I believe Iāve found the issues you spoke of and fixed them. Thank, and I hope you continue to play my HG.
Thank you for pointing this out to me, and Iāve fixed those pronouns. I hope you continue to play my HG.
Great game one of my favs
Thank you for pointing this out to me, and Iāve fixed up the writing. I hope you continue to play my HG.
Iām glad youāre enjoying my HG, and one can only wonder what could happen to MC in the future.
Considering that so far weāve got a vampire, demon, werewolf, god and demon along for the ride, Iām gonna say sign me right up!
Like the concept so far, exited to see how it progresses.
Oh, thatās a given
With species test showing MC has bunch of diffrent bloods in themā¦ Will MC be some sort of shapeshifter? Like change into demon/werewolf/vampire/whatever for X amout of time?
Ooh, thatās an interesting way of seeing it. Now that would be cool.
Personally if I were told the results my first reply would be: āSomeone contaminated that blood sample. Retake the testā haha
Iāve got you that basic description in the description up top, but I havenāt added it to the demo yet. Hope that satisfies you for now.
I canāt go over the details but itāll be something close to that.
Did some drawings of Nathan, others coming soon.
Some mistakes that I caught:
Summary
Missing capital letters and a comma.
Missing a capital and it should be none.
Unneeded capital letter, unless Nathan was God
Captain should be capitalized and Iām not sure if you were going for āYes, my Captainā or āYes Captainā 'nd just got the two muddled up. Also lifts, puts, wolves and capitalized he.
His.
Looks.
Just curious as to why/how MC hadnāt noticed the broken window before entering the house? Unless I missed that said window was at the back of the house in which case ignore this.
Not a mistake necessarily but this page strikes me as rather odd. Firstly all 3 choices regarding how we feel about supernaturals leads to the first line. I wasnāt sure if there were any stat changes at all since I havenāt checked them once but I wouldāve at least expected them to influence what we actually do in this scene, which leads me on to my next point.
Why did the MC just walk out? We went inside to protect Tru and all of a sudden weāre slinking back out? A choice to pull our gun out on Shawn and Nathan wouldāve made more sense.
I was also somewhat confused by MCs supernatural epiphany - why did we just assume these three weirdos were bizarre creatures, and why did we only just now realize something was off about Nathan? I mean the dude sent us flying across the room
Also the text about realizing weāre outside and closing our eyes is kinda unneeded IMO, you can simply have the MC turn around to close the door then have the wolf be behind them.
Pronoun change!
Button also should be capitalized with the other 3 choices.
None.
None.
The first sentence should be āLetās go, Joshua. And please, act professionally.ā and the second doesnāt need a comma.
Whispers and opens.
Youāre.
This entire page should be split between 2, with the first few paragraphs being on one and the rest on another. Not only is it a bit of a drag to read but it makes the pacing look off and the 2nd half would be on a separate page regardless.
Iām always a sucker for supernatural stories so Iām looking forward to where you take this!
Thanks for the help, I just made the changes that you suggested. The only thing that I did leave were the lowercase choices, and those choices are finishing the last sentences. And the reason we havenāt suspected that Nathan was supernatural, is because the MC is a private detective. Theyāll most likely stick the more reasonable option than a fantasy one. Iāll be sure to explain when you have a one on one talk with Nathan. Also, the reason the MC left the house was that of the fact that they didnāt know how to deal with the situation, which again where the MC being a private detective comes in. Theyāll be more rational and would be smart about the situation, but Iāll probably add a choice there for the MC to stay and get involved. Iām just making this up as I go.
Anyway, youāve helped me a lot, and I hope you continue to look forward with my HG. My brain thinks faster than I can type, and as you can see leads to me making mistakes. Iāll be grateful if you continue to help me with my errors in the story which will help make it to me publishing it.
Thank again for your help.
P.S. That āYes captain, my captainā is a saying from āO captain, my captainā I just replaced āOā with āYesā.
Yeah, I figured those lower case options shouldāve been left when I had another read through, haha. Thanks for clarifying some of the choices though!
No problem! We all make mistakes. Iāll be more than happy to help as you continue though
The scenes in the platform seem to be swapped. If the MC decided to go willingly, he/she shows up with the handcuffs on. And if the MC decided to challenge S, he/she shows up without the cuffs
Hey guys, sorry for the no updates in awhile. Iāve been drowning in school work and my work isnāt any better. But I promise I havenāt quit this project, it just isnāt my first focus right now. Iām sorry for the inconveniences and I hope you understand but I hope to give you an update soon.
The demo was niceā¦Iām looking forward to it!!