I like this~ Can’t wait for update~
This is now definitely one of my favorite WIPs. A serious page turner that left me wanting more after the demo ends. Writing that excites and invests me in the story.
Keep up the good work. You’ve got a real talent for this!
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Hey a favorite author of another wip I love 
yes this wip was so fun ! I want to see callum burn…i love this one it has a good story
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You have no idea! Being betrayed by Callum is one thing, but by Calcium?? I never would have thought!
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I’ll happily be your victim then because, having finally sat down to fully appreciate this demo, I take back nothing!
Sorry this took so long; your demo is a monster and I absolutely must comment on everything I liked. and forgive my lack of eloquence, it’s been a long time since I’ve been so excited about a WIP and I was mainly screaming softly in my head while reading.
My (very long and disjointed) thoughts
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Writing: First off, your writing is so beautiful and powerful and mwah /chef’s kiss/ The descriptions make me feel like I’m really there, and the MC’s internal dialogue felt very natural with the choices I made. I love that you had more writing for almost every choice the MC makes, instead of just the generic response some games do that never acknowledges the choice and skips to the next scene. You also really captured the attitude of someone who’s been fighting for years, as well as the chaotic, desperate atmosphere of the war and the MC’s horror, grief, and anger when they’re betrayed. Your fight scenes and strategies were so well thought out too, I could clearly picture them happening! When it came to the MC’s beginning of life as a ghost, I loved the way you detailed the aftermath and the MC’s reflection on the world as the years pass. The writing for this part was poetic and distant, making me feel like I was really forced to watch as the world moved on without me and come to the realization that one person’s existence means very little in the grand scheme of history. And when the MC was bonded to Valerie, you did a great job turning it around and making it feel like the MC exists as a person again.
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Knight/Rebel: I was actually surprised that the two backgrounds were different and resulted in a different enemy kingdom and quartermaster, since I thought that they’d both be rebelling against Regalda but through alternate ways. I was also pleasantly surprised when I took a quick look through the code to see that it wasn’t just a cosmetic change like switching names/pronouns but the two kingdoms have different characteristics and altered scenes and the two quartermasters have different personalities! Love that increased replay value. Do the different quartermasters have any relation to which enemy you’re fighting or is it just for variety?
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Gale/Alden: I haven’t played as a knight yet so I can’t say much about Alden, but even though she was injured and close to death, Gale’s personality really shone through in those few pages she was on. I hope we get to know her better in later chapters, she seems like a great friend. When the beam scene happened, my brain went, “Wait, fuck—AAHH!” I thought I’d failed a stat check and that’s why she died!
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Dyren: What a nice boy, it sucks no one else seems to like him. I made my MC care about him and it’s clear how much he cares in return. Not too sure how I’m gonna keep his respect
because my MC is both Callum- and magic-biased.It’s too bad he’s anti-magic and considering he still is up to the point where he dies, I don’t suppose we can try to shift his views, can we? Also, what does it say about the MC that their two closest companions in the army are both considered creepy weirdos who talk to themselves? Wait…is Callum popular?
And Dyren’s death! I knew it was gonna happen but it didn’t make it any less shocking. He! Just! Died! Just like that! There really is never any time to mourn. 
Also, I know it’s a war and he’s, like, dead at the end of it, but please let the boy rest in a later chapter—he’s so gaunt, I worry. -
Callum: I’m sure it’s no surprise to hear I adore this smarmy, emotionally unavailable asshole, even after his betrayal
or maybe because?I nearly screamed in frustration when he died without so much as a single last word that would’ve cast some doubt as to his true motivations or feelings towards the MC. You’re a cruel one, @CorvusWitchcraft. Despite that, I’m gonna second @Enma_Trix about Callum’s betrayal and the talisman. There was something very suspicious about the way he was acting while trying to kill you, as if he were deliberately trying to make you think he’s a heartless monster, and the way he got so agitated when you keep fighting? HMMM… And his talisman seems hella fishy too, considering it grants him incredible power and he talks to it? With the way his eyes seemed to flash red at the end, I’m putting my money on something (dark magic? demon?) influencing him but also that someone (the enemy kingdom maybe?) forced him to betray MC. Also gonna bet MC is going to meet him again somehow. I mean, his specialty is spirit magic! I don’t know if it means what I think it means but maybe! …Or maybe I’m just in denial. -
Valerie: I barely even know her but if something happened to her, I would kill everyone in the room and then myself. But seriously, she’s so??? Cute, adorable, relatable?? I know she’s an RO but I’ve already decided my gloomy MC is going to adopt her as a daughter/younger sister.
And I loved how you showed the contrast in MC’s prior experience with magic, having only seen it used in war, and the way they view Valerie’s magic—helped drive in the fact that MC is a former soldier/veteran.
TL;DR: I love everything and everyone in this WIP yes, even Callum and I’m looking forward to more!
You sure about that, @CorvusWitchcraft? 
Asdsjflsahgs WE’VE BEEN CALLED OUT
Okay, it may be physically impossible for me to pick anything other than “We were in love once” for my relationship with Callum but that’s for max angst potential and definitely not because I fell in love with him in less than three paragraphs or anything! 
I mean, he seems like a very reasonable and responsible if very tired man. I wouldn’t mind getting to know him better. 
Lastly, two questions that I know you probably won’t give me straight answers for but which I’m going to ask anyways:
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Are seances a thing in this world? Because if Callum really is dead, I need to summon that sonuvagun’s ghost so I can interrogate the shit out of him. I need answers! Or you know, talking to anyone from the past would be nice because I’m sad everyone I know is dead and forgotten.
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Is reincarnation actually a thing? Because I’ll have you know, reincarnation (and all the attached angst) is. My. JAM! Sign me up for any existential discussions about the afterlife too.
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Gotta say, even with just the prologue and the very beginning of chapter 1 this WIP is already one of my favorites! I love this WIP <3 It’s both interesting and different. Can’t wait to see where the story goes.
Hahaha, in all seriousness, I’m glad you liked it. To address a few specific points:
So…funny story. When I first started outlining this thing, this choice…wasn’t supposed to be such a big deal. Originally, the prologue was going to happen, and then the rest of the story would take place in the modern day, and that would be it. But then I just had more and more ideas for what the MC’s life would have been like before that final battle, how I could develop Callum and Dyren (and later, Charlotte) as characters, and I realized ‘shit, I have to write this now’.
So I pretty much just doubled the length of the game. As is my wont.
Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that I originally allowed the MC to have such extreme divergence in personal history (both the side they’re fighting for and their relationship with Callum) because it wasn’t supposed to affect that much—but, uh, now it does, I guess! I’m gonna have to write several versions of each of the flashback chapters, so here’s hoping I don’t get overwhelmed by that.
Actually, yes! Alden is a knight through and through, and while he recognizes some of the problems with Regalda, he truly believes that the way to move forward is to change it from the inside. (A knight!MC can agree with him, if they so choose.) Gale, meanwhile, is a rebel by nature—I’m sure you saw that in her brief appearance in the prologue—and would not have had the discipline to be a “real” knight. This is part of why she’s so loyal to the MC—they gave her a chance, when nobody else would.
Incidentally, Alden was, in fact, originally the only quartermaster, but at some point I realized that it just didn’t make sense for him be a rebel, given the personality and philosophy I’d given him. Thus, Gale was born. What do you mean, scope creep?
I told you it was a con.
It’s funny you should say that.
So far, Callum seems to be a love him or hate him kind of character. (Or both ) Half the people here want him to be alive because they still think they have a chance with him, the other half want him alive just so they can kill him again.
Edit: it occurs to me that you might have been asking about how he’s perceived in-universe? Well, it probably won’t surprise you to hear that he’s just as polarizing in the story as he is in this thread! Some soldiers are into his more extreme methods, while the more loyal of your comrades (e.g. Dyren and the quartermaster) are decidedly not. This doesn’t really come up in the prologue, obviously, but it will be explored more in some of the flashback chapters.
That’s an interesting theory.
What makes you think I would ever do something like that? 
It’s reverse psychology, see? By pretending I’m not funny, I convince everyone else that I am. I’m afraid you’ve been conned again!
This is an intervention. 
I want you to find help for your Callum addiction.
Probably not the way you’re thinking, no. While ghosts are intangible, they do exist in a spatial, ontological sense—which is to say, Callum’s spirit, or whatever’s left of it, is still somewhere in the cosmos, whether it be as a ghost in this world (like you), as a somehow living being(!!!), merged into the collective unconsciousness (this is what happens to most spirits when they leave their bodies), or on a different plane of existence entirely (what one might consider an ‘afterlife’).
All this to say, in order to summon him, you’d have to physically (or…metaphysically?) pull him from wherever he is, which would require a lot of energy and the knowledge of where he is. Both are definitely possible, but the former is probably beyond Valerie’s capabilities, and the latter would require a lot of time that you don’t have right now.
Maybe you’ll find out someday!
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This was…
…haunting. 
I’m drawn to it, just like that wall in the story, to avoid spoilers. 
Can’t wait to see what phantasmal specters we shall unearth next. 
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This is mind blowing. One of the most promising WIPs on my list right now.
I wonder if it’s possible to code it like after we choose to be sentimental, the next monologue is about us grieving and getting more sentimental about things. If we choose to be more blank and stoic, we will be shown why our thoughts went that way. IDK I just want our mc to express their emotions and confusion in different ways/scenarios.
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This is so amazingly well-developed and formulated. The story is well-written and engaging…keeping an eye on this one.
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Honestly, this is awesome, the lore and everything else is bloody perfect, I’d say this WIP is very promising, and I honestly can’t wait for more. Also, depressed ghost team all the way
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I am in love with this wip 
, your writing is great and I can’t wait for more .
This wonderful WIP made me stop lurking myself and write this.
I could spend a lot of time talking about your engaging writing style and how lovely your characters are, but I think other people will express it better than I…
So instead I want to point out that I loved how you used the stat screen! When I first looked in stats I was surprised to see Army stats, but then these stats started to decrease… And eventually just disappeared… just like our actual army. chef kiss Very nice!
Oh, and the change of other stats when you died is used very creatively!
Also, your marvelous WIP inspired me and gave me the motivation to continue my own story so thank you for that. 
I wish you the best of luck in working with this project!
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Yeah…
True comedians, you and me both.
This is something I’m still trying to figure out how to balance—I do want to have more passages where your stats affect the tone, but I also have a feeling if I go too deep down that rabbit hole, it’ll adversely affect my ability to write the actual story. Just know that this is something that’s been on my mind, too.
Always nice to hear stuff like this! Good luck with your project as well.
And of course, thanks to everyone else for the kind words
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The writing is great and you have managed to make a beautiful character I love to hate , keep it up and thank you for your hard work and callum
the way i caught feelings for callum also ur writing is so fucking beautiful :c iloved this sm
Wow…how are you a first time author?! This is FANTASTIC so far! Do you already have someone beta testing, because it seems so polished already…nice job!
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This is great and I really love the storyline and characters!
This is the first Wip I’ve gotten to enjoy in quite a while with scarce updates all around. I really and I mean really enjoy your writing style. Ahh, I can’t wait for more already. I also really love your plot. Betrayal is so great (unless you are being betrayed) and wow, over 800 years being dead must be hard. I can barely imagine. Anyways, before I start rambling. Keep up your amazing work. You’ve got great potential! (not that i’m one to say lmao)
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taking Callum with me is so satisfying
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