Song Of The Fallen WIP: Yet another Codex Entry posted for opinion

[SteamShard]

@Left4Bed

Haha! I had a feeling you might like that cute little moment.

Holds you close It was perfect~

@Left4Bed

I want to be able to feel this character as more than just a few lines of text letting me know they’re into me every now and again. It’s just one little scene and one little moment, but I want to be able to have those. I want them to jump to my defence if they feel I’m being disrespected and I want to be able to do the same for them. If something happens to them, I want to feel torn and hurt, the same way I’d feel if a character in my favourite book got injured or killed.

Your mentality is gorgeous and I feel the exact same way.
It’s the tiny things that make your heart flutter and remind you why you love the character so much. Often, other romances seem too rushed and basically end once you get to a certain point with the character and the most that’ll happen is their declaration and a unique ending with them. It usually leaves me a bit sad because it never feels whole; completed.
I can’t wait to see how you tackle romances. You’re an amazing, amazing author so I know you’ll do it perfectly.

@Left4Bed

I want the sense of escapism to actually allow me to escape and become this new and different person in a fictional universe full of a cast that feel as real as I do.

Your story is already it’s own world and I can’t wait to see it expand so I can get even more lost in it.

@DarthDovahkin

The big things make the romance obvious, but the little ones make it real.

NOTHING BUT TRUTH.

[DarkSpeck]

[quote=“Left4Bed, post:260, topic:10550, full:true”]
It is quite vague, partly because at this point she doesn’t really know what she wants since she’s never felt the same kind of single minded drive Ehren has. At best she knows what she doesn’t want to be, but at the same time she’s willing to put her family’s needs before her own.[/quote]

Okay, that makes sense. Not everyone can be as driven towards a single goal as Ehren, indeed (and Ehren isn’t the most goal-driven character I’ve ever seen either). Aivah putting her family ahead of whatever she desires for herself strikes me as making her a bit similar to the PC, since the PC similarly seems to put taking care of his senile mother ahead of any desires he may have. Then again, it is possible to choose for the PC’s long-term goal to be similar to Ehren’s, though he’s still not portrayed as as driven towards that goal towards as Ehren is… Which would, I suppose, make the trio of the PC, Ehren and Aivah a Freudian Trio, I guess…?

[quote=“Left4Bed, post:260, topic:10550, full:true”]
That’s a great characterization! I actually had someone who offered to help me out with character portraits and sketches and I wrote almost exactly that in the character descriptions I sent her, so it’s really satisfying to see that that actually comes across.[/quote]

Glad to find out that I was spot-on there!

@Left4Bed

Hmm, putting it like that is actually something I hadn’t thought of…I really like it though, especially with the way it follows the contrast between the two of them. I hope you don’t mind if I pinch that thought, I’m already thinking of ways to sprinkle it in.

To me it felt like that’s what her reading that book at the Call hinted at though; it was implied she thought it might help things at the Brewery, so… Oh, I don’t mind if you pinch that thought, I’m happy to help you improve your story!

[quote=“Left4Bed, post:260, topic:10550, full:true”]
I see, yes that is a weird redundancy. I’m on it![/quote]

As I said, happy to help!

[Guhik]

1. The stats are fine, at least for me they are not overwhelming. If I had to pick something to complain about it would be the Relationships tab, to check it you have to click the stats button, then the “Rel.” tab, then choose a name and then repeat everything again to check on someone else.

2. I really like the pacing so far. The way the story starts a bit slow and monotonous and then suddenly rushes to that ending contributes to the feeling of having your life turned upside down, which I think is what’s intended.

3. I don’t usually pay much attention chapter changes and the sort, but if you decide to break a new chapter that’s certainly the right place for it.

4. Before I felt pushed to like/be favourable to the the whole Unity thing and that bothered me. So I am really glad with the new unity/separation stat and the opportunity to actually say something against it, even if the justification wasn’t quite what I hoped for, but I suppose we will better develop the MCs views further on.

5. About Aivah: She does feel somewhat like just the best friends sister, she says she is just the best friends sister and the game kind of confirms it. And that’s great! We were already given Ehren who is the best friend, the closest person to the MC, the guy who lends whatever money he had… I think what I am trying to say is that the MCs relationship with Ehren is well defined from the start with little room for the player to affect it. With Aivah however, all we have is the basis for their relationship and the possibility to develop it as we’d like as we get to know her better, and to me that seems the more satisfying way to go about it.

After the scene with the book I went to the tavern while thinking about the similarity between Aivah and my MC, there I decided not to tap at the door. I just wanted to say I really appreciated how it led to the conversation afterward and how much I am getting to like Aivah from these little things and moments.

About Ehren: As I said before, Ehren’s realationship with the MC is mostly defined, but it’s done well enough that it feels natural and even if we can’t decide to like him or not I appreciate that we can have an opinion about his actions.
Is it only me or does Ehren seems to share most of the same things he resents about his father? The recklessness, irresponsibility, aggressivity, idleness, sulking humor etc. He seems proud about some of it, even.
Other than that my views on him are about the same as everyone else’s.

[DarkSpeck]

[quote=“Guhik, post:264, topic:10550, full:true”]
After the scene with the book I went to the tavern while thinking about the similarity between Aivah and my MC, there I decided not to tap at the door. I just wanted to say I really appreciated how it led to the conversation afterward and how much I am getting to like Aivah from these little things and moments.[/quote]

Heh, gotta remember to not knock the door next time to see what happens. In my two playthroughs of the update so far, I opted to knock, partly because I liked how Ehren teases both the PC and Aivah next (and partly because I wanted to keep the Devout/Devilborn stat somewhat neutral).

[quote=“Guhik, post:264, topic:10550, full:true”]
About Ehren: As I said before, Ehren’s realationship with the MC is mostly defined, but it’s done well enough that it feels natural and even if we can’t decide to like him or not I appreciate that we can have an opinion about his actions.[/quote]

Their relationship being mostly defined is, in some ways, a requirement for the adventure to begin as it does. After all, would Ehren have brought someone he didn’t trust with him to see the Boundblade? Would the PC have caught Heleana’s interest and ended up being given that coin unless Ehren had dragged him along on that little reckless endeavor? Doubtful… Then again, if one wants to be cynic about it… Since their relationship is defined as very good right now, it means it can only go downhill from there - which I don’t think, though I do believe it has plenty of potential to.

@Guhik

Is it only me or does Ehren seems to share most of the same things he resents about his father? The recklessness, irresponsibility, aggressivity, idleness, sulking humor etc. He seems proud about some of it, even.

Yeah, if Ehren were ever to end up disillusioned, chances are that he’d end up not so very differently from what his father is like now…

[Guhik]

@DarkSpeck

Their relationship being mostly defined is, in some ways, a requirement for the adventure to begin as it does.

I was not complaining, I understand the plot demanded something like that. What I meant is that brecause of it Ehren has more presence and overshadows Aivah a bit, at least initially, and it’s more than fine since it gives us the opportunity to slowly develop the MCs relationship with Aivah as we get to know more of her and see how she grows as a character. More than that, it makes sense that there would be a certain distance between the MC and Aivah considering that she is a girl and younger.

@DarkSpeck

Heh, gotta remember to not knock the door next time to see what happens.

Basically Ehren picks on both Aivah and the MC. Nothing too different. Oh And don’t worry, there’s some teasing as well .

@DarkSpeck

Yeah, if Ehren were ever to end up disillusioned, chances are that he’d end up not so very differently from what his father is like now…

I think Ehren is already pretty disillusioned. In a way I think that not becoming like his father is one of the reasons why he avoids his duties responsibilities but that’s backfiring and actually makes him resemble what he resents.

[Cyril]

I’m not sure if it’s because I skipped ahead but if you talk to Ehren and find out he’s leaving at the seaborn path it cuts off mid conversation with him. Then if you talk to Ehren in the minstrel path inside the tavern it loops back to the seaborn path.

[DarkSpeck]

[quote=“Guhik, post:266, topic:10550, full:true”]
I was not complaining, I understand the plot demanded something like that. What I meant is that brecause of it Ehren has more presence and overshadows Aivah a bit, at least initially, and it’s more than fine since it gives us the opportunity to slowly develop the MCs relationship with Aivah as we get to know more of her and see how she grows as a character. More than that, it makes sense that there would be a certain distance between the MC and Aivah considering that she is a girl and younger.[/quote]

Wasn’t trying ti imply you were complaining; merely stating it as a just the facts - sorry if it didn’t come across as I intended it to . But yes, by default, Ehren has more presence in the story than any other, though that is changing in some ways as new characters enter the story & new ones start taking up more space/presence in the story. And yeah, it’d make sense that way, though that if of course also changing now that the PC is entering the stage where he is starting to notice girls .

[quote=“Guhik, post:266, topic:10550, full:true”]
Basically Ehren picks on both Aivah and the MC. Nothing too different. Oh And don’t worry, there’s some teasing as well [/quote]

Yeah, just tried it out; if you both don’t knock, both you and Aivah gets teased by Ehren, if you do knock, then Aivah ends up being the one to bear the full burnt of Ehren’s teasing .

@Guhik

I think Ehren is already pretty disillusioned. In a way I think that not becoming like his father is one of the reasons why he avoids his duties responsibilities but that’s backfiring and actually makes him resemble what he resents.

Good point, that may be the case… And if so, he doesn’t realize how contradictory he’s being - though it’s strongly implied that his sister does. In the words of Morgan, “A dream can be a funny thing. It can appear to be a courageous challenge. But it can also be thought as a cowardy escapism.”…

Oh, and I guess I haven’t yet given my opinion on Olfrid. The impression I got of him is that he’s something of a pompous jerk, but he seems to be a good singer at the very least (though not as good as he thinks he is), so leaving him tied up to a tree and gagged isn’t an option I guess .

[Terrell_Williams]

Happy new years people’s

[Left4Bed]

Happy New Year, hope it’s one you’re all looking forward to! So unfortunately I’ll starting full time studies come the turn of February, which means the amount of time I’ll have to spend on SotF will be somewhat limited. That said, I’ve made it my resolution (which as we all know is something people always stick with) to have my first draft of the game completed by the end of 2016, so please don’t interpret that as me abandoning the game. I’m very much committed to seeing this out, I just need to juggle it along with new upcoming commitments.

In any case, I’m taking the month of January to mentally prepare for when I get on campus come the 1st of February, and I’ll probably spend most of Feb getting settled in and finding a routine that works for me. What all that mean is that I’ll only be posting another update come March, and in all likelihood it won’t be a very big one. However, by then I’ll have a much better handle on what my overall workload will be like so I’ll be able to work on the game in a more efficient way from then onwards.

So…yeah, more words coming (relatively) soon, I guess.

[SteamShard]

Ahh, Good luck with your studies, Left~
Hopefully juggling things won’t get too stressful and you’ll slip into everything easily and end up enjoying it~

[Monster]

Well, I think the demo is too short, and the main character simply died before he could do anything… important. And simply don’t like how choosing to kill Helena or not doesn’t change the out come of the main character’s death. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/7f/dc/f6/7fdcf62559756adea1d25a461ee04dd8.jpg

[faewkless]

It doesn’t specify whether the character dies or not it just ends with you unconscious.
Also the demo is a chapter long and still being worked on.

Also @everyone did anyone else try to decipher the prophecy I tried and it sounds depressing.
(at least the part I could figure it out.)

[Left4Bed]

@Monster

the main character simply died before he could do anything

Like @faewkless said, the ending is unspecific and a bit ambiguous. I will confirm, however, that you definitely aren’t dead. In terms of your complaint that the MC doesn’t really do anything, I agree and I think that’s fair gripe to have. The entirety of this beginning section (once it’s all complete) is basically just set up. Establishing the world, laying seeds for future conflict, fleshing out a few core characters and relationships before ultimately ending with the inciting incident, the event that sets you off on an unknown path.

Before anything can really happen, I believe it’s important to lay all this groundwork so that any future emotional investment feels both real and earned. It might not be to everyone’s taste, and it’s especially frustrating when this is all there is at the moment, but there is very much more to come.

@Monster

And simply don’t like how choosing to kill Helena or not doesn’t change the out come of the main character’s death.

While it may not change the immediate outcome, it is not an empty or a throwaway choice. The decision you made there does have consequences.

[idonotlikeusernames]

@Left4Bed

but there is very much more to come.

Yay!

But yeah, I’m also very much looking forward to the moment our character wakes up afterwards and has to proceed from there…

[RyseAbove]

@Monster

and the main character simply died before he could do anything… important.

You gotta remember this is just the beginning of the story, and we just hit the climax at the very end.
I wouldn’t expect there to be much important choices, usually we gotta introduce most of the key characters and such and really flesh out the MC’s history before we can make any important decisions.

p.s. why would you think the MC would just die in the very first chapter? Wouldnt make for a story.
Lol

[Monster]

@RyseAbove

You gotta remember this is just the beginning of the story, and we just hit the climax at the very end.I wouldn’t expect there to be much important choices, usually we gotta introduce most of the key characters and such and really flesh out the MC’s history before we can make any important decisions.

Well, that is a very good point you made. Thanks for replying!

p.s. why would you think the MC would just die in the very first chapter? Wouldnt make for a story.

Well, becauz it appeared like the story hit an end, and the character only lives as the story is being told. In other words, when the story stops, the character ceases to exist. Just what i think though

[Monster]

[/quote]
Like @faewkless said, the ending is unspecific and a bit ambiguous. I will confirm, however, that you definitely aren’t dead. [/quote]

Well, that is definitely good to hear!

[/quote]
In terms of your complaint that the MC doesn’t really do anything, I agree and I think that’s fair gripe to have. The entirety of this beginning section (once it’s all complete) is basically just set up. Establishing the world, laying seeds for future conflict, fleshing out a few core characters and relationships before ultimately ending with the inciting incident, the event that sets you off on an unknown path… but there is very much more to come. [/quote]

Well, then can I PRE-sign up for Beta-testing when your story is more fully developed to really get a hang of it? Thnx! I do like the setting and the way the plot is heading, btw.

[/quote]
While it may not change the immediate outcome, it is not an empty or a throwaway choice. The decision you made there does have consequences.
[/quote]

That is good to know. So I don’t suppose how many times I choose to stab her also effects the outcome or the ending? Like how deep into hell I get to fall? Just kidding.

[Monster]

[quote=“faewkless, post:273, topic:10550, full:true”]
It doesn’t specify whether the character dies or not it just ends with you unconscious.
Also the demo is a chapter long and still being worked on.[/quote]

Well, thanks for responding… so it’s just unconscious not dead~:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

did anyone else try to decipher the prophecy I tried and it sounds depressing.
(at least the part I could figure it out.)[/quote]

“Fatherless, motherless. Die alone, brotherless”
ABOUT the MC… by the end of chapter one, he’s fatherless and motherless, in his mind he feels alone and without a kin.

"Sail, sink or swim. Rudderless *
Kiss the light that dies undeadly"
***About the choices MC makes~ and discovers something within himself. ***

“Wrath consumes the heart of envy
Turning, yearning. Saved, or burning?”
About the choices MC would make~ which significantly decide whether he and the world end up saved or burned.

“Shadows of the light unfurling Lost forgotten, truth unfound”
***Well, remember the Seer who gave the prophecy said: “There is not only evil in darkness. There is not only good in light. Both in brightness or in shadow, corruption can fester and grow. It has no true favourite.” In this case, light and darkness is basically reversed… or should we say switched? ***

"Ties of two, the trapped unbound Made to roam till mirrors end "

Well, the ties of two is probably the development between MC and Arabella. The part about till mirrors end, echoes with the the tale of the Moon, which mentioned about the Mirrorworld, the world between worlds.

depressing? Not at all *To sip the cup of gods and men"

[faewkless]

I thought that wrath consumes the heart of envy.
(godmoon has her heart consumed by wrath.)
And that the MC and bell will be forced to wander till mirrors end.
Till the end of mirrorworld?

And sip the cup of gods and me.

That sounds very cool.

[DarkSpeck]

@faewkless

Also @everyone did anyone else try to decipher the prophecy I tried and it sounds depressing. (at least the part I could figure it out.)

Well yeah, been having some thoughts on it…

“Fatherless, motherless. Die alone, brotherless”

• Here I’m in agreement with Monster above; it refers to the MC having no father and, at the end of the demo, no mother either. The brotherless part could foreshadow that Ehren (who is like abrother to the MC) will - at least temporarily - leave his life (even with Heleana dead, he might try to leave - after that, that coin seems like it’ll let him into the Clave and become a Wardren even if Helena isn’t with him). As for the ‘die alone’ part… A near-death thing, perhaps? Or death and then resurrection? Or a faked death At least, since the lightsong goes on after that, I assume that if it refers to the MC’s death, he won’t necressarily stay dead… At worst, I’m envisioning the later half of line to foreshadow a confrontation between the MC and Ehren that either ends with Ehren killing him (though as I said, doesn’t mean the MC will stay dead) OR with Ehren not actually doing any killing, but telling the rest of the world that he did…

“Sail, sink or swim. Rudderless”

• For now I’d like to think this foreshadows the confusion of the MC in the wake of the events at his house at the end of the demo - he has just lost his mother, he has a strange girl that can do strange things in his care, he just learned that Mr. Riley isn’t who he thought he was, there’s currently a dead Sun Sister who tried killed his mother there, tried to kill him and take Bella and on top of everything else, he’ll have a mental block to worry about according to Left4Bed… Yeah, I’d be pretty ‘rudderless’ in that situation too.

“Kiss the light that dies undeadly”

• Too vauge for me to say thing here, really… Maybe it’ll be related to the undoing of the mental block?

“Wrath consumes the heart of envy”

• My first thoughts on this was that it’d be related to Ehren again - because, the way I see it, there’s plenty of potential for Ehren to to be… Not very happy with us, indeed - even if the MC didn’t kill her himself, he WAS still involved in the death of the one Ehren saw as his potential benefactor - the key to achieving the greatness he so desires. Not to mention that, if Ehren finds out that the MC now possesses a Boundblade, that could be the cause for a great deal of envy indeed…

“Turning, yearning. Saved, or burning?”

• A bit too vauge, though I feel like this sentence refers to a moment early in the story when we’ll deal with the outcome of most or at least some of ´the MC’s decisions along the path there.

“Shadows of the light unfurling Lost forgotten, truth unfound”

• Seems to refer to some of the truths of the matter the MC becomes involved in becomes clear. Or at elast a little more discernable…

"Ties of two, the trapped unbound Made to roam till mirrors end "

• Also not a clear idea of what this would refer to, but I did feel that it has to do with the bound between Bella and the MC…

“To sip the cup of gods and men”

• Personally I interpreted this line as meaning that the MC will become involved in matters so much greater than himself - the fate of entire kingdoms, the affairs of the gods, that sort of thing…

Also, I think it pays to remember that this is only ‘verse 1’ of the Lightsong, meaning there might be more later…