They are all gross. Like GROSS AND STUPID REAALLYYY STUPID. It is so well written than the hatred for characters is present from the first image with the mosquito.
All are equally disturbing and equally gross in a nauseous way.
Wonderful done. The caricatures of them are spot on.
The only problem I has and don’t let me enjoy this is the lack of portrait a character that HATES them. That hates drugs and consider them ugly and children. Imagine see this from perspective a character That wants clim social ladder that doesn’t have any empathy for this rich kids . That’s the character i want to play . But a great solid writing that makes my blood boil against them minute one. Oh… how much i will enjoy destroying their lives
I think reason is making us players hate the kids and present them as a caricature of social stereotypes and this is a satirical story to criticise moder society in America
Lol. Well, none of them are rich, but I get what you mean. Their personalities are very heavy handed. Tho you’ll see different, more serious sides to them when the story gets dark and they aren’t just messing around.
@derekmetaltron and @poison_mara
Well, Felicia and Tariano are black, and I’m trying to paint their dialogue in a realistic way. For them, it is casual, and there’s nothing derogatory or wrong with them using it, either.
Seriously they give me the spoiler kids vibe like a Modern version of Melrose place and Beverly hill 90210. Like poor kids are just meh. I just need a racion of MOCKERY RICH CLASS political incorrect way lol.
Buhhhh… I like mocking and blackmailing them. Still then why I will want go with these people in character They are a portrait of all my character hates in society. They are ugly and certainly ignorant. They probably think Churchill is a tobacco brand.
Not take me wrong is fascinating as reader the wonderful written messed up caricature you made. But as role-playing in character i would prefer dying of malaria that being with any of those characters five seconds. Why is the main character motivations to be near these terrible people
I mean, Idk. They’re just kids messing around. When most 18 year olds are blowing off steam and smoking weed and drinking alcohol, they’re just trying to be silly and have fun. 95% of them wouldn’t end up talking astutely about philosophy or politics or whatever.
Gustavo is unabashedly a terrible person. But everyone else, at least as far as this author has intended, is just a regular person being a jackass at the time. Tho Adorable is the least into all of the drugs and crude banter.
Let me think of how to explain it…like, think about most comedy movies that actually have main characters in their forties. Terrible Bosses, Pineapple Express, Step Brothers, etc. They’re all jackasses and silly as hell, but this is less about that being who they are as people and more about the story being in the comedy genre.
I don’t know My circle at 18 where preparing scholarship and extremely anxious to be active accepted in the college. I have never drink alcohol and less illegal drugs. And most wild think i made was participating in a march in favour Gay adoption marriage. I went role playing life events and none of my friends drink and smoke normal tobacco.
If somebody told me any of jokes they was saying there would be someone dead by kicking by a grumpy Mara. My ambition at 14 was be a lawyer and get a scholarship I get scholarship all my life the mere idea of losing time in drugs and stupid things never pass my head. So … I think game need a more clear rejection o drugs and more assertive personality Also my character totally think all of them are loosers. Maybe my mother forced me to go WITH THIS KIDS THAT WILL HELP you making new friends before college…
THAT’S A GOOD MOTIVATION… I have my role playing reason. So Ready to kick their arses
I get that stance, too. I wasn’t that way in HS, either, but the way I planned these characters, I wasn’t worried about them being serious for Chapter One.
I could certainly add some more choices like that. I had initially planned to, but I rushed this first update a bit.
I’m honestly a bit baffled that not only you knew but were part of a friend group like. I mean those groups are kinda rare now.
In highschool I was someone who rotated from group to group from the popular kids to the jock and to the nerds, etc. Regardless the group I mostly spent time was the geeks/nerds cause of similar hobbies and also being rather smart, but even they weren’t like that, they drank(not as much me) and some did pot while still being the type that wanted to be home by 10.
So while we never did this I could easily see that we would do this at the last summer as Seniors.
No problem lol. You know i like grumpy about lack of choices. You did a lot like a lot in few days. So don’t worry we all known that is early alpha etc… But I think a brain storming could give you ideas .
I have seen part of my family die by drugs also my mother abandoned me in a car as baby to going buy drugs. I decided as children i will never drink smoke and have drugs whatever it happens and I am 32 drugs are one of causing of more death and suffering in this world and nobody will force me to them because they are trendy. I thought that way at 14 still think same.
Oh, I understand completely. My father was a crack dealer and a raging alcoholic so that’s why I’m straight edge except for smoking weed every few months.
@Bahamuht
That was kinda my thinking. None of these characters would be the super popular ones in school except Felicia. Tariano is a gamer, Dustin is a stoner, Adorable is a feminist nerd, and Gustavo is the “badass loner” type or whatever. But people would be surprised how many “cliques” intersect.
Is there any way you could afford the services of a sensitivity reader to go over dialogue? I’ve seen some post in the community, so you might want to seek their feedback if at all possible.
I’ll give more focused feedback later.
Quick summary: I like the premise of this story a lot though … gives me a vibe like an old 1980’s film called: Less Than Zero.
Yeah. The personality is well caricatured in a fascinating way. That in me causes a desire of make them break. I think that when darkness come and real insecurities appear and crack their public images would make a wonderful reading. So annoying characters in this particular setting is a big positive in mybook. As encouraged the satire
I definitely can’t afford to hire anyone when it comes to my writing but I will listen to feedback on that in the beta. If it means anything, my best friend is black and he read the demo. He said he appreciated Tariano’s and Felicia’s dialect and felt like it actually gave the narrative more flavor and realism.
I believe @tevin’s game, Street Jam, featured that sort of dialogue. I can understand why most people wouldn’t attempt it since they aren’t as familiar with the vernacular, but I’m slightly surprised it hasn’t shown up a bit more in CSGs.
To be clear, the last thing I want is to offend anyone or be insensitive, but my intention with this is sort of the opposite. I think it should be normalized more in fiction. Already we’ve had some people taking their usage of “nigga” as negative, which makes me kind of sad, because in most modern conversations, it’s a term of endearment or just a standard replacement for “person.”
Obviously I’m not an expert or black myself, but I do speak from experience, having lived in Kansas City my whole life where the majority of my friends, classmates, neighbors, and workmates were/are black.
I like mocking and blackmailing them. Still then why I will want go with these people in character 
They are a portrait of all my character hates in society. They are ugly and certainly ignorant. They probably think Churchill is a tobacco brand.
