Smoky Skies - WIP (Updated 14-05-2017)

#1

Hello everyone, I’m Tama897, and I’m new here. I just got into playing some Choice of Games last month after the app store recommended them to me. I like them a great deal, and I just found out that you can try making your own games, so this thread will be about this game that I’m currently working on called “Smoky Skies”.

Lame title (That might be changed) aside, the story’s about a Bounty Hunter, that’s you, who’s been contracted to disable the largest airship in the known world. It’s set in a Steampunk-ish world with an ongoing war between two large nations. It’s a rather straightforward plot line right now, which may be expanded later on as I make more progress. I’ll have a link down below for the very short very rough work that I’ve done so far.

For now though, that’s the gist of it, I’m open to opinions and ideas. This is the first time I’ve written for public after all. :smile_cat:

tl;dr: Here’s the link to the script

Update on Post 34! Smoky Skies - WIP (Updated 14-05-2017)

#2

very good for a first try, I cant wait to see what happens next. It is actually pretty amazing that you got the code right along with spelling in the first go. That’s pretty badass in my eyes.

#3

I suggest looking through some of the writing and style guides from COG. Not that those are something you need to follow for writing your own game, of course, but there are plenty of tips that I believe helped the quality of my own WIP. They helped me better understand the differences between writing a linear story and writing an IF game in this kind of format. Learning what makes a work a successful game can also inspire new ideas (it helped me a lot when I was stuck).

#4

Oh, I know someone who’d surely like this. :joy:

Seems like it could have quite some potential. I’d end up reading it almost for sure anyways. I read everything haha.

Though I’m constantly out of stuff to read.

#5

Seem interesting so far hope there Crew and romance

#6

This is your first game? Damn, really good job.

#7

If this is the first time you have tried developing an interactive fiction then I must say that you have done a very good job.
However I had a few question and suggestions regarding the game and here they are-
Are club and rifles the only weapon option the MC has?
I do believe that the first description of the world was a bit large. I think you should just give some basic information at the beginning and keep the rest as in game lore in the stat screen.
I primarily chose intellect as my skill but the what I chose as my secondary skill which was marksmanship seemed to have more statistics than the primary one.(Brains 50% and Marksmanship 65%)
And why have two different stats for marksmanship and clubsmanship? You should just marge that into a ‘Weapons’ stat, it would even be easier for you code with less amount of stats to be worried about.

#8

This seems very interesting so far, I like the theme.

#9

This reminds me of an older WIP called Above Oceans of Sky, and I very much enjoyed playing it.

Having said that, what do you have in mind for the next update? Will we be able to see what this contract will have us do even though it’s already in the description?

#10

@sammyboy I do have a design guideline from COG, but I found it a bit too constraining. Though it did help me in giving a general idea of how I should go about designing the whole thing.

@Tuhin_Subhra_Maity I was thinking of expanding the weapon options, but I’m not really sure I’ll manage to code it right, but it’s definitely something that I’ll try. For the brains and marksmanship thing, both of them are actually primary stats, but I didn’t really make that clear, I’ll give some explanations on the stats screen. As for not merging them into one ‘Weapons’ stat, I feel like that would limit the choices that will be available later on.

@RagEgnite For the next update I’m planning on wrapping up the whole prologue chapter and maybe go a bit over halfway into the next one. New characters will join too obviously, it can’t just be MC and Thaddeus (although the simplicity of it is deliciously tempting).

@Harley_Robin_Evans @pimenita @EN-Nocturnal @moonwalkerdragon @Bre
Thank you very much, I do hope you guys will stay interested in this. :smile_cat:

#11

It’s a good story, but I suggest you make short paragraphs more often rather than having them in a long essay. Some people(like me) gets bored and skips reading when a paragraph is too long and sometimes will miss the important details for the story. This is just my opinion though, you don’t need to accept it. Just know that you’re doing a fantastic job. I wish you the best of luck.

#12

I know people say the like button is there for a reason (so people don’t do what I’m about to do) but I can’t help but feel that no matter how exaggeratedly I press the like button I can’t emphasize @SirYetiBro’s comment enough. Usually like a 5-6 sentence max for me.

I haven’t read your story yet but will soon!

EDIT: Very good story! I hope to see you continue this. Any coding help you need just pm me and I will respond asap.

One question I have is why would a form ask who you are romantically interested in? It just seems weird. I see it from an author’s standpoint but from a reader’s it’s strange.

What I’ve been thinking is maybe adding in just after that, when you meet your friend in the bar, do a little flashback to how he used to like the MC. Then you can give the player options like “I am interested in him” “no, I enjoy the company of females much more” “I would like to be with a man, just not my best friend” … I think you get the idea.

#13

romantic interests in a ship notary file for potential crew to know info about captain and a political interest survey rolled into one about the average ship owner.

#14

So is the mc like a “privateer” sort-of-deal or do they do that for all civilians?

#15

i was just speculating base on my observation of it compared to other games and real life questionares for owners of some things. You’d have to ask the author

#16

I think the ideas original, pleasantly surprised with finding no spelling errors and hope for the best! Though at the beginning it is a little confusing what world the mc is in. I automatically assumed it was our world until the airship part came up. Otherwise GOOD WORK!:+1:

#17

yea there was some slight similarities to earth but seemed different enough given the differences of tech age for steam all arriving so near each other, airships hit the nail solidly puting it as perceived steam age almost steampunk. also good work to the author.

#18

I like it so far! Keep up the good work, I can’t wait to read more.

#19

Hm… I like the overall feel of the game so far…
It came across like a mashup of Cowboy Bebop and Nausiica of the Wind…

I would personally change the ‘moreso’ to the two-word ‘more so’ in this exerpt

That is a rather intriguing way to approach them. Moreso when you consider that most of them usually involve a tussle or two with some rather rude fellows.

I agree with @kelvin about the romance questions, unless there’s a cultural reason in the game world, in which case you should mention that somewhere…

I think it would be great to have more weapon options, as @Tuhin_Subhra_Maity mentions. Specifically, if the MC is a ship’s captain, air or otherwise, they should have a sword and pistol.

Keep up the writing, it’s very good! :wink:

#20

[quote=“Kelvin, post:12, topic:25224”]
One question I have is why would a form ask who you are romantically interested in? It just seems weird. I see it from an author’s standpoint but from a reader’s it’s strange.
[/quote] @Bjorked

Not gonna lie, I was out of ideas as to how to ask that when I wrote that scene. So the reason is a whole lot dumber than what you may think. :crying_cat_face: I was either gonna drop it and make a whole new part at the bar for that (Not with Thaddeus though), or make it a mandatory part for the setting.

@SirYetiBro I’m not really sure how I’d manage that. More page breaks maybe? They look kind of awkward to me though. This is probably my preference as a reader seeping through here, but I don’t really mind reading walls of text. Maybe if it gets too be too wall-y I can dial it down. Is it too wall-y though?

@FutbolDude21586 @GIO443 @Drakeye
Thank you for the show of interest! I hope you’ll stick around! :smile_cat: