

You decide to kill the vampire.she is a monster after all. - also capital letter needed.

Again,I am sorry for your sheeps.

You spend time learning new spells and socializing with other people.People respect you because of your wisdom.

Her hair is midnight-black and it flows over her shoulders,which slightly covers a fine,wild face.

You are old enough to choose your class now. You decide to choose… - no spaces in the options.

Also some typos:

I dont like drinking blood of animals - don’t

You quickly jump on them from behind and tie Him/Her up aith a rope you found in the barn. - with a rope?

There are a lot of “sheeps” in the text. Isn’t the plural form “sheep”?

Phrases that just repeat too much:

You decide to hide and set up an ambush. You decide to set up an ambush.You find a nice spot to set up an ambush and wait there.

“This is the third sheep we are losing this week. Somebody or something is killing our sheeps at night. I want you to guard the sheeps tonight. If you can catch what or who is killing our sheeps then I’ll reward you with 50 gold.”

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If you decide to set the vampire on fire, the game notes: “Good thing you have your torch”. While your torch is mentioned earlier, if you set up an ambush, it comes out of nowhere, if you defeat them using your magic.
There are a lot of skills, but only too few of them are actually used. Maybe there should be more places where the character can implement their skills? For example, asking about the rumors in the inn is useless. I kinda expected hearing something useful with hight charisma, but nope.

As you enter the barn, you can try to cast invisibility spell. It is successful, even if you have 0 intelligence, despite the statement that you need at least 10.

You can set up an ambush and successfully jump at the vampire without any agility and combat skills.

Well, sorry for my English and good luck working on your game!

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sorry for English? lmao your English is better than mine.
Thanks for the feedback. So I fixed these things:

Added spaces after every sentence. Finally DONE!
Changed sheeps to sheep. My bad.
Changed “aith” to “with”.
Fixed Intelligence skill check code. You can’t cast spell with 0 intelligence now.

I’ll try to add more interactions as well. It is still demo anyways. Actually I didn’t expect a feedback like that. So, thanks a lot! Really appreciate it.

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Chapter 1 COMPLETE 06.08.2018 UPDATE!!!

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Wow, this looks promising. I will try to offer more detailed feedback soon, but right now I’m short on time. Looking forward to seeing more.

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