Supernatural P.I. Agency (WIP) (Prologue + Chapter One)

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I believe I’ve found the issues you spoke of and fixed them. Thank, and I hope you continue to play my HG.

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Thank you for pointing this out to me, and I’ve fixed those pronouns. I hope you continue to play my HG.

Great game one of my favs

Thank you for pointing this out to me, and I’ve fixed up the writing. I hope you continue to play my HG.

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I’m glad you’re enjoying my HG, and one can only wonder what could happen to MC in the future. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Considering that so far we’ve got a vampire, demon, werewolf, god and demon along for the ride, I’m gonna say sign me right up!:smirk:

Like the concept so far, exited to see how it progresses.

Oh, that’s a given :slight_smile:

With species test showing MC has bunch of diffrent bloods in them… Will MC be some sort of shapeshifter? Like change into demon/werewolf/vampire/whatever for X amout of time?

Ooh, that’s an interesting way of seeing it. Now that would be cool.

Personally if I were told the results my first reply would be: “Someone contaminated that blood sample. Retake the test” haha

I’ve got you that basic description in the description up top, but I haven’t added it to the demo yet. Hope that satisfies you for now.

I can’t go over the details but it’ll be something close to that.

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Did some drawings of Nathan, others coming soon.

Some mistakes that I caught:

Summary

capital%20letter%20and%20comma

Missing capital letters and a comma.

capital%20letter%20and%20typo

Missing a capital and it should be none.

Unneeded capital letter, unless Nathan was God :thinking:

captain%2C%20wolves%2C%20capital

Captain should be capitalized and I’m not sure if you were going for “Yes, my Captain” or “Yes Captain” 'nd just got the two muddled up. Also lifts, puts, wolves and capitalized he.

his

His.

Looks.

noticing%20the%20window

Just curious as to why/how MC hadn’t noticed the broken window before entering the house? Unless I missed that said window was at the back of the house in which case ignore this.

Not a mistake necessarily but this page strikes me as rather odd. Firstly all 3 choices regarding how we feel about supernaturals leads to the first line. I wasn’t sure if there were any stat changes at all since I haven’t checked them once but I would’ve at least expected them to influence what we actually do in this scene, which leads me on to my next point.
Why did the MC just walk out? We went inside to protect Tru and all of a sudden we’re slinking back out? A choice to pull our gun out on Shawn and Nathan would’ve made more sense.
I was also somewhat confused by MCs supernatural epiphany - why did we just assume these three weirdos were bizarre creatures, and why did we only just now realize something was off about Nathan? I mean the dude sent us flying across the room :astonished:
Also the text about realizing we’re outside and closing our eyes is kinda unneeded IMO, you can simply have the MC turn around to close the door then have the wolf be behind them.

pronoun

Pronoun change!

typo%20-%20botton

Button also should be capitalized with the other 3 choices.

typo%20-%20non%20again

None.

typo%20-%20non

None.

unneeded%20comma

The first sentence should be “Let’s go, Joshua. And please, act professionally.” and the second doesn’t need a comma.

Whispers and opens.

you're

You’re.

This entire page should be split between 2, with the first few paragraphs being on one and the rest on another. Not only is it a bit of a drag to read but it makes the pacing look off and the 2nd half would be on a separate page regardless.

I’m always a sucker for supernatural stories so I’m looking forward to where you take this!

Thanks for the help, I just made the changes that you suggested. The only thing that I did leave were the lowercase choices, and those choices are finishing the last sentences. And the reason we haven’t suspected that Nathan was supernatural, is because the MC is a private detective. They’ll most likely stick the more reasonable option than a fantasy one. I’ll be sure to explain when you have a one on one talk with Nathan. Also, the reason the MC left the house was that of the fact that they didn’t know how to deal with the situation, which again where the MC being a private detective comes in. They’ll be more rational and would be smart about the situation, but I’ll probably add a choice there for the MC to stay and get involved. I’m just making this up as I go.:sweat_smile:

Anyway, you’ve helped me a lot, and I hope you continue to look forward with my HG. My brain thinks faster than I can type, and as you can see leads to me making mistakes. I’ll be grateful if you continue to help me with my errors in the story which will help make it to me publishing it.

Thank again for your help.:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

P.S. That “Yes captain, my captain” is a saying from “O captain, my captain” I just replaced ‘O’ with ‘Yes’.

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Yeah, I figured those lower case options should’ve been left when I had another read through, haha. Thanks for clarifying some of the choices though!

No problem! We all make mistakes. I’ll be more than happy to help as you continue though :cowboy_hat_face:

The scenes in the platform seem to be swapped. If the MC decided to go willingly, he/she shows up with the handcuffs on. And if the MC decided to challenge S, he/she shows up without the cuffs :thinking:

Hey guys, sorry for the no updates in awhile. I’ve been drowning in school work and my work isn’t any better. But I promise I haven’t quit this project, it just isn’t my first focus right now. I’m sorry for the inconveniences and I hope you understand but I hope to give you an update soon.

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The demo was nice…I’m looking forward to it!!