@TheKing If you did then you have some magical powers…
A good concept, - technology vs. magic, merit vs. inheritance, the downtrodden vs. the privileged, et cetera, - but there are a few problems with the writing which made me lose interest somewhat. Here are a few suggestions which I hope are helpful:
- Increase the quantity of text per page, so that something of a flow builds up which would be otherwise interrupted by too-frequent page progression. At the same time,
- Increase the atmospheric text, such as detailing your surroundings and the personalities of other characters, whilst spreading out factual information over a larger area, thereby ensuring one does not feel as though one is perusing a sequence of factoids instead of engaging with the story and the people therein.
- Increase the importance of decisions: the name and colouration of the cat are not consequential, and it makes it so that one feels bombarded by choices, which break up the plot too much.
- Increase the size of the spectrum of choices so you may truly make your playthrough your own. For example, instead of having to say “Starve the enemy” or “engage them directly”, have an “Oh this war is horrid, try to negotiate peace” option. Thus your characters nature is imbued with practical decision making to a certain degree. Another example of this would be making people who advocate starvation seem more patient than the bombastic personalities who would go for a frontal assault. And overall,
- Push the backstory to the background a little. The tutor’s attempt to bore your character to death has a similar effect on the readers. Instead of introducing as many aspects of the world and people as you can, take your time. Spread it out a little. Make the reader engage with the story at a comfortable rate.
@Drazen maybe I’m just weird but i enjoyed the tutor. I like the schooling way to learn, because if this was in real life and i didnt know the story-which since i dont know their history-id be intrested and listen. so I enjoyed the “boring” lesson
'Twas just my view of the scenario. It would be interesting to see which view is more dominant.
Thanks for all of the positive comments, everyone! I’m glad people are enjoying it and I’m feeling really pumped to keep working on it. I’ve been working on fixing the bugs you’ve mentioned. The bad labels shouldn’t be popping up anymore, and the bug that occurs when you try to practice with your sword/axe/morning star has been fixed thanks to @Vendetta.^^
@13ventrm Thanks for your comments. It was more challenging than I thought to include them in the story, but I’ll be adding more choices and outcomes that rely specifically on stats as I edit and continue to write.
@Player The bad label errors should be fixed, but if you reached the assassination attempt there isn’t much more to read. I added a note at the end to let you know when you’ve reached the end of the demo.
@Antitorpiliko Getting to the assassination attempt depends on whether or not you impressed the councilors during your father’s council meeting. If you impress them you go to the assassination attempt and if you don’t you go to a different scene I haven’t written yet.^^
@Drazen Thank you for the comments, they’re very helpful. I wasn’t sure if I was throwing too much information at the player or not and I’ll see if there’s a way to spread it out a bit. I’ll keep the idea of offering more options in mind as I’m editing and revising and try to give a little more variety. I already had it in mind that the council scene should have more dialogue choices.
I really enjoyed what I have seen so far. Maybe for more meaningful choice’s when you choose the color of your warcat it could have a special ability or something. 
So with the fix i got to the end of what’s written. Honestly grammer and spelling arent my thing so i cant point out mistakes, but the story line is fun to play. keep on writing!
I got an error saying bad label hidden attack 5 or Somin like that
A very enjoyable story! The writing is very well done, the characters are interesting, and I’m looking forward to how the plot develops.
As far as the pacing of the story goes, I personally don’t have any complaints. You’ve managed to avoid any unnecessarily long blocks of text, which helps keep the reader engaged. This may just be my opinion, but having choices that only serve to add a few minor details (such as the cat’s color) isn’t a bad thing when used appropriately. It adds a bit of personalization and flavor for the reader.
The parts that were intended to be a bit boring for your character (such as the meeting or lecture) are a bit boring for the reader, but it does provide a bit of empathy with the player character. I don’t think that altering that part would add much to the enjoyment of the story.
I did find an extra " at this part:
"You settle more comfortably in your chair after your victory over your tutor. Ajix continues speaking form where he left off, his frail voice dripping with acid.
Other than that, I didn’t spot any other mistakes.
Overall, I’d be very happy to see this completed. With the inclusion of some uses for your stats, this could end up being a very solid game.
@Shssay I have a question about the attempted assassination on the MC life, when it asks who could have sent two of your father’s own guards to kill you does it depend on your choice? like say i put the Queen does that make it where she was the one or what?
@Shssay
Love the game so far! One thing I’d say is offer a very wide array of options on how the character would handle the siege situation and have this affect the battles to come in the game for example my first thought was to starve them out for a few weeks so that they were all so weak that they could barley move and then blow the city gates open under cover of darkness and go in and finish them off(quick death), this would show intelligence and cunning and a small amount of honor whereas other options might show honor bordering on idiocy, stupidity, brutality/ruthlessness, use of environment, turn enemies powers against them etc.
Also look forward to using “Zephyr” a lot in future 
Also who is “Jax” as that is the name I usually use in games
So far I quite enjoy the story, and the interesting mix of technologies. Only problem I have found out that has yet to be pointed out is an errant ‘f’.
f"Well, the queen certainly made a scene." Taran says when you catch up to him.
Subperb work can wait for more.
Totally digging this game! Loving the plot as well, good job
the cat reminds me of my old cat
@Ballpython777 That’s a good idea! I’ll have to think about it and see what powers I could give him.
@Blackheart Thanks, I’ll try to track it down and get it fixed.
@CS_Closet Thanks, that extra " should be gone now. I’ll be looking for new ways to add choices based specifically on stats as I edit and continue writing.^^
@Cloudian I didn’t have that intent to begin with, but if people think that it would improve the experience, I could set things up that way.
@Ajax Thanks for the suggestions! Your comments gave me an idea on how to better utilize the stats the PC has been building up during these first few chapters. I’ll try to offer quite a few choices on how the PC approaches the siege at the Onchu stronghold. I’m glad you like the war-cat, I was hoping that he’d be fun for players.^^ (If anyone cares, there’s a minor spoiler ahead). Jax is a magic-user that the PC encounters later on in the story.
@Pace675 Fixed.^^
@817819 I modelled him a little bit after my cat.^^
@Shssay I dont think my guess should affect who actually tried to kill me, but it should affect your dealings with that person.
Anywho, I’m lovin the game, great job. Minor thing while training he said “blade” when I had a morningstar.
And a tip, when choosing weapons maybe individualize it more: short sword, bastard sword, ect.
An axe: one- handed, twin bladed axe (staff with axe on both sides,)
Morningstar: light flail, cudgeon, ect.
And these could influence how you fight, if thats not too much work
So your cat ripped out people’s throats? Awesome
i have played through all the way to end 2 times now considering people above i am a wizard
@Ajax “Zephyr”? Pffft. Surely the only appropriate name for a ferocious, fanged silver war-cat is “Fluffy”. B-)
@Vendetta mine was Felis lol